I will start at beginning. Hopefully I won’t put you all to sleep. I had been going to a karaoke bar for awhile, with my boys. I am in my 40’s, and married.
This Girl, Cathy lost her husband. He was a police officer, he died very tragically. One night she really broke down, and all her friends were standing around, shaking their heads what to do. A few said, geez she should be over this by now. It had only been 3months since he died. I didn't know her but felt her pain, so I just sat there holding her hand, trying my best to console her. Someone else took her home, then the next fri on Karaoke night I saw her again, and we briefly talked, thanking me for coming to her rescue. As the weeks went by, we became closer. Then I started going over her house, almost daily. We just hit it off.
She didn’t want to be alone, and always invited me over, just to hang out. Then when I went home, we would talk for hours. You know typical girl stuff.
Her emotional health was going downhill fast, and I was always there for her. One night she called me at 2am, to say goodbye. I raced to her house 10 miles away, and there she was lying on the floor passed out with liquor & pills on the floor. I immediately called 911. They came took her away, and she spent 3 days in observation. When she was released, I picked her up.
At least 2 nights a week, I stayed with her, all night. Time spent away from my family. They knew Cathy needed me more. What a great family I have. 
I would cook her meals, take care of her house, and take care of my own family too. She has no family here, so I was it.
She needed time away. So she went to New York for a few weeks, so I stayed at her house, taking care of her dogs. I did this more than once.
Anytime she needed me day or night I was there, only at her invitation.
We became so close people thought we were sisters. She told me more than once, how special I was to her, that she never had a friend like me.
Slowly she started dating again, and getting on her feet. Then one day it happened. No phone calls, no text. Hmmmm, I thought she is having a bad day, so I left her alone…then the days turned to weeks. I call her leave messages, I text her she ignores me. Now she has a new Best friend, wants nothing to do with me. This new best friend was always talking badly behind her back too….Huh?? What gives?
I have seen her a few times in the last 3 months, and she just gives me a weak hug, and see you, and that’s that.
My God, I feel like a part of my life was ripped away. I loved that woman, more than any other friend in my life. My Boys & my husband just think she is psycho. I feel used, and very heartbroken.
I think of her daily, can’t help it. My husband doesn’t get it, he has never had a really close friend like that.
Thank you so much for listening to me rambling, but my heart is broken ,and I am worn from taking care of her. It was probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done for a friend.


Krissy

What a horrible way for a friend to treat you when you did so much for her! WOW! I'm just speechless! I would like to give you some advice, but I just don't know what to say! You were there for her when she needed you, and now she is all but ignoring you! You have so much compassion and empathy for her, and she just leaves you behind in the dust!

Does she perhaps have other mental issues that you don't know about? Or is she just maybe a person that likes attention, and when she feels like her story starts to get less intriguing, she goes onto another person, so she can start the cycle again?!

I feel so bad for you that you have put in all of this time with her, and now she barely acknowledges you. That's just unthinkable to me! :(

Thank you Starbuck. Those are my feelings too, that is why I'm heartbroken. Advice?? I'm all ears, that is why I came here. I'm really confused what I di wrong, and she has totally broken off contact, so there is no closure for me.

Was she starting to act odd before this? Were you maybe around too much and she felt crowded? I'm kind of at a loss as to the reasons she had for just dumping you.

I can think of one situation I had. It was likely very different to yours though. I had a friend. I absolutely knew she meant well, and was there a lot when I was going through a really rough time. But after awhile, she started to get very overbearing. She would show up unannounced, she would often even bring an overnight bag with her, and then wouldn't leave for days! She started acting like my mother, and she would go as far as rearranging my furniture, and going through private things of mine. I finally had to cut all ties with her, because she was now expecting an awful lot from me.

Now, I'm sure your relationship with her probably didn't go this far, but is it possible that she felt you were around a little TOO much?

Just a thought, because I'm grasping at straws to figure out why she would react like this.

I was only around her, because she kept calling me over. Some nights aftertalking real late, I would tell her I was going home. Then she would want me to saty with her when she fell asleep. Then I quietly left. Then she was upset at me, why I snuck out on her. Why didn'i stay, she asked me. I told her I didn't want to bother her. She said, I will tell you if you bother me.

