Ask Me Help Desk - Guys think I'm pretty and charming,but they don't know I'm a virgin. (PSYCH TRAUMA?)

Here I go...

I just turned 23 years in October and I'm still a virgin. I'm afraid of intimacy and I hate it because it has kept me from being with men and I'm not just talking about sex. I've had plenty of opportunities to lose my virginity with various guys I Really liked,-but I could never tell them the truth! -Yes,I have tried this before,-i'll let guys know that I'm a virgin and I won't ever hear from them again or they will laugh and won't believe it.
So I would just shut my mouth to see where it takes me ,but it won't take me anywhere :confused:

In guy's eyes, I'm beautiful, charming and smart. I hear it all the time I don't care about it anymore. Not too brag about my appearance -because my looks are the least important things in my mind (although I do present myself well,looks are highly important to me). But yes, I get it all the time. I get asked out a lot, and every time I go out to parties,bars,clubs.. -guys always talk to me and find me very intriguing.

I'm a writer and I work for a local rock magazine in my new hometown and I write other work on the side and so makeup-I love music and guys love that about me because I can carry a good conversation about music and other things. I've even had strangers come up to me because a guy friend told them about me,-and that I'm a cool chick. Blah blah.. you get where I'm going , right?

So it seems like I can have it all. And my female friends tell me I have the looks,personality,body,soul and brains.. but they have no idea why I'm still a virgin! They say any guy will be lucky just to be with me.
I'm in NO WAY a tease or act like it. But somehow guys are thinking that I am because I appear to be this very outgoing,charming girl... - But doesn't go forward...

There was this guy that I really liked and I knew he liked me too for about a year but we never really talked much because he was seeing someone at that time. He was a musician,talented, smart and very attractive. I really thought he was going to be more than just friends. One night he calls to hang out, have some drinks and talk and listen to his recordings for my opinion... which was cool because we've done it before. That night ended up being the first time I gave oral sex he didn't know and still doesn't know). He seemed to really enjoy it so he wanted to return the favor and be more intimate with me. All of a sudden I felt so awkward and I couldn't tell him that I was a virgin because I felt ashamed and stupid for what I had just done.- so I just told him I was too tired and I just wanted to sleep. The next morning was so strange,-I knew he felt weird too. Us sort of vanished quickly...

Since then I wanted to stop meeting guys and become a nun! But I'm too bad to be one anyway... There has been 1 other guy that I gave oral sex to since the first just recently (no I don't have feelings for him)-- and now, I feel dirty and I feel like I should have NEVER done this,EVER. I regret it, it was not worth it.-but what a hell of an experience that was.

Everything in my life seems pretty normal besides the fact that I've developed severe anxiety and depression because of this. Sometimes I think its because of some psychological trauma when I was a little girl. When I was growing up my mother was extremely cautious and she would always tell me not to trust men,even my relatives,grandfather,uncles, causins... I was a paranoid child and suffered from anxiety when we would have family gatherings because there was many men! I even started drinking when I was 11 years old one holiday party because I had bad depression and anxiety and I snuck alcohol in my room and drink it with my soda in the closet. Its been like that since.

The difference now is that I like men and find them very interesting and beautiful. I just cannot get intimate with them.

Since my last two "sexual encounters", I've been more afraid to tell guys that I'm still a virgin because they both ended onviously not good. Sometimes I don't even want to do it anymore and be a virgin forever... how sad. Yes, this sucks very much because I've met many different beautiful men that I would love to get closer too,but I just can't. The minute I do,its all over.

Xoxo
Anna Lou

Yikes! I didn't realize I typed this much! SORRY!

I also wrote this is another topic because I was unsure where it would be more appropriate to post it on.

Here I go...

I just turned 23 years in October and I'm still a virgin. I'm afraid of intimacy and I hate it because it has kept me from being with men and I'm not just talking about sex. I've had plenty of opportunities to lose my virginity with various guys I Really liked,-but I could never tell them the truth! -Yes,I have tried this before,-i'll let guys know that I'm a virgin and I won't ever hear from them again or they will laugh and won't believe it.
So I would just shut my mouth to see where it takes me ,but it won't take me anywhere :confused:

In guy's eyes, I'm beautiful, charming and smart. I hear it all the time I don't care about it anymore. Not too brag about my appearance -because my looks are the least important things in my mind (although I do present myself well,looks are highly important to me). But yes, I get it all the time. I get asked out a lot, and every time I go out to parties,bars,clubs.. -guys always talk to me and find me very intriguing.

I'm a writer and I work for a local rock magazine in my new hometown and I write other work on the side and do makeup-I love music and guys love that about me because I can carry a good conversation about music and other things. I've even had strangers come up to me because a guy friend told them about me,-and that I'm a cool chick. Blah blah.. you get where I'm going , right?

So it seems like I can have it all. And my female friends tell me I have the looks,personality,body,soul and brains.. but they have no idea why I'm still a virgin! They say any guy will be lucky just to be with me.
I'm in NO WAY a tease or act like it. But somehow guys are thinking that I am because I appear to be this very outgoing,charming girl... - But doesn't go forward...

