I'm struggling lately with Islam and need some help. I was born and raised a Muslim in the US. I am now a woman in her 30s. I'm struggling with my religion because of many disturbing verses in the Quran (things like killing nonbelievers, giving women 1/2 the inheritance as their brothers, and beating your wife if she doesn't listen). Also, I am disturbed by the fact that Prophet Muhammad married a child. These are just some of the things that bother me.

My problem is that I come from a large conservative Muslim family and am not sure how to tell them. Many of our functions revolve around Muslim holidays like Eid-ul-Fitr and Eid-ul-Adha and events during Ramadan. I just don't want to continue acting like I believe when I don't. But it'll break their hearts and infuriate them if they know the truth. Some or all of them may disown me or never speak to me again. My home is full of Islamic artifacts and books given to me as gifts by them. I like some aspects of Islam but the problems are big ones.

If you have any advice, please let me know. I'm really struggling with this and would like to live honestly. I originally posted this question on the Islam thread and received 3 replies but then the entire question was deleted. I guess the Islam thread is run like a dictatorship and there are some things you cannot dare ask. That's why I'm now posting here. Thanks for your help.

Hey hi , I 'm muslim too and I really under stand how you feel ? I guess nobody will answer islam question about here you posted in wrong place first and in wrong webstie , I think living out side from not muslim countrys infected you , you are human after all and you can ask yourself questions but you have to ask a grown up person so he can help you don't keep it by yourself bothrin you like that it's simple please don't say this religon islam bothrin me , allah blessed us with this religon you only need to be answerd your question from Imam or grown up person that you really trust , don't push yourself that far please change your mind about this thing live your life pray to Allah and thank for him to be alife with full health and you have question ask don't you ever never keep it yourself islam religon is about qustion and understanding and beleving so do it .

Every religion has some or the other flaws.
Give one religion which doesn't have even a single problem. People observed flaws in religion that they follow that's why so many religions are formed.
But all religion teaches one thing in common that is "peace", "believe in supreme power". So just do that.
Never leave your religion, always love it. Follow the things which you like in it. Its just the fact that the flaws seems to be bigger to you than the good things. There are so many good things that Islam teaches, read those everyday and follow those.
By the way, I'm not a Muslim.

Do you have a Muslim husband or an open-minded, perhaps non-religious husband... or are you single? Do you live with your parents or with a husband?

I think you are in a very precarious situation. I would encourage you to do studies on religion, but don't rile up your family by a profession of non-belief. Just "go along to get along" for the time being.

That is my opinion with the information given so far.

Like Shatriya said, every religion has their flaws.
I'm also Muslim and living the USA and I have also questioned many things about religion. Times are changing and have changed since the Quran was brought to us.. Things like killing non-believers.. Only extremist do.. I'm a very peaceful, open minded person and I believe Allah put other religions on this earth to see if we could work out our differences, not to see how many people we could kill.. I mean we are all human beings in the end.. As for the Beating your wife if she doesn't listen... you should have enough power to make sure that doesn't happen to you.. I honestly didn't know that was in the Quran.. But like I said.. times have changed and I think only few middle eastern countries still do that.. I honestly think that's ridiculous.

Thanks so much for the responses. I'm a single woman, never married, no kids. The rules in Islam require a Muslim woman to marry a Muslim man (but a Muslim man can marry up to 4 women of his choice). I've been acting as if I agree with many things for many years. I feel like a hypocrite. How can I marry a Muslim man when I feel like they suppress women? The ones I've met seem to have power/control issues. Lately, I just hate being a Muslim woman. I want to say more but when I expressed my views in my last post, it was deleted. If anonymous Muslims on an Islam thread won't help me, I can guarantee that my male relatives will not want to listen to my views on this, either. They'll consider it blasphemous.

I feel stuck. Like I can't be myself. Do non-believing Jews and Christians and Hindus have to deal with this fear of their families/friends turning against them? Islam is all I've ever known so I don't even know what I'd do without it. I've never celebrated Christmas or Easter. I've celebrated Ramadan and Eid. I don't really want to leave everything but I want to somehow make it clear that not everything in the Quran--in my opinion--is fact. And also that one of the most revered leaders in our religion--again, in my opinion--did some things he shouldn't have. But I'm dealing with people that start riots over cartoons, you know? Having open, honest discussions isn't the way, from what I've witnessed all my life.

Assalaam alaikum NewChapter,

I would just like to make one thing clear, it is not the anonymous muslims on the boards deleting your threads.

The Moderators of this site take seriously any inflammatory remarks regarding any religion and delete ones which seems so.

