I have been seeing a man that I have know for many (6) years. We have always had a very good relationship. About two years ago my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. We (my current boyfriend and I) eventually became more than friends. We have been seeing each other for about a year now and I have to be completely honest and say that he is everything I want. My family loves him and I have no doubt that we could make it. However, I was out this holiday visiting my family in another state and he went through my personal things and found a picture of my ex-boyfriend and my grandfather. He got upset and questioned me about why I still have a picture of him. I explained to him that the only reason why I have the picture is because my grandfather is in the photo. He became very upset and left my house. I in return of being so mad about the situation asked him to leave my key to my house and take all his things with him. He later asked me to never speak to him ever again. It has been about three days now and to be completely honest I do not know what I should do. I feel that at times he is looking through my things on purpose to find a reason to fight and the out-come of this is he packs up his things and leaves. I am usually the one who reaches out to him and tries to fix things. I have explained to him that I do not want to be with my ex and that I am (and truly am) in love with him. I do not know if there is anything more I can do to prove this to him. I realize now that maybe I should have put the picture away or even cut my ex out of it, but I honestly did not know what to do with the picture. Once I got home I did end up cutting my ex out of the photo. There is more to the story... that is completely unrelated to this topic. My current boyfriend has a young daughter with another woman. He is very secretive about his relationship with her and never talks about her to me. I do not have any children, but I do love them and eventually want some of my own in the near future. I have explained to him my concern with why he doesn't mention anything to me about her. He does not tell me when he goes to spend time with her nor does he just talk about her in general. I have a talk with him about a month ago and asked him to please include me. He agreed to do so, but over the holiday I know spent time with her and he did not mention anything to me about it. To be honest... I was very hurt. I feel that he maybe hiding something from me. If things were reversed and I had nothing to do with my ex other than my child with him... I would not have a problem talking about my relationship with my child to my current boyfriend. It wouldn't be difficult for me to say... I'm going to go spend some time with my child or pick he/she up from his father's house (just an example). I just don't see what the big deal is. The only thing that I can come to is that he doesn't want me to be apart of his relationship with his daughter because he is not that serious about me. We have on many occasions talked about getting married. Like I said he has met my family and everyone I love in my life. I just don't understand why he is holding back and picking fights about about things that I am sure he knows has not relevance to my life now.


With that said... I do not know what I should do from this point. Should I try to reach out to him about the picture and reassure him that he is indeed the one that I love and express my concern about him not including me when it comes to his relationship with his daughter? Or do I let it go now, because these are signs of a relationship that we are not able to salvage?

I think the daughter is a bigger issue than the picture. Is he jealous in general? Did you give him reason to think you are not over your ex? It sounds like you both handled that situation with too much drama. You say you want to marry him, but are you going to kick him out of the house every time you have a fight? That's not the best way to work through a problem.

As for the daughter... I can understand him not wanting you in the daughter's life unless until he is sure the relationship is going to last. That would be to protect her from getting too close to you and then taking you out of her life. However, there is no reason for him to not talk to you about their relationship. Or to not let you know when he is visiting her. It makes me wonder if there is something going on with him and her mother. I would definitely look further into this before reconciling with him.

Pictures, I hope you have many photos of your past, they are memories and you don't throw them out, at least all of them.
So he needs to get over it, and accept you had a past and will have a future,

For the daughter, has the girl never been to your home, on his days of visitation do you not do things together. to me that is a problem, he is not committing.

I agree. His daughter is the bigger issue. Yes, I believe he is jealous, but I do not believe I have given him any reason to think that I do not love him. I am very affectionate with him and I tell him regularly how attracted I am to him and how I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I don't believe I have don't anything to make him think that I am not over my ex. I think it is his insecurity. I am with him all the time and we have talked on several occasions about getting married and our future together. I know that we both can be dramatic, but I have on many occasions not taken the key back from him, but when someone continuously threatens to leave every time something doesn't go his way or the way he feels I should handle it... what am I to do? I agree its not the best way to work through the problem, but he needs to making threats. I am honestly tired of it and I honestly wonder if we were to get married if he would walk out on me easily. I understand what you are saying about protecting his daughter and I completely agree. I'm not asking him to introduce me to her. All I want his for him to do is be more open with me about her and when he visits her. I think its only far. Especially, if we are talking about getting married. I agree with you that maybe there could be something going on with him and her mother. I have had talks with him about this many times and yet he continues to not include me in his involvement with his daughter.

