When my fiance' passed away July 27, 2005. I quit being a nurse. He died of Hepatitis C--it was a long drawn out death, very painful, and taxing. He was a strong man when we first got together and when he died he was emaciated and weak.

When I was a nurse I could handle anything, but since seeing him die in that hospital bed in so much pain, spitting up blood, gasping for his breath, and hearing him drown in his own fluid in his chest. I haven't been able to do it, anymore.

I have let me nursing license lapse--I had to attentions on going back. I don't know how to go back even if I wanted to. Do I have to start all over again.

How will I deal with death and dying again, no matter which type of nursing you are in--you are going to see it. I can't hide forever, and I was a damn good nurse. What should I do.
:(:confused:

You can't deny the fact, so just face it.
There are 4 things that all of us has to face in life..
Birth, Aging, Illness, and Death..

Time to move on...

A number of years ago for a writing class I did a paper entitled "The Happy Funeral". Initially it doesn't make a lot of sense. In general funerals are not happy, but this one really was.

A neighbor was placed in a nursing home with Parkinson's disease. Se withered away in 18 years in the nursing home. At the funeral, no one was crying.

We put animals to sleep when they are in pain and are at the end stage of life, but we don't do it to human kind. The closest in most states in the US is the living will which basically states no heroic measures and you desire not to be put on life support. If your state allows, assisted suicide may be possible. It is a drain on the families and increases the cost of healthcare. The doctors make money if a person dies or lives and taking care of a dying person when there is no hope for survival is probably easier. The lawyers make their money with the life support lawsuits. Your "faith/religion" pretty much determines what's acceptable.
The politicians want to continue to become elected and therefore won't change the law.

The people in power have greed and want money.

Yes, you had to suffer. Yes he had to suffer. Society dictates that.

They tell you that the grieving process will fix it. If it does not seek psychological counseling.

As part of the greiving process when my father passed away, my mom and I had to meet with the administrators of the hospitals involved before the heavy burden was lifted. We learned that a hospital is not a safe place to be in and the family must be aware and question what is going on and why. We made a mistake by not having an autopsy. We will learn from our mistakes.

From our meeting, our concerns got addressed and we could see positive changes in the hospital system.

Make something positive out of the experience. Fix something that went wrong. Let go of the past. Grieve. If it takes too long see a psychologist. Find that something that won't let you let go.

Let go. Breathe. Enjoy life. Make a difference. Be an exceptional nurse, not just a good one.