Wa alaikum salaam

OK so you don't really like the rules of the Qran, but you have to listen to them, but here is some of my avids. Some things that christchains do you might not like, and second of all you can do something's that they can't do. You were born muslim and you have to stay muslim, sorry but that's all the advise I have. Hope this help. Good luck

The religion is so intense you run the risk of putting yourself in danger if you reject the religion. I'm sure you know that.

You are an American though so the transition might be a tad bit easier. If you do not believe what others are believing around you. It is harder to not believe but it is also your right to believe whatever you desire.

Your family is going to feel like your rejecting them when you reject the religion. In the end you have to answer for yourself and someone once told me.
If you feel like something is wrong and you keep doing it then you are wrong.

The truth will set you free.

Good Luck, Maybe find a therapist to talk to about this in your area.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by newchapter

I feel stuck. Like I can't be myself. Do non-believing Jews and Christians and Hindus have to deal with this fear of their families/friends turning against them? Islam is all I've ever known so I don't even know what I'd do without it. I've never celebrated Christmas or Easter. I've celebrated Ramadan and Eid. I don't really want to leave everything but I want to somehow make it clear that not everything in the Quran--in my opinion--is fact. And also that one of the most revered leaders in our religion--again, in my opinion--did some things he shouldn't have. But I'm dealing with people that start riots over cartoons, you know? Having open, honest discussions isn't the way, from what I've witnessed all my life.

---

When Christians, Jews, and Hindus stop believing in their Faith they are no longer classified as such.

Just as you are not really a Muslim. You are living a lie and it is sad. But, unfortunately most other religions don't have to worry about the violents and loss of family because they choose not to believe what their family does.

I read a story about a Muslim who became a Christian. His family disowned him and he fled to New York to seek safety. He is teaching Sunday school and has not seen his family in 10 years. He fears that if he sees them again they will kill him.

I think that is very sad. I honestly hopes this all works out for you.

If your small community disowns you for choosing what's right for you, then they are fanatics of religion. A lot of muslims are like that. I grew up around some muslims. I have no idea why muslims are so much into their religion to the point where they are willing to disown, torture and terrorise people who may go against their teachings.

You grew up in the US! You know what life is like being a non-muslim. Get yourself out of this and be free!
Do this for yourself. Stop pleasing people and think about your life and your future.

Yes you are in the US you have the freedom to break free and live your life as you see fit. I recently denounced christianity cause I have problems with their beliefs, I don't see jesus christ as my lord and saviour and that's a big problem for some friends and family. My mother has learnt to deal with my new beliefs.

Look @ it this way it could be worst you could be in a country like Saudi Arabia where you don't have a choice but to follow the muslim religion.

Bottom line you got a choice I think you should use it.

Heello!

Before I say anything I'd like to comment that I'm very happy that you posted your question newchapter because I'm in the same boat as you. And, just knowing that someone out there is able to understand and relate to how I feel means a lot to me. I know this is going to be a long one, so please bear with me. It's nice to let some things out.

I'm actually in what I call limbo with Islam. A part of me feels that it's right, and a part of me outright disagrees. It's hard being stable when you have one foot in one boat, and the other in another boat because when they go into their different paths, you'll end up drowning in water. And, I don't know how to swim in it.

I thought about it and honestly it's really hard to make a decision. If I choose to denounce Islam I know that it'd make a huge impact on my family, and my relationship with my family especially my mother, brother and father. Not to mention my tyrant of a stepfather who will wreck havoc, and my gossip-loving family who'd start a storm.

I think there's two reasons for people and their "harsh" reproach to denouncement of religion. It's because the religion is associated with the word "my". My friend told me once that in her English class, her teacher raised the debate on what religion was the best -- and the whole class started arguing with one another. You know how kids (i.e: teens) don't really follow their religion at all, nowadays? Well, naturally people became possessive over their religion because it is "my religion". I think that's what really would irk my family, and even yours. And secondly because they think it's really a heaven sent blessing from God. I can relate to that because I was in the zone where I was totally religious, and everything.

You can try bringing up the topic randomly with your family, but not mention how you want to leave Islam. Just a topic about apostates and see how your family reacts, so you can get an idea.

Honestly, and I was hoping to talk to you in PM. I feel better when I know there's something I can listen to, and talk to. I don't feel so alone anymore.

In this situation, I'm not too sure what the right choice is to do.

I don't want to ruin my relationship with my family, but I don't want to be dishonest, and hypocritical. It's ironic how in the Qur'an they speak of hypocrites so lowly. It makes me wonder -- were they in the same situation as us? Where fear gave them no choice but to believe in Islam because apostates are to be killed -- beheaded, actually.