Because I didn't want to smother her, or wear out my welcome, I always let her moods dictate, whether she wanted company or not. Her moods were so up & down because of her loss, which is understandable.
It was always her asking me if I wanted to go to dinner with her, go shopping, or just come over and watch movies. I didn't want to bother her at all, because of her loss.

Her boyfriend, that REALLY liked me, asked her . " What happened to Krissy? how come she doesn't come around anymore?

" Oh, we just aren't friends anymore", and left it at that.

In my heart I feel she just used me, until she found her emotional strength... then she walked away.

So I just don't know. And all the people that know her & I, don't understand either. So I'm dumbfounded, hurt, angry.. a bunch of emotions... she had a best friend she dumped before me, somaybe there is a pattern here. She told me the previous friend wasn't there for her when her husband died. That wasn't true, her friend was... so I wish I could get over this
, someday I will... but I gave so much of my time, and emotions





Thank You, Krissy

It does sound like a pattern to me. I understand her emotions being all over the place with her husband dying, and all she probably had to deal with, but she sure sounds like she's a very selfish person also.

She should be overly grateful to you, but instead she's treating you very badly! You had your own family, and just from what you written so far, it doesn't seem like she cared that you had a life outside of her needs!

Maybe you could send her a hand written letter letting her know how hurt you are by her actions, and ask her why she has pushed you away as a friend! Or maybe you could also pull her boyfriend aside, and see if he knows where the problem started! I'm just curious? How long ago did she lose her husband?

She really does sound like an attention seeker, and that everything needs to revolve around her. It's sad that her husband died, but it sounds to me as if she likely had these problems before.

I know it would probably hurt you an awful lot! You put a lot of time and feelings into this, and she doesn't sound like she appreciates it at all. That really sucks! Some people just don't recognise a good friend when they have one. That's sad!

Also, I don't blame you for feeling used. I would too! She took advantage of your kindness and generosity, and then left you hanging without even giving you a simple thank you for all that you've done.

I know it hurts, and it's really hard to understand, but you are probably better off without someone like that around you. It's got me shaking my head, and I don't even know you or this girl. It sounds to me like she was milking her problems for all they were worth, and then when she was done, she didn't give a second thought to all that you did for her. That's crazy! I would be very upset about this too! I'm actually upset for you!

I need to get myself to bed, seeing as it's 4:30am here! Hopefully someone else will be around to give a different perspective on this soon! I wish I could've helped you out more! :)

You are truly a great human being, and don't let the actions of an ungrateful ex friend, change you.

Be comforted by the fact that you did they right thing, and beyond, by this wretched excuse for a person, and what goes around comes back around.

She will learn the hard way about what good people are about.

I think the world needs more people like you Krissy! I tend to go out of my way for my friends, and I know the hurt when the generosity is not reciprocated. At least I can take solace in knowing that I helped make a difference in somebody's life.

It totally doesn't excuse your friend's behavior, but know that you did the right thing.. I respect that! Don't let her shoddy behavior diminish the value of what you did for her. Maybe she'll come to her senses one day.. good friends are hard to come by.

I agree that you're probably better off just forgetting about her as a friend, though that can be hard. If it helps though, maybe the reason she's distanced herself from you is that she's embarrassed about being needy before. She was suicidal and hurt and you helped her with all that, but now that she's trying to get her life back together, you're unfortunately a reminder of what she's trying to forget--that hard time in her life. It doesn't mean that she doesn't appreciate what you did or love you. But she may not feel capable of going on with ties to a past that she's not comfortable remembering.

Egg that b*tches house. Make sure to get her car good.

It was actually a joke. I went through a very similar situation as she did and when people told me things like that it helped lighten the situation a bit, which I found was very necessary with dealing with the betrayal. When you give so much of your time and heart and they hardly acknowledge it at all, it's very painful. And it makes it even more painful when you still feel for the person and their situation.

So Krissy if I offended you I apologise... but I still think she deserves to get her house egged.

