Ask Me Help Desk - I crushed into my manager.what should I do!

Hi everyone,
I've been working at my current job for 10 months now.Since I started there, I've been feeling this weird thing towards my boss.He's 42...But he doesn't look that old!When I fist time saw him, I thought he was like 25-27.He's single, never been married and never had kids (but always wanted to, he said he didn't find the right girl yet), very handsome, smart, carrying, and funny.I'm only 19.
So yeah, we always talk about many different things, looks like he knows everything!...He give me a rides home sometimes.We went to the moves several times, last time he invited me to the movies was Christmas, the day before yesterday.We watched 2 movies at one night.He always being gentleman to me.Whenever we all alone, he sometimes ask me about if I date anyone and what Im looking for in a guy and if am I liking anyone right now and all such questions.I never told him I liked him, coz I just don't know how!Somewhere deep inside something tells me that he likes me too, coz sometimes he might just stop doing something and just stare at me, right into my eyes.He always teasing me and flirting with me.We're both very open minded to each other.
Lol..One day one customer said - "You guys look like a husband and a wife!"...
Im so confused!...I've been trying to forget him, but I can't, I just can't get him off my mind!!...What should I do!!??:(

He is your boss. He has no business dating you.

Twenty years is a huge age difference. You are just starting and he is ready for a mid-life crisis. You are in two different generations.

You're 19; he's 42. He was 23, older than you now, when you were born. When you're 42 and still wanting to have fun, he will be 65, getting a monthly SS check, and wanting to stay home to doze in his recliner with the TV remote in one hand.

I am more concerned over him being your boss, I am sure if HIS boss knew about it, he would no longer be working there.

This is very unprofessional on his part.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KittyLuvK

I crushed into my manager

The more I think about it, the more this sounds like a terrible accident. Poor manager! She crushed him!

"I crushed into my manager"?? Since when did the noun "crush" turn into a verb? Is it too much to type, "I have a crush on my manager"?

I disagree with Chuck. I feel a lot of relationships form at work places for good reason. We see those people everyday. Now, given, we don't always treat our co-workers the best, the ones we do treat as equals we can come to get to know very quickly.

However, the age gap is a big problem. I'm not saying you shouldn't try, but keep in mind even 10 years is a big space, not to mention 23.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_Nannen

I disagree with Chuck. I feel a lot of relationships form at work places for good reason. We see those people everyday. Now, given, we don't always treat our co-workers the best, the ones we do treat as equals we can come to get to know very quickly.

However, the age gap is a big problem. I'm not saying you shouldn't try, but keep in mind even 10 years is a big space, not to mention 23.

If he were a coworker, maybe. But he's her BOSS! That's unethical, and, like Chuck said, the guy could get into big trouble and be fired. The same is true for teacher and student--unethical!

Now, if either of them quit this job and got another, so then they worked for two different unconnected businesses, that would be okay if they wanted to pursue a relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If he were a coworker, maybe. But he's her BOSS! That's unethical, and, like Chuck said, the guy could get into big trouble and be fired. The same is true for teacher and student--unethical!

Now, if either of them quit this job and got another, so then they worked for two different unconnected businesses, that would be okay if they wanted to pursue a relationship.

I see your point. However, comparing student/teacher to boss/employee doesn't sit well with me for a couple reasons.

Students are not by any means employed by teachers. Students don't have to do anything a teacher says. An employee must, if they want to keep their job of course. If a student doesn't, they might be sent to the principals office.

As for romance in the work place, normally I would agree it's bad. I've known some terrible, terrible workplace romances. Normally the kind where the people who work together can't stay away from each other at work. It's very annoying. I am dating a co-worker, though I hardly see her at work. The reason it works is because I go about my business at my job and leave. It's work, who wants to be there longer?

So I do believe worker/boss can work, so long as it's allowed within company policy and the people keep it AWAY from work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_Nannen

However, comparing student/teacher to boss/employee doesn't sit well with me

I'm sorry it doesn't sit well with you, but it is true. It has nothing to do with the economy and everything to do with hierarchy of power.