It's like Islam gives us no choice but to be hypocrites.

Truthseeker please post your question in a separate thread as this one is from last year.

MISCONCEPTION #1 :
All Muslim men marry four wives.


The religion of Islam was revealed for all societies and all times and
So accommodates widely differing social requirements. Circumstances
May warrant the taking of another wife but the right is granted,
According to the Quran, only on condition that the husband is
Scrupulously fair. No woman can be forced into this kind of marriage
If they do not wish it, and they also have the right to exclude it in
Their marriage contract.

Polygamy is neither mandatory, nor encouraged, but merely permitted.
Images of "sheikhs with harems" are not consistent with Islam, as a
Man is only allowed at most four wives only if he can fulfill the
Stringent conditions of treating each fairly and providing each with
Separate housing etc. Permission to practice polygamy is not
Associated with mere satisfaction of passion. It is rather
Associated with compassion toward widows and orphans. It was the
Quran that limited and put conditions on the practice of polygamy
Among the Arabs, who had as many as ten or more wives and considered
Them "property".

It is both honest and accurate to say that it is Islam that regulated
This practice, limited it, made it more humane, and instituted equal
Rights and status for all wives. What the Qur'anic decrees amount to,
Taken together is discouragement of polygamy unless necessity for it
Exists. It is also evident that the general rule in Islam is monogamy
And not polygamy. It is a very tiny percentage of Muslims that
Practice it over the world. However, permission to practice limited
Polygamy is only consistent with Islam's realistic view of the nature
Of man and woman and of various social needs, problems and cultural
Variations.

The question is, however far more than the inherent flexibility of
Islam; it also is the frank and straightforward approach of Islam in
Dealing with practical problems. Rather than requiring hypocritical
And superficial compliance, Islam delves deeper into the problems of
Individuals and societies, and provides for legitimate and clean
Solutions which are far more beneficial than would be the case if they
Were ignored. There is no doubt that the second wife legally married
And treated kindly is better off than a mistress without any legal
Rights or expermanence.


MISCONCEPTION #2:
Islam oppresses women.

The image of the typical Muslim woman wearing the veil and forced to
Stay home and forbidden to drive is all too common in most peoples
Thoughts. Although some Muslim countries may have laws that oppress
Women, this should not be seen as coming from Islam. Many of these
Countries do not rule by any kind of Shari'ah (Islamic law) and
Introduce their own cultural standpoints on the issue of gender
Equity.

Islam on the other hand gives men and women different roles and equity
Between the two is laid down in the Quran and the example of the
Prophet (peace be upon him). Islam sees a woman, whether single or
Married, as an individual in her own right, with the right to own and
Dispose of her property and earnings. A marriage gift is given by
The groom to the bride for her own personal use, and she keeps her
Own family name rather than taking her husband's. Both men and women
Are expected to dress in a way that is modest and dignified. The
Messenger of God (peace be upon him) said: "The most perfect in faith
amongst believers is he who is best in manner and kindest to his
wife."

Violence of any kind towards women and forcing them against their
Will for anything is not allowed. A Muslim marriage is a simple, legal
Agreement in which either partner is free to include conditions.
Marriage customs thus vary widely from country to country. Divorce is
Not common, although it is acceptable as a last resort. According to
Islam, a Muslim girl cannot be forced to marry against her will: her
Parents simply suggest young men they think may be suitable.

For the complete article visit :: http://www.jannah.org/articles/misc.html

MISCONCEPTION #1 :
All Muslim men marry four wives.


The religion of Islam was revealed for all societies and all times and
So accommodates widely differing social requirements. Circumstances
May warrant the taking of another wife but the right is granted,
According to the Quran, only on condition that the husband is
Scrupulously fair. No woman can be forced into this kind of marriage
If they do not wish it, and they also have the right to exclude it in
Their marriage contract.

Polygamy is neither mandatory, nor encouraged, but merely permitted.
Images of "sheikhs with harems" are not consistent with Islam, as a
Man is only allowed at most four wives only if he can fulfill the
Stringent conditions of treating each fairly and providing each with
Separate housing etc. Permission to practice polygamy is not
Associated with mere satisfaction of passion. It is rather
Associated with compassion toward widows and orphans. It was the
Quran that limited and put conditions on the practice of polygamy
Among the Arabs, who had as many as ten or more wives and considered
Them "property".

It is both honest and accurate to say that it is Islam that regulated
This practice, limited it, made it more humane, and instituted equal
Rights and status for all wives. What the Qur'anic decrees amount to,
Taken together is discouragement of polygamy unless necessity for it
Exists. It is also evident that the general rule in Islam is monogamy
And not polygamy. It is a very tiny percentage of Muslims that
Practice it over the world. However, permission to practice limited
Polygamy is only consistent with Islam's realistic view of the nature
Of man and woman and of various social needs, problems and cultural
Variations.

