My daughter is 2 years old. Her father has never paid me a penny for child support nor has he ever wanted to see her. He hasn't even asked to see a picture. The last time I talked to him, he was threatening me and telling me how he was unstable and wanted to die, etc. He isn't on the birth certificate and I don't know where he is, he stopped talking to me and the last time I did talk to him, he said "you and some kid are the least of my worries".

My boyfriend and I have been talking marriage and he said he wanted to adopt her when we got married which I am more than happy to let him since he is the only fathe she has ever known and he has helped support and raise her and she calls him daddy. My question is "Can he adopt her without her father signing away his rights since he isnt on the birth certificate or in her life and I dont know where he is?"

Also, I'm trying to get medicaid and what not for her because I can't afford the insurance through my work and they are saying I need to go after child support before they will considering giving me some help and I need to go to the Department of Revenue. If I do this and they track him down and make him pay, will I have to let him see her? The reason I ask is because I know him and his life revolves around drinking, clubs, sleeping with different women, working out and steroids and I don't want her to be subject to that life. Also would he still have to pay child support if he did sign away his rights? Or would they drop trying to go after him for child support if he signed away his rights?

While I understand your dilema, I can understand the medicaid people wanting to see a support order in place. That his name is not on the birth certificate, does not exempt him. It isn't proof of anything.

People change. At some point in your child's life, they will go looking for their history, and there will be questions that you will have to answer. To have her live without knowing who her real father was/is, or living a life thinking your new husband is her real father, isn't really fair to your child.

I think what I'm trying to say is, get some legal advice on how to handle this situation. For all concerned, including the natural father. If he is given the option of allowing the adoption of his child to your new husband and is off the hook for support payments etc. he may very well opt for that. Then you have some control when he (probably) pops back into her life at some point.

The most stable situation for your child would be for her to be adoped, particularly in light of him being the only father she has known. But, until you address these issues with a lawyer, you may find yourself going down a path that will only bring you heartache.

I understand what you are saying. People do change, but I'd want proof before allowing him to see her. I'd want slow and supervised visits and I'd also want him to be tested every 3 months or so to make sure he isn't still on steroids or any other drugs. I have tried in the past to see if he wanted to meet her, but he had shown no want in being in her life. I wasn't even asking him for child support and told me I just wanted her to have her father in her life and still he didn't want to and now I'm with this guy and he wants to adopt her when we get married and that's why he is the only father she knows. Not because kept her from her real dad, but because he didn't want anything to do with her.

I also plan to tell my daughter who her real father is when she is old enough to understand whether, my future huband adopts her. I won't keep that a secret from her, but at this point in time she is just too young to understand.

You really sound like a good mom to me.

If it ever does come to pass that he does see her, I don't blame you one bit for insisting on safety precautions as you've mentioned. All those things will have to be considered.

I really hope though, by you taking charge now, you will avoid problems in the future.

Maybe if the biological father is given an option, it's to your advantage both now, and in the future. If he signs away parental rights, and allows the adoption to take place, he has no legal standing in the future.

I really wish you well Mommysince 2002.

You should have done a lot of things 2 years ago, you needed to file for custody of the child and filed for child support back then,

But yes, you need to file for child support.

And as for as signing over his rights, he may or he may not, but you will need to try and get him to sign those rights over.