Ask Me Help Desk - This REALLY upsets me

This REALLY upsets me

So, my boyfriend and I have a mutual friend, my boyfriend tried to explain to me that his drinking is OK because he's always with this mutual friend when he does it. I've known this mutual friend to have extreme drinking problems in the past, and again recently he expressed to me that he knows he drinks too much but he can't convince himself to stop. The mutual friends grandmother died and the funeral was today so my boyfriend went to the funeral and has been with him all day. My boyfriend has been reassuring me all week that he wouldn't let the friend drink especially at this hard time since he expressed having a problem. Earlier today my boyfriend said they were having one beer with the friends dad and I let it slide, but now he just texted me and said they're going out to the bar.

Also, my boyfriend drives EVERY TIME he drinks, he promised me he'd only drive when he'd had one beer since we've been back together and this really pisses me off for that reason too.

I'm seriously ridiculously angry right now, please tell me what to do in this situation.

Well you are not dating the friend, so you should care about others, but they have to want to stop.

If your boyfriend has a drinking and driving problem, don't ride with him ever if he is driving after drinking.
Be clear you don't accept this type of behavior

Are you stressed that he is out for beers? Or that he might drink and drive? If it's the drinking and driving... then I would make him promise you he won't drive, tell him to take a cab or you pick him up. I wouldn't be too upset that he is out for beers with his friend though. His friend needs him right now.

He drives drunk? Call the cops... he needs to learn his lesson.

I'm upset that he's been telling me for a week and a half that because the friend expressed that he had a drinking problem that he wouldn't let him drink in this tough time and then because it's more fun to go to the bar he changes his mind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

well you are not dating the friend, so you should care about others, but they have to want to stop.

I'm concerned about my boyfriend's effect on this friend's behavior. Every time they hang out they drink and my when I told my boyfriend what the friend had said to me he said he was shocked and was going to talk to him about it, I asked him not to since the friend has expressed it to me in confidence, but I do think that if my boyfriend wants to be a good friend it would me not drinking with the friend because drinking with him his encouraging/enabling the behavior

Drinking and driving is really stupid. And it seems it's always someone innocent that gets hurt. I agree with other posters that you should make it clear you're not going to tolerat that. Going out and drinking is fine within reason especially because his friend needs him right now

Your boyfriend seems to love alcohol, while his friend seems to be an alcoholic, which makes your boyfriend an enabler. Time for him to grow up. How old is he, if you don't mind me asking... Do they ever hang out and not drink?

I am all for going out and having a good time, but drinking and driving is absolutely the stupidest thing you can do. If you want to put your life in jepordy, then be my guest, but don't put other people's lives on the line because of your stupidity.

They need to quit hanging out. Alcohol can be a slippery slope into much more dangerous activity, and it can get out of hand quicker than you realize. There is a HUGE difference between being there for a friend, and constantly getting drunk when the friends are together. I know he needs to be there for his friend... but at what cost?

You may be upset at their behavior, but good luck trying to tell a couple of drunks what to do.

Either remove yourself from the situation, or be upset until your tired of it.

Sorry, but look out for yourself, because until THEY want to change their behavior, they won't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

Your boyfriend seems to love alcohol, while his friend seems to be an alcoholic, which makes your bf an enabler. Time for him to grow up. How old is he, if you don't mind me asking... Do they ever hang out and not drink?

They're both newly 21, my boyfriend since September and the friend since early November, but they obviously drank before that too.

I asked my boyfriend last night if they ever hang out and don't drink, because every time they are together they either go out to the bar, or are at the friend's place having beers. My boyfriend told me they could, but when I mentioned that in the last two monthes every time they've hung out they've been drinking he just fell silent and asked if we could talk about it tomorrow (we were on the phone and the today he's coming over) because he didn't want to talk about it at the time.

My boyfriend and promised me that if he is going to drive he will stick to just one beer, but it really scares me and worries me, I asked him if he could invite me to the friends house when they were having beers or if he would drink around me so I can see what he's like, because the only things I've ever seen of him drinking, were disgusting pictures from his 21st where he was throwing up before he left the bar, and once when he got drunk when we were in london, I've never seen him drink responsibly. He's drank around me once, and in the time he finished two beers in less than an hour, which based on his build, weight, etc. would put him over the legal limit.