I have two son; 31 and 36, they are very abusive toward me, now is the verbal and emotional abuse that comes out more often.

Without going on with too many explanations, I just want to know what to do, they blame me for all their misfortunes ( you can deduct that I am a single mother) They are on their own, making a good live for them self, except for the sick way on which we relate.

Yesterday my eldest son told me that he hates me, that he is ashame to have a mother like myself that if I am going to commit suicide he would come to my funeral... I must say, it hurts too much, I have told him that I don''t want to ever talk to them, but that as well tears my heart away, anybody out there with any comment?

Stop talking to them. You are all adults. If you don't like the way they speak to you, don't speak to them.

Hi, I feel for the pain that must cause you to feel the abuse and rejection from your children. I've been there, and still feel as if I am on many occasions, so I can empathize. In my case, my son has a mental illness (no excuse for his behaviors, though), plus has turned to abusing drugs and alcohol which doesn't help fare this out any better. I used to think it was just some stage, but it's gotten worse, never any better. I used to wrack my brain wondering what I did wrong, but I'm working on not doing that anymore. I've come to the conclusion that it is not my problem, but his. Regardless of how our children perceive their upbringing, that time is past, so it's time to move on from whatever real or imagined beefs they have with it, I think. Every adult simply cannot blame their own woes or character on whatever they perceive happened when they were children, but I believe they carry that on as a way for it not to have a reflection on their own character, maybe? My own son is soon to be 28, but acts more like a rebellious teenager than he ever did when he was a teenager. The things that come out of his mouth are mind boggling, never mind that his memories and my own just do not jive. Mind you, I don't know if his mental issues play into that, but let me tell you that he can come up with some real whoppers about how it was. I also don't know if the addictions have helped to worsen his memories, or he's just a plain old liar, even to himself. I'm not sure that being a single parent would single you out for the abuse from your children since mine had both parents while growing up and have both, still. After years and years of helping him (probably enabling) because he was our child, even through his continual bs blaming issue, never mind all the disrespect, I finally said... ENOUGH! I don't go looking for him because he takes every opportunity to just disrespect me when he thinks he's gained an inch of support, or comfort. So, when he calls me for whatever the reason, he's expected to be respectful, or I'm not talking to him. If he comes to my home, he's expected to be respectful, or he will be asked to leave, or I will throw him out on his head. He does know that I prefer for him to not even be coming around here if he's not on his best cause I'm not amused to be putting up with his stank. I am the mother who this works well for. Of course, his father's not done giving up on him yet, but I think he's getting pretty close to fed up, too. However, since I share this house, the rules apply regardless... talk to me in a respectful manner and I will reply the same. Otherwise, go find somebody else to vent at cause I'm simply not putting up with it. So, if your sons are not willing to treat you with respect, maybe it would help if you at least could minimize the contact, if not eliminate it altogether. Have you tried talking with them about how you feel? If you have and nothing positive has come of it, it may simply be time for you to find your own positive connection to people through other sources. I firmly believe this: people will not trample on you if you don't allow it. It is easier said than done, I know, when it comes to our own children. However, for the sake of our own peace of mind, or peace in our hearts even, it may be time to cut the cord, so to speak, or continue to put up with the hurtfulness. For me, the hurtfulness is simply not an option. I know I did the best I could, but if my best wasn't good enough for him, then it becomes his problem and he can go deal with it in his own corner, but stay the heck out of mine. There are no perfect parents, just as there are no perfect children, so everybody has to give a little, hopefully, the best of what they have, but even when it wasn't perfect, we don't have to put up with any abuse. I told mine that if all he cares to do is complain, I'd prefer not to even hear it. In fact, I'm not even open to it anymore and he needed to get off his bs if he chose to. If not, just to be sure and stay out of my breathing space... HA!:D

Wow thank you, my son is so insensitive and inconsiderate and selfish it is beyond reasoning. We didn't speak for 3 years then we got together again and he stood me up for my birthday and I spent the day in tears. He told me to f-off 2 days before. It's a long story but none of it makes sense and can I ever relate to the posters comments about their perceived memories.