Boss - employee
Teacher - student
Minister/priest - parishioner
Counselor/therapist - client
Librarian - patron
President of the US - intern
Probation officer - offender
Warden - prisoner

All of the first mentioned in the list above are in a situation of power over the second ones mentioned. A boss controls raises, reprimands, parking spots, desk size and location for his employees. If he's having an affair with one of the secretaries, she will probably get special treatment over other secretaries and employees because of their relationship. A teacher controls grades, comments on term papers, makeup requirements, special seating, etc. A counselor and a priest both have and control private information about the people they serve. And so on.

History and the newspapers are full of stories about what happens when that situation of power is misused and discovered. The story about the teacher, Mary Kay Latourneau, having an affair with a 13 y/o student and becoming pregnant by him is a classic. She lost her teaching job, served time in jail, was divorced by her husband, lost her children from that marriage, and is considered a sex offender.

Misuse of power (unethical behavior) has happened at one of my own workplaces. The library director hired "Susan" (not her real name) to work in public service at the Circulation Desk. Her main job was to greet patrons, check in returned materials and check out materials chosen by the patrons, answer phones, be upbeat and cheerful, handle complaints to the satisfaction of not only the patron but also the library, and maintain a pleasant atmosphere. Well, Susan was a young, single woman who, we found out later, desperately wanted a boyfriend. Whenever she checked out books to what she considered a nice-looking man, she would secretly write down his phone number which had popped up on the computer screen along with his library number. Later at home, she would call that patron under some pretext, get him into a conversation, and propose getting together or begin building a relationship, if she could. Of course, complaints by several men hit the director's office, Susan eventually was fired, and library policies were made more detailed regarding patron confidentiality and staff behavior.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_Nannen

So I do believe worker/boss can work, so long as it's allowed within company policy and the people keep it AWAY from work.

I have never worked in a place that condones boss-employee romantic relationships. In fact, most companies have a written policy against such a thing. If nothing else, it would be grossly unfair to the rest of the employees, since that boss will inevitably favor that employee over the others somehow.

There is no way to keep a romantic relationship "away from work." The other employees are not idiots. They will see through such a thing very quickly. Gossip will be rife, and the information is certain to work its way up to the boss's superior.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I have never worked in a place that condones boss-employee romantic relationships. In fact, most companies have a written policy against such a thing. If nothing else, it would be grossly unfair to the rest of the employees, since that boss will inevitably favor that employee over the others somehow.

There is no way to keep a romantic relationship "away from work." The other employees are not idiots. They will see through such a thing very quickly. Gossip will be rife, and the information is certain to work its way up to the boss's superior.

Inevitably? I can't say I agree with that. It may take two certain kinds of people to pull it off, but it is possible.

I never once said they would be idiots. I'm sure people would catch on. This is why the favoritism, would have to be kept away from work, and certainly could be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_Nannen

Inevitably? I can't say I agree with that. It may take two certain kinds of people to pull it off, but it is possible.

I never once said they would be idiots. I'm sure people would catch on. This is why the favoritism, would have to be kept away from work, and certainly could be.

I just can't agree with you. Those "two certain kinds of people" will never find each other. One might be that kind, but the other will not be. Unfortunately, it's usually the female who can't keep it to herself, will brag to a coworker about a gift or a meeting she had with him or a new work privilege she has. I have never seen it "pulled off." Hormones (hers or his or both) won't let that happen. Privilege won't let that happen. And the other employess pick up on this kind of thing very quickly. Trust me. "Love" (i.e. in this case, office romance) is not rational and doesn't act in a rational way.

Gosh,
Wonder Girl, suggestion, u should be easy to other ppl, u know..The best way to get along with other ppl is to let them go their own way.
I don't see anything bad about Boss/Employee relationship...Ppl see each other at work EVERY day, they spend time together more then with anyone else, they get to know each other more then anyone else.
I know there is a big gap in age...But, age is nothing but a number.If two finding themselves interesting about each other, if they enjoy spending time together, if they always have something to talk about.
Yes, I did mistake in there, and it wasn't necessary to write a paragraph about hat =/

While boss/employee relationships are not good a great relationship is hard to find. Personally I think I would back off a bit and not let him know you are really into him. If he actually wants a relationship with you then maybe it is time to find another job so the relationship isn't interfering with work ethics.