There was this guy that I really liked and I knew he liked me too for about a year but we never really talked much because he was seeing someone at that time. He was a musician,talented, smart and very attractive. I really thought he was going to be more than just friends. One night he calls to hang out, have some drinks and talk and listen to his recordings for my opinion... which was cool because we've done it before. That night ended up being the first time I gave oral sex he didn't know and still doesn't know). He seemed to really enjoy it so he wanted to return the favor and be more intimate with me. All of a sudden I felt so awkward and I couldn't tell him that I was a virgin because I felt ashamed and stupid for what I had just done.- so I just told him I was too tired and I just wanted to sleep. The next morning was so strange,-I knew he felt weird too. Us sort of vanished quickly...

Since then I wanted to stop meeting guys and become a nun! But I'm too bad to be one anyway... There has been 1 other guy that I gave oral sex to since the first just recently (no I don't have feelings for him)-- and now, I feel dirty and I feel like I should have NEVER done this,EVER. I regret it, it was not worth it.-but what a hell of an experience that was.

Everything in my life seems pretty normal besides the fact that I've developed severe anxiety and depression because of this. Sometimes I think its because of some psychological trauma when I was a little girl. When I was growing up my mother was extremely cautious and she would always tell me not to trust men,even my relatives,grandfather,uncles, causins... I was a paranoid child and suffered from anxiety when we would have family gatherings because there was many men! I even started drinking when I was 11 years old one holiday party because I had bad depression and anxiety and I snuck alcohol in my room and drink it with my soda in the closet. Its been like that since.

The difference now is that I like men and find them very interesting and beautiful. I just cannot get intimate with them.

Since my last two "sexual encounters", I've been more afraid to tell guys that I'm still a virgin because they both ended obviously not good. Sometimes I don't even want to do it anymore and be a virgin forever... how sad. Yes, this sucks very much because I've met many different beautiful men that I would love to get closer too,but I just can't. The minute I do,its all over.

Xoxo
Anna Lou

Never do anything that you don't want to do. If a guy can accept that you'r a virgin and respect for it, then that guy isn't for you and it shows where their head it at.

Your meet someone oneday that will cherish you and accept the fact that you're a virgin but sometimes you've to go through a few jerks to met your prince. Then your see the wait was worth it.

Please do not post multiple times. Posts have been merged

You just haven't met that serious minded guy who wants to know you for you. Have heart and don't change for someone so shallow that the physical is more important than the mental.

Just enjoy who you are, and love yourself, and there will be a guy who makes love to your mind, before he lusts for your body.

Just read some of the posts on this forum, and most of the break ups are about hook ups, that people try to make a relationship from, and it seldom works. When the sex is gone so are they, and they wonder what happened.

Love yourself for being cautious, and careful.

Well, I'm a 22 year old guy, and believe it or not, I have plenty of friends who are actually virgins. My ex told me on our first date that she was a virgin. I'm not sure about other guys, but it really doesn't phase me too much.

Like tal said, it's not you. It's the guy.

From your post, you come across as a woman who is into superficial qualities, being perfect... and that is the way your relate to men(and women?). OF course, you can't live up to this image you have created of yourself, you know your relationships will fail.

I think you have to take steps to get in touch with your authentic self probably with professional help. Then, you will be able to recognize men who would be good matches for you emotionally, and you will be able to explore real relating.

You can do it. :)

Very best wishes to you,

I praise you for being a virgin. It's easy to give into the temptation of sex. Trust me, sex is really no good until you're with someone you consider a serious possible life-partner. So many of my friends have slept with girls whom they've had no intention of spending their life with. One has a kid, others are so screwed up they drink to forget, others just continue to find other women to sleep with. It's not a good lifestyle.

My girlfriend is waiting till marriage. I don't know if I'm the one for her, time will tell. However, I told her I respect her decision. I'm not technically a virgin myself (Long story), but I wish I would've stayed a virgin. It means something, trust me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Choux

From your post, you come across as a woman who is into superficial qualities, being perfect.....and that is the way your relate to men(and women?). OF course, you can't live up to this image you have created of yourself, you know your relationships will fail.

I think you have to take steps to get in touch with your authentic self probably with professional help. Then, you will be able to recognize men who would be good matches for you emotionally, and you will be able to explore real relating.

You can do it. :)

Very best wishes to you,

And that is what I'm afraid of. Being superficial.

I oppose to the being perfect part. I am not perfect, I even hate that word. Why do you think I'm seeking advice? I don't even look perfect either.

But,I came here to hear people's thoughts about my issue ,-and I do appreciate your reply. But if you really knew me, you would get a sense of who I am,-not completely,of course. :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_Nannen

I praise you for being a virgin. It's easy to give into the temptation of sex. Trust me, sex is really no good until you're with someone you consider a serious possible life-partner. So many of my friends have slept with girls whom they've had no intention of spending their life with. One has a kid, others are so screwed up they drink to forget, others just continue to find other women to sleep with. It's not a good lifestyle.

My girlfriend is waiting till marriage. I don't know if I'm the one for her, time will tell. However, I told her I respect her decision. I'm not technically a virgin myself (Long story), but I wish I would've stayed a virgin. It means something, trust me.

Thank you.

Reading this and the other replies have put a bit of sense into me and I am taking your advice from your experiences to heart.

Wait for the right guy it will be worth it.
As far as being superficial the majority of girls that are superficial do not worry or even think about it so I am sure you most probably are not superficial. You have values, superficial people have little to no values.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Wait for the right guy it will be worth it.
As far as being superficial the majority of girls that are superficial do not worry or even think about it so I am sure you most probably are not superficial. You have values, superficial people have little to no values.

GRACIAS!! :p