Looking back at things, it appears she was like an emotional Vampire, and maybe I was too blind to see it. I will give you an example;
This new boyfriend Bill, after a few dates with Cathy took me aside, and said I wish I had a friend like you Krissy, I don’t think she appreciates you, I think she is using you, BIG TIME!!
I was shocked, and asked him why he would say that.
“ Well Krissy, one night I asked her to meet me at the casino, and you drove her to meet me, then you hung out with us, then later drove us home to my place to hang out.”
Gee, Bill, she had too much to drink, so I drove. Friends do that for each other.”
“Krissy, you don’t even Drink or Gamble, you hung out there for 2 hours, plus you were her Taxi, driving her here & there. She is using you.
Well my side of it is like this. Yeah she had too much to drink, and she wanted to see this guy again ( he was real cute BTW) She didn’t want to alone with him…she was nervous. So again I hung out & did the right thing. I said hey Cathy, I will leave you two alone, I’m the odd one out here…… No please Krissy stay.
Then when we went to his place, I knew he wanted to be alone, so did she, so I thought. Very discreetly I whispered, I’m going home.
No, No, No…I’m not ready for this take me home!!
So I did, and we talked about him all the way home. She was very upset, she kept thinking about her deceased husband, and how guilty she felt. Typical stuff.
So I stayed the night….but to get to the point of this essay.lol He said you do too much for, and she doesn’t appreciate you. He even told her, I think you are using her.
She immediately changed the subject.
I guess as long as it was all about her, and her needs, but it still breaks my heart how she could just walk away like this with no remorse.
She doesn’t talk badly about me to others, she just says “ Oh we aren’t friends anymore.
I think the hardest part of this, it wore me out emotionally holding her up all this time, the more she needed, the more In gave….yeah The Vampire Chronicles.

Thanks again for listening

Scrambled Eggs or Poached... probably poached more sticky. Do you have any DINOSAUR EGGS.

Don't worry Ingrid, you didn't offend. Egging her is a KIND thing.


Krissy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ingrid119

It was actually a joke. I went through a very similar situation as she did and when people told me things like that it helped lighten the situation a bit, which I found was very neccessary with dealing with the betrayal. When you give so much of your time and heart and they hardly acknowledge it at all, it's very painful. And it makes it even more painful when you still feel for the person and their situation.

So Krissy if I offended you I apologise... but I still think she deserves to get her house egged.

---

I didn't realise it was something to get her to laugh. So often we get kids or trolls on the site that just want to say things to try and cause trouble. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. So if this is the case, Krissy... sneak into her house, and release a thousand red ants into her underwear drawer, set off a stink bomb, and superglue her doors shut! ;)

Krissy, actually you sound a little like me actually. You are a caregiver! You give and give and give, even when you get nothing in return. People pick up on that quality, and if you are helping someone who's intentions weren't well meaning from the start, they will take and take and take! Then when you are no longer needed, you are thrown out with the trash!

You are not 100% innocent in this either though. Although your intentions were well meaning, you were enabling her. You got a payoff for doing what you did for her. It made you feel really good didn't it. I had to learn this myself. I realised that although there is NOTHING wrong with trying to be a loving friend, I was doing a lot of it for my own selfish needs. I needed other people to validate my worth as a friend. I would drop what I was doing if a friend needed a ride, a favour, or a shoulder. I would run to their side even if it meant that I had to stay up with them all night long, and go to work with no sleep, when they would actually get to spend the whole day in bed. Or, I would subconsciously ignore my family, or other comittements, to run to their side. There is nothing wrong with that... to an extent. It's when it starts to interfere in your daily life, that it gets to be a problem, especially when your friend ends up to be a taker. Then you end up getting really hurt and offended, because you've invested so much time in that person, only to find out that your frienship was one sided.