I've now told him to hit the road and get out of my life, I wouldn't have an abusive boyfriend and I sacrificed my life for my children and did the best I could. Their needs were always my greatest concern and put mine aside. Was I perfect absolutely not but I never abandoned or rejected them. Now the disrespect has latched on to my daughter and I've come to a place that I will not put up with it any longer. I can't it's is so hurtful and depressing I can not suffer like this and go on feeling this way for selfish, self centered children who know nothing of the commitment and sacrifices it takes to raise a child to 18. In my world mothering has been a thankless job. But I will now move on after 27 years of parenting and make my own life.

50 is the new 40 right!

"Don't let the bastards get you down", parents have the right to be, if not honoured, at the very least respected.

Time to cut the ties, stop talking, and if they harrass you further, call the police. They need to understand, mother or not, you are an adult and they are adults. And it is illigal to treat someone like that, no matter who they are or THINK they are.

Good luck hon.

Thank you, this site as been very supportive although I just found it, but reading the posts I see I'm not alone in this humiliating and hurtful experience. I have no family or friends that I can confide in and I have felt almost suicidal with grief. My mother was a difficult woman, but I always forgave her and my father an alcoholic who I had much respect for. I did my duty has a daughter and put up with them even when it was difficult. I believed in "FAMILY VALUES". My daughter thinks I'm just the CEO of "her" bank and my son is belligerent and cruel. It is a commandment not a suggestion, HONOUR THY MOTHER AND FATHER. Unless my son comes with a sincere apology, when he is with child he will have a hard time getting me as a babysitter, you see the tables are turning, you can only be spit in the face... not literally, so many times and not get fed up. As far as I can see, when my daughter goes to university in the next couple of years I will be free of responsibility and I can say to myself with a clear conscience that I did the best I could, and yes I made mistakes, yes I was under stress at times, but I always was a giver and intervened in any problems they had or tried to help them in anyway.
They are not born to judge their parents but to honour them and respect them. It is God's job to judge and when they have children and take on life's stresses they will see how difficult life can be and how we try to make the best of things.
If your heart is in the right place then there is no reason to feel guilty or ashamed. We are all saved by "grace" and children can be merciless. I forgive myself for my shortcomings and I know I try to help the world and be kind and considerate to others. I can be treated better by people at the bus stop then my own children. So they need to grow up and when they see how self centred the world can be then they can appreciate a mother's love. Because most parents put their children first. I dislike those who don't have manners and respect for others I thought I tried to instill this in my children. I cannot teach anymore so they are God's children and he will have to get a hold of them. As its been said before having children is like having your heart walking around on the outside. All I can do is pray for them. After all of the upset and hopeful anticipation of just simply having both my children at my side and spending some time together was dashed, with resolve I say to myself, they are immature and selfish but life itself will be their greatest teacher, my job is done.
We do not have children to be abused or judged by them. Yes of course communicate and try to get closer, but when it is just belligerent and insulting and fabricated through the eyes of immaturity then I'm sorry I will rely on my own wisdom of what reality is and they can suck eggs... lol

I totally understand how you feel. After so many years of abusive behavior I decided to break ties with my son. Drugs have totally changed his personality. He has uncontrolled anger and always blames me for all his problems. I love him but I don't like the way he acts, dresses or talks to me. I cannot change him only God can so until he changes I will have no dealings with him. I have comed to accept that he is emotionally imbalanced due to the drugs he took or is taking??

I totally understand how you feel! After many years of abusive behavior I decided to break ties with my son. Drugs have changed his personality. He has uncontrolled anger and always blames me for all his problems. I love him but I don't like the way he looks, acts or talks to me. I have to accept that he is emotionally imbalanced due to the drugs he took or is taking?? God will deal with our rebellious children.

It's unbelievable that adult children can be so cruel to parents that have tried their very best to support them emotionally, physicially and financially. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone

So great to not be alone. These kids are so off base. They feel so entitled. I'm tired of them and by ignoring them, they eventually back off and end up choosing another victim. Thanks for your blogs. Very comforting.

The original thread here is over a year old.

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