Hey,

Im 20 going through a tough time believing that women do like sex, foreplay, etc. I feel like Im a pervert if I put my hands on a girl. What do I do? Im not in a relationship yet. But I don't want to not give pleasure but also I don't want to feel guilty for doing things..

As a kid when I grew up, I thought sex, nudity and stuff is all bad because of simple disciipline by parents and elders. Im still not able to get over it.

Please help.
Thanks

You need to see a counselor for the kind of help that you're looking for.

A lot of it is going to be changing the way you think about sex and women, and you'll need to talk to someone who is trained to help you through it.

Since you're only 20 I guess you still have a lot to learn about women. One of the big differences between men and women is that although both enjoy sex, generally speaking, women place a higher value on intimacy than men do. Women appreciate, talking, cuddlling, gentle massages, etc. more than men. It's a shame that our society through porn on the Internet, etc. conditiion young men to believe that all women want is rough sex and to be dominated. Sex should be a pleasuarable part of any relationship, but just remember it is only a part of the relationship, and in the views of most women (as opposed to men), is not the most important part of a relationship. My advice to you is to not worry too much about sex right now, and concentrate on learning how to develop intimate, respectful relationships with women. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by normierich

Since you're only 20 I guess you still have a lot to learn about women. One of the big differences between men and women is that although both enjoy sex, generally speaking, women place a higher value on intimacy than men do. Women appreciate, talking, cuddlling, gentle massages, etc. more than men. It's a shame that our society through porn on the Internet, etc. conditiion young men to believe that all women want is rough sex and to be dominated. Sex should be a pleasuarable part of any relationship, but just remember it is only a part of the relationship, and in the views of most women (as opposed to men), is not the most important part of a relationship. My advice to you is to not worry too much about sex right now, and concentrate on learning how to develop intimate, respectful relationships with women. Good luck!

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I think you have a point there. I should perhaps concentrate more on having good relationships with others.
Thanks

I know I like sex. Just saying...

No I guess I wrote it wrong. I want to know how to change my understanding of intimacy?

As in what should I do to avoid guilty feelings for getting intimate?

As long as the girl you are with seems to not mind what you are doing together sexually, or you have asked her "is this ok" like she said, then you have no reason to feel guilty

In my opinion you just need to go off what feels right. Try to let your previous thoughts and notions of what you think you know go and just go with the flow. You WILL know what you should and should not be doing by pretty much basic common sense and judgement.

So don't feel guilty, honestly your older than I am but try to take my advise. I think you need to talk with someone who you can chat about this with. Either a serious close friend or a professional just somebody who will take it seriously and not laugh about it. But again go with the flow when the time comes and when you do finally get close to someone things will not feel dirty, they will feel natural, good, fulfilling and intimate. Just don't worry about it and like the others said for now don't worry about sex until you find somebody important enough to have it with.

Women love sex, but with a honest, caring, lover, who makes love to their mind also. That's where all the foreplay starts, with their mind. At least talk nice, before you make a move. That's where it starts with the talking, and listening.

Religion causes great damage to normal human sexuality... so, you have to overcome negative indoctrination religion has done to you.

People go through many stages in their sexual development.. you are at the beginning stage. Women your age are not very sophisticated in their sexual development obviously, so you both will be in the same boat as you experiment. Young women are also looking for a husband/mate, that is their biological imperative! There is often that hidden agenda. :) Older women have different agendas, often pure enjoyment.

So, for you it is about overcoming your indoctrination, your negative indoctrination, and start learning about sex with a girlfriend you like. No roadmap. :)

That's my opinion, my friend.

Best wishes, :)

Pay attention to body language. Most young men do not know how to, yet.

Listen to, and attend to what she says, or moans. Most young men do not!

Remember that her skin is far more delicate and sensitive than yours. Be gentle.

Create your own version of "good sex." Most of the negativity we learn is the product of someone else's fear.

Sex isn't just effing. There is much more to it. From a woman's perspective anyway.

Sex is a wonderful way to make babies and share diseases. Take precautions, knowing that even with condoms and the pill and foam, pregnancy is still possible.

Women enjoy sex. If its with a man who cares and has a clue about what a woman wants and how. At 20 not many guys do. And at 20 not many woman know themselves yet either.

I know how you feel.. your whole life these principles were shoved down your throat.. telling you that sex before marriage is wrong..

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but now that you're an adult, these decisions are going to have to be yours.. and a lot of times.. those fundamental values that your family forced on you.. aren't going to go away very easily.

I've struggled with it in every relationship I've had.. I wanted to do sexual things, but I was racked with guilt..

I guess you just need to listen to yourself, sit and meditate on it.. find out what YOU want and not what your parents want.. If you have a higher being, go to Him and ask Him for guidance

Follow your instincts and you'll be fine... She'll help you along in the process of young love. Go with the fkow and be HAPPY...