I feel the same way about the picture Fr_Chuck about the picture. Its just a photo and I was planning on putting it up so he wouldn't see it. It would hurt me to see pictures of his ex, but I would have never reacted in that manner. Your right pictures are of my past. Thanks! As for his visition with his daughter... no he does not bring her to my home. We have been together for a year now and he mentioned to me once that he was going to see her. I have had those same thoughts that he is not committing to me as he is leading me to believe. I know that this is a sensative subject (his daughter) but I just don't understand why he does talk about her in general or say to me things like... guess what I got her for Christams or today I'm going to take her to Chucky Chesse , etc.

I have been seeing a man for over a year now that has a young child. Up until this weekend we never had a detailed conversation about the child. The only reason we discussed the child was because I had access to his email and found an email that his ex (the mother of his child) sent him. In the email she didn't talk about anything special and to be honest it wasn't anything inappropriate. Towards the end of the email she closed by saying that she loved him. When I asked him about the email... we ended up having a three hour long conversation about how he does not want anything to do with her other than the connection they have of having a child together. Later that night I looked through his cell phone and found out that he had lied to me that same week (the same week that she sent the email telling him how she loved him). I saw through a video that he was spending time with his child at her house(the mother of his child's house). There was no-one else in the video, but the point is his lied about where he was and he is spending time with his child at her house. That can make anyone in my situation uncomfortable. I don't have any children, but I do know what is appropriate and what is not in a situation like this. I feel he didn't even thing about me and how I would feel if I found out that he lied and that he was spending time with his child at the mother's house while I thought he was some where else. I am really blown away by all this. I don't feel like I have ever done anything to make him feel uncomfortable about coming to me about his child. I told him that I need space to get my thoughts together, because I am very confused at this point. I think the only way I can clear this up is by contacting her directly. I asked him how he felt about this and of course he asked that I not do so because it could cause big problems. I really don't have any other problems with him besides this. He is actually everything that I would want. We have talked about marriage on several occasion (he has brought it up on several occasions) and for us to be together for a year and this happen two weeks ago... I really don't know what to think. I am honestly confused and I need some type of clarification about what is really going on. I don't want to cause any problems with him and the mother of his child, but I have to look out for myself for many reasons.

What should I do?

He probably hid the fact that he went there because he knew you wouldn't approve. Not many people would approve their boyfriend going to their exes house, so he hid it as it may have been the only way he could see his child that day. Personally I commend him, he is doing everything he can to see his child. I'm going to side with him on this one. You can talk to him about what you have found. I also don't agree with your snooping, first through his e-mail and now his cell phone. You need to realize his child should and will come first, I would NEVER think to try and make my fiancé guilty for seeing our girls.

To many secrets is a big red flag, and a reality you must face is you may have been better friends than lovers.

The lack of communications through honest expressions of feelings, and actions is very obvious on his part, and the picture thing is an over reaction on his part.

You have your preview of life with him, now its time for you to make a decision, based on facts and reality.

No kids with this guy. You should really leave him alone, as he doesn't sound ready, or capable, of an adult relationship, built on trust and understanding.

My boyfriend (of a year) and I got into a really bad fight over the weekend. Basically, he told me he was going into work on Saturday morning around 1130. I talked to him once when he got there and then around 230. When he called me it was a little suspicious, because I could tell he was driving in the car. I asked him where he was going and he said he was driving down the street to get something to eat from Subway. He then asked me what my plans for the day were. I told him what they were and he was like... okay be safe I love you. I called him around 415 just to check up on him and he didn't answer the phone. I began to become worried... so I called him non-stop for an hour. He never answered. I sent him an email to his work, called his office and suspicious at work and he never replied. Around 555 he suspicious me back (from work) and called me. I asked him were he was he told me that he went for a walk for 45 minutes and ran into his boss in the office. I was so upset that I ignored his calls the rest of the evening because to be honest I don't believe him. I asked him you went to work to go for a walk? And when he does go for a walk and he is at work... he always calls me. Anyway to make a long story short, that night I told him I need some space because there are a lot of things going on in my life right now and he became extremely mad. He started yelling at me on the phone. I found out that he was at my house (which I thought he no longer had a key to) getting his things. When I pulled up in the drive way he was inside. I called him to ask him to leave (because I knew it was going to be a fight), but he ignored my calls. I stayed in the car and drove down the street and when I came back he was in his car driving out of my neighborhood. When he saw my car he pinned my car in a position to where I could not move unless I backed-up. So I did and when I did he drove forward. Then he got out of the car and started walking toward my car. So I just kept driving backwards. He eventually left and I went back home the next day (I stayed the night a girlfriends house). I am soooo shocked by the events that happened. We have had our ups and downs, but he has never acted out in such a manner. I am so confused and I have decided that the best thing for me to do is just leave him alone and let this be. If it is over for good then it is over... especially after his the way he was acting. Perhaps I over reacted, but I don't feel that justifies he actions. I never yelled at him nor put him in an uncomfortable situation. I can only come up with the conclusion that he must have been doing something he wasn't suppose to be doing. I mean... why else would he act like that? Any thoughts (I would really appreciate feedback for males... just to get a little insite from them, please) ?:(