I had something like this happen to me last spring. I had someone I felt was my best friend in the world. We didn't go a day without either seeing each other, or talking on the phone. I thought there was nothing that could break up our friendship, because we were so close and shared everything with each other. I would drop anything in a split second to be there for her. The friendship ended in a matter of mere minutes, when her boyfriends dog attacked mine. She cut off all contact, and refused to even talk to me to try and make a deal to pay for the VERY expensive vet bills. BTW, my dog got attacked because I was running to try and save HER dog from getting hit by a car, and I had left my dog alone for a few seconds, only to be attacked by the bf's dog. I was very angry and bitter, since I had done so much for her in the past, and she threw our "so-called" friendship away to defend her boyfriend. They are no longer together, and she has recently tried to contact me again. NO WAY!

So all I can say is, don't stop being such a good and caring friend, but know when to draw the line. Some people WILL take advantage of your kindness if given the chance.

Yes your right, I probably did enable her. As far as feeling good about what I did, actually I was getting worn down in so many ways, I was hoping she would seek professional help, but she won't.

I was very blindsided by this. It has made me VERY wary, of helping anyone. I know that sounds messed up, but this woman has thrown me for a loop. I haven't eaten, or slept well for months, that I've considered going for professional help myself, but feel too embarrassed for someone to tell me I was Stupid, for getiing myself so involved.

The wildest thing to me... Never in my life have I been this close to another woman, yeah I've had close GF's... but this was so different. Probably why it hurts so much.

I just need closure, of some sort. So until then I guess I'm lost.


Thank you for taking the time to respond.
Krissy

I do understand about feeling wary of trusting and helping people. That's comes part and parcel really. I totally understand. It's hard not to get jaded or cynical.

Don't be embarrassed Krissy! I'm sure no one would judge you if you went to get help. Anyone that would, needs not to let the door hit them in the A$$ on the way out. You were a caring friend that gave all you had, and you got screwed! It's just too bad that there are not more people like you, and less like her!

Don't let her have that power over you. She wore you out when you were trying to help her, and even though she's not around, she's wearing you out NOW! Don't let her win this! You are letting her affect your health for God sakes, and she could care less. Don't give her that control over your life! She isn't worth the air you breathe!

Put your energy into something else that will make you feel like you are helping out. Something that will be truly appreciated. It will make you feel better. With me, I like donating my time to things that have to do with dogs. I met a lot of friends with doing that, and now we all help each other out with things. It's pretty cool actually, and a dog will not dump you because she's found a new friend! ;)

So instead of dwelling on this sorry excuse for a "friend," chalk it up to experience, and know that Karma will be knocking at her door, when she is feeling down and no one is willing to help her!

Stick around the site and get to know people here too! I have met some of my best friends that I wouldn't give up for the world on AMHD. Many of us talk daily on the phone. We know their kids, husbands and wives, and have been invited to their homes for C'mas and other occasions. So hang around, you might be surprised! :)

Thank you, you are too Kind :)


Krissy

Well StarBuck, spoke with Cathy this morning. Very Interesting conversation.

She told me very matter of factly, she doesn't want to be close to anyone, that before she met me, she didn't have any friends, it was just her husband in her life, she didn't need friends.

Wow you could have fooled me, because she turned to me for everything.

"So Cathy after everything we've bben through together, we're no longer friends?"

" No, I have a man in my life now< i dont want or need friends."

Whoa Batwoman!! Very plain to see, she used me! I really thought I was her best friend. Turns out I filled in the spot between men!!

Did I do anything wrong? No, I was just a good friend, that's all I kmow... obviously ahe had other intents.

I felt good after talking to her. I was looking for closure! I think I found it.

I actually feel bad for her. I have been with my Husband for 36 years, and I still have friends. My Husband is my life of course, but a life without friends... never wanting them or needing them, is something I will never understand.

Happy New Year! I need a chocolate Margarita. :) :) :)

Hey... I'll join you in that margarita! Cheers!

Was this woman raised by a pack of wolves? Geeezzz! She really goes for the jugular doesn't she? I'm so glad she showed her true colors. You could have wasted more time with the blood sucking vampiress! Without even knowing her, I would lay bets that whoever this boyfriend is, he will be gone very shortly if he has even one brain cell.

People who treat other people the way she does, will not have any successful or meaningful relationships... friendships or otherwise. Soon she will be sitting alone, holding her own pity party! ;)