Ask Me Help Desk - What now.

Need some advice. I've been dating this girl for 4yrs and we have a daughter together. We've been split up for a little over two months now(She broke up with me). This past week we've been spending a lot of time together. We went out to dinner and a movie just last night. At the movies she does not treat me like a friend. We hug, hold hands, and kiss. So what is she looking for from me? Does she want me back? How long do I continue down this road until commitment (not that I want to rush things). I just want to know where we are at? I'm afraid to ask her because I do not want to put any pressure on her. Any advice would help a lot. If you need any more info just ask. Thanks.

Hello ncGuy391,

Dating for 4 years is a lot of time, especially if having a child together. I am sorry to hear that you broke up (If possible to know the reasons would help to think of an idea over this).

It is good that you are along with her and spend more time, as long as she agrees. The physical way she manifest is part of her emotional part. If you think she is acting better than the day she broke up with you, if you feel the love when she hugs you, and not even a single backup from her, I think your relationship will be going pretty back to normal in no time.

Do not rush things out, do not push her with silly questions, try acting natural as you were, try to continue seeing her like this, and she will come back to you. You have very good chances, due to the fact she wants to spend time with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aszmhodeus

Hello ncGuy391,

Dating for 4 years is a lot of time, especially if having a child together. I am sorry to hear that you broke up (If possible to know the reasons would help to think of an idea over this).

It is good that you are along with her and spend more time, as long as she agrees. The physical way she manifest is part of her emotional part. If you think she is acting better than the day she broke up with you, if you feel the love when she hugs you, and not even a single backup from her, I think your relationship will be going pretty back to normal in no time.

Do not rush things out, do not push her with silly questions, try acting natural as you were, try to continue seeing her like this, and she will come back to you. You have very good chances, due to the fact she wants to spend time with you.

Well we meet at at the age of 16/17. Had a child at 19 and we are now 21. We both have the same goals in life. We will both be graduating from college next year. We both want to be married in our 20's and settle down to be a real family. I know it sounds like we are a little young for want these things but we are a little more mature then most of our friends. We broke up because I was not paying her enough attention. Which I admit is true. But, losing her made me realize what I really had. Someone who wanted all the things in life that I wanted and loved me very much. She has seen a real chance in me (her words).

She is acting much better than the day she broke up with me. A total 180. During the beginning of the breakup she didn't even want to see me. She said she was trying to move on with her life. I could not accept this because so I tried everything to get her back. Mostly words. Found out that words do not work. Actions are much better. So I just went NC and gave her the space she wanted. She told me she wanted to date other people etc. Even though I hated the break-up I agree with it. I needed it to make me a better person and to see things from a different perspective. Sometimes I feel like she is pulling away so I pull back to give her want she wants, but then she pulls toward me.

Even though we are moving pretty fast, I do not want to jump right back into a relationship with her. I want to truly show her that I am different and things will not be the same.

Hello again,

This made me a bit happy knowing you still have a chance with her. I say take the advantage and do not let go of her. Actions are indeed much better than plain words. As long as you know she is the one which you want to spend the rest of your life and be happy, and that the feeling is mutual (as you have said from her previous words) try to keep up and in time it will be better.

Keep the NC procedure a bit when she wants space, try not to push her too much, when the time is right she will tell you she wants you and that she really wants to be with you.

Your last paragraph says it all. That is what you should do, at least my opinion.

You must be doing something right, so keep doing it, and don't clutter the field just yet, as your tied by child to this woman any way.