I think you made a good choice by giving it some time.

Has he ever cheated on you? If not, then has he done anything to betray your trust? If he has I can see why you acted the way you did- otherwise the non-stop calling and being the typical "clingy/worrywart" girlfriend was definitely not the right way to go [it's good you've recognized this].

If you do however end up back together my suggestion to you is to keep lines of communication open, I cannot stress enough about this. It's important- knowing how each other feels and what they understand is crucial in a relationship.

MRS.S

Keep us posted.

History on this story: About a year ago my boyfriend contacted my sister for my grandmother's address (I was at my grandma's for the holiday & my sister was still in town). Well, my sister provided my boyfriend with my grandparents address to send me flowers, but I also found out that they also had a long conversation through email & text messages that same day (I know about the email because she told me and sent it to me, but she also cut parts of it out and she denies having it now). The conversations started with jokes and discussion on about how I would react to receiving flowers from him while I was out of town. They also talked about career goals and so on. My sister called me later that day and said that my boyfriend asked her out to dinner/lunch to discuss helping her with her career goal (he is in the profession that she would like to be in). At the time I automatically did not believe my sister. She and I have never had a good relationship (we are a year apart). I then nicely confronted my boyfriend and he totally denied it and wanted to confront my sister, but because I didn't want a big fight about it (and the fact that I know my sister is a liar) I explained to my boyfriend that she and I do not have a good relationship and I asked him not to reach out to her anymore because she would twist the story and make him out to be the bad person... when I know she is the one who is really up to something.

The other day: He sent her a text message (he has her number because I called it from his phone one time) and asked her if I had made it home safe (I was driving back home from out of town). I was not able to call him myself and tell him my status because my cell phone died. She responded by just telling him that my cell phone must had died because she couldn't reach me either. Well, once I got home I called my sister because she left me a message on my voicemail. She explained to me that he sent her a text message and that she responded. BTW... I had also asked her prior to his text message to not respond to any messages whether it is through emails, texting or phone calls. I asked her why she did that and she didn't really have an answer. So when my boyfriend called me I kind of went off. I was like why are you contacting my sister after what she did last year? He was like I was worried about you, but what I don't understand is why doesn't he call my parents? They would know where I was because I would call them before anyone. She lied on him last year…why would he put himself in the position again to possibly get lied on again by her. It’s an uncomfortable position for me and I honestly wouldn't mind if this ordeal didn't happen last year (that they contact each other for the sole purpose of me). He then went off on me told me that I was immature and had low self-esteem. I also, recently asked my sister about the situation again and she has now changed her story and said that he didn't ask just her... he asked to help her meaning... I would be present as well. I have decided long time ago to limit my interaction with her not only because of this but because I can't trust anything she says. It’s never what actually happens. I don’t know why she lies about stuff but she just does. Anyway, my boyfriend told me to never to contact him again and I don't know what I should do? Should I reach out to him or just let him go? We have been together now for two years and I don’t want to let him go, but sometime when he is made he totally ignores me for days or weeks and honestly I don’t want try to contact him only to get rejected. I love him, but I need him to listen to my requests no matter what. I do the same for him. Do you guys see my reasoning why I asked him to just leave her alone? What should I do?

Since he said "don't contact him", don't contact him. This appears to be a last straw for him. From this post, I can conclude that he probably doesn't want to be in the middle of warring sisters.

After reading your March 2009 thread, I think you have greater issues than just your sister and any games she might or might not play.

How much do you really trust him? How many times between March and today have you been suspicious of his actions? Be honest with yourself. Has this really been a healthy relationship?