The question is, however far more than the inherent flexibility of
Islam; it also is the frank and straightforward approach of Islam in
Dealing with practical problems. Rather than requiring hypocritical
And superficial compliance, Islam delves deeper into the problems of
Individuals and societies, and provides for legitimate and clean
Solutions which are far more beneficial than would be the case if they
Were ignored. There is no doubt that the second wife legally married
And treated kindly is better off than a mistress without any legal
Rights or expermanence.


MISCONCEPTION #2:
Islam oppresses women.

The image of the typical Muslim woman wearing the veil and forced to
Stay home and forbidden to drive is all too common in most peoples
Thoughts. Although some Muslim countries may have laws that oppress
Women, this should not be seen as coming from Islam. Many of these
Countries do not rule by any kind of Shari'ah (Islamic law) and
Introduce their own cultural standpoints on the issue of gender
Equity.

Islam on the other hand gives men and women different roles and equity
Between the two is laid down in the Quran and the example of the
Prophet (peace be upon him). Islam sees a woman, whether single or
Married, as an individual in her own right, with the right to own and
Dispose of her property and earnings. A marriage gift is given by
The groom to the bride for her own personal use, and she keeps her
Own family name rather than taking her husband's. Both men and women
Are expected to dress in a way that is modest and dignified. The
Messenger of God (peace be upon him) said: "The most perfect in faith
amongst believers is he who is best in manner and kindest to his
wife."

Violence of any kind towards women and forcing them against their
Will for anything is not allowed. A Muslim marriage is a simple, legal
Agreement in which either partner is free to include conditions.
Marriage customs thus vary widely from country to country. Divorce is
Not common, although it is acceptable as a last resort. According to
Islam, a Muslim girl cannot be forced to marry against her will: her
Parents simply suggest young men they think may be suitable.

For the complete article visit :: http://www.jannah.org/articles/misc.html

Assalam o alaikkum
The questions of miss newchaptr forced me to be the part of this forum,
I noticed that newchaptr is th victim of false propeganda,once ths questions confused me a lot,bt when I consulted quran,very surprisingly all confusion vanished and I get the answrs,I ll discuss your misconcepts briefly,(though all thse questions cb discused in detail)
Firstly,lady aisha was 17 or 18 when she get married,visit, ilovedrzakirnaik.com and read the details with proves
Secondly,woman is the owner of 1/2 part,basicaaly this 1/2 part is just a gift for a woman from islam,just a present from ALLAH,u know in islam man hs to fulfil all the needs of his familly,he has one part of property in wich he hs to fulfil the needs of his kids,n wife(who is the oowener of 1/2part)he hs to spend this one part on his wife and kids,on the other hand women is the only owner of her part,she cn spend this property acoording to her own wishes,she hs nt any resposibilty to spend this wealth on her kids and husband so is nt it a present for her?
Thirdly,four mariages,in quran I ve read that only those men are allowd to do 4 marriages who can do justice between all tha wives,so if they find it difficult and no doubt its difficult,then only one wife is enough for a man,
We can't undrestnd th logics of ALLAH,now its proved that the women population is more than mens,so if a man do 7 marriges then all women ll be get married,n above all just c in the societies whr onlyone marriage is allowd,wts going on there?man has 4 or more than 4 girlfrnds bt he is nt the resposible of illigal kids,only girl is the resposible of thes illigal kids,is it nt a tyranny with a girl,in islam if a man ll do four mariges,he ll be the responsible of the kids and wives,now you cn imagine which situation is better??
Fourthly,beating a women,
Who told you that islam allowed a man to beat his wife?? islam ordrd men to treat women with love and care,women r PEARLS,don't break them,treat them as you treat pearls,only in one case man is allowed to beat his wife,that is when wife is involved in illegal sexual relations with other man,husband should solve this issue throgh talk bt if hs wife dsnt hear him still do illigal sexual ralaations then he is allowd to beat her,bt in this situation man is nt allowed to slap on her face,islam is pure religion can't bear any impure relations so this permission is only to remind women her status,n if man ll try to tke wrong advantage from this permission,he ll be sinful
Dear sis,I just wnt to sy that read quran and gt help, we muslims are confused nw bcas we ve no time to read QURAN,this is the main reason of our decline,mayallah help us and guide us to the right path
p.s,I'm a common muslim,nt ve much knowledge of islam,just ge help from quran