We are married for 5 years, and there is no issue of us due to some medical problem with both of us. We have now made up our mind to adopt a child, but first thing we don't want to disclose in our family that we are going for adoption, secondly we want to adopt a new born baby only.

There are many private and public adoption agencies in your area (assuming you are in the US). Some will specialize in international or other specialty adoptions, but most any will be able to help you.

If you don't want to disclose it to your family don't tell them. They might figure it out when you suddenly have a baby, but you do not have to tell them anything.

I will warn you - it's a fairly involved and potentially long and expensive process. There is also a lot of potential for heartbreak. There is a TV show on TLC or Discovery (cant remember which) called An Adoption Story. You will see a lot of the process that goes into it.

Most couples looking to adopt will want a newborn. You may be one of thirty or forty working with a specific agency and they might only place a handful of babies each year.

Also, there is potential for fraud. It wouldn't be a first when a mother, pregnant, would contact an adoption agency and say that she needed help with medical costs from the adoptive parents. This is perfectly legal, at least in some places. Then, once the baby arrives, she changes her mind. The adoptive family paying the costs have no recourse against the mother. One family I know of had this happen to them 3 times.

I am rambling. Contact an adoption agency or state adoption program. I would first try the official government website for your state. And get ready for a long process. Good luck!

On the OTHER side of that---remember that you will be dealing with the birthmother for 18 years.

It is VERY unlikely that you will be able to adopt a newborn domestically WITHOUT having an open adoption. Not very many birthmothers would choose you if you weren't open to continuing contact throughout the child's life.

While it's every birthmother's right to change her mind, it's generally not done as a "fraud" thing; seeing your baby makes it a lot more "real" and that's WHY you can't sign any papers before the birth of the child.

I know of MORE adoptive parents that decided to break the agreement they had with the birthparents as soon as they had their grubby little paws on the baby. And the birthmother had no legal recourse against them.

Anyway---choose a reputable agency, and get some counseling to decide on how much contact with the birthmother you are going to be able to comfortably be able to deal with for the next 18 years.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

On the OTHER side of that---remember that you will be dealing with the birthmother for 18 years.

It is VERY unlikely that you will be able to adopt a newborn domestically WITHOUT having an open adoption. Not very many birthmothers would choose you if you weren't open to continuing contact throughout the child's life.

While it's every birthmother's right to change her mind, it's generally not done as a "fraud" thing; seeing your baby makes it a lot more "real" and that's WHY you can't sign any papers before the birth of the child.

I know of MORE adoptive parents that decided to break the agreement they had with the birthparents as soon as they had their grubby little paws on the baby. And the birthmother had no legal recourse against them.

Anyway---choose a reputable agency, and get some counseling to decide on how much contact with the birthmother you are going to be able to comfortably be able to deal with for the next 18 years.

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Fraud or not, it has the same end effect. I tend to lean towards the worst case. Sometimes the birth father also disallows the adoption to go through after the birth, as is his right. As for the 18 years - that isn't enforceable, like you said. It's an agreement, not a binding contract. Trust me - I know this one from personal experience.

Absolutely - choose somewhere reputable. Ask them to interview other families that they have worked with in the past.

And whether the broken agreement is binding or not, I know women who have attempted suicide when they realize that the adoptive family lied to get their baby.

And whether it was planned, the depression, anxiety, and anger are the same result.

I'm just pointing out that there are "frauds" on BOTH sides.