I am a caregiver of 3 children, ages 4 yrs, 2 yrs, and 10 mo old. I have been caring for these children for 6 months. The custodial mother (who hired me) has no issues with me however, the non-custodial father has started to voice his concerns with his ex-wife about me. Claiming that the children are not in a safe environment. Claiming that my cat is scratching his children, that I am not providing a safe environment for them. This all started two weeks ago, when he asked to come into my home and visit his children, basically to check me out, even though he was not involved in the interview process his ex-wife conducted 6 months ago. He asked me if he could continue to come and visit the children on his lunch hour, I informed him I was not comfortable with that arrangement and there was a visitation schedule already inforce and I did not want to be in the middle of that. I feel I work for his ex-wife not him. He also calls the 4 yr old daily and at times I do not answer the phone because I am busy with his children. That is also why he is now pushing the issue about safety. He is demanding through his ex-wife that I have to start answering the phone, even though he calls the children every night at his ex-wife's home. He is wanting to find another caregiver. Does he have the right as a non-custodial parent to request another caregiver or is it the decision of the custodial parent? We live in the state of Indiana.

Unless there is something stating otherwise then yes he has as much right as she does in saying who cares for the children. Since it is " thier " children your working for both of them.

Califdadof3, are you sure? This doesn't sound right to me. This sounds like harassment to me. I don't think he can force her to let him visit every day on his lunch hour and answer every single phone call. She operates a child care center, not a father care center.

You need to ask the mom if she and the dad have joint legal custody of the kids. This is the decision-making aspect of custody and most of the time people share this equally even if only one of the parents has sole physical custody.

So, in the absence of a court order specifically addressing you as the designated caregiver, the dad may remove the kids from your care and place them somewhere else. It's a shared decision that he and the mom make together. They may act independently but would likely have to communicate when doing so (the law isn't that specific on the communication part of it) unless the court has ordered that certain decisions be made jointly.

Unless there is a restraining order in place, the dad is not barred from seeing the kids while in daycare even if his access time does not specifically so provide.

Cadillac, glad you answered this, since this is your area of expertise.

So if the dad can legally move them elsewhere, I guess the mom could move them back if she also has legal custody? What prevents children from becoming like ping pong balls in this system?

Isn't a daycare provider entitled to set some reasonable limits with parents? Or could all the parents visit all day long if they wanted?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by asking

Cadillac, glad you answered this, since this is your area of expertise.

So if the dad can legally move them elsewhere, I guess the mom could move them back if she also has legal custody? What prevents children from becoming like ping pong balls in this system?

Isn't a daycare provider entitled to set some reasonable limits with parents? Or could all the parents visit all day long if they wanted?

---

Well, this is the kind of thing that sometimes brings people into court. So, if it started to become a problem either party would have to file a motion and let the judge decide the issue. But, frankly most judges would be very unhappy having this sort of little squabble in their courtroom. It's too petty and trivial and someone would at a minimum get scolded over it or possibly wind up paying someone else's attorney fees.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by asking

Cadillac, glad you answered this, since this is your area of expertise.

So if the dad can legally move them elsewhere, I guess the mom could move them back if she also has legal custody? What prevents children from becoming like ping pong balls in this system?

Isn't a daycare provider entitled to set some reasonable limits with parents? Or could all the parents visit all day long if they wanted?

---

Most of what I know about daycare is that the provider has the responsibility and the right to set the rules within limits. In doing so that may chase away certain clients but its not illegal to do so. Another thing is for most daycare providers there is an open door policy as far as parents stopping by. The last thing any daycare provider needs is an accusation. For most its almost as if conviction has occurred and can ruin not only a business but reputations also. In the case of the OP she could tell the father its unreasonable and then he would have his say and possibly move the children elsewhere. When dealing with the issue of safety is in the eye of the beholder for the most part. There is the obvious and the unseen. Kids being kids accidents are going to happen no matter what so being a daycare provider is a double edged sword.

The non custodial parent does not have any rights to contact you or to visit, in fact you can not allow him to visit without the mothers approval.

So first he should never have come the first time without her permission.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

The non custodial parent does not have any rights to contact you or to visit, in fact you can not allow him to visit without the mothers approval.

So first he should never have come the first time without her permission.

---

I have to disagree with this one. So long as he has legal custody ( shared ) with the mother he has an equal right to decide the care of a child / children.

I went through a similar situation with my ex-husband. We have joint custody of our children. He has no right to visit the children except when his visition rights are according to the parenting agreement. The mother needs to step and do her part and discuss the matter with her ex-husband to see why he thinks the children might be endanger. He is disrupting the children unless there is proven fact that the children are in an unsafe environment and the mother is the one that can make that determination. He is just trying to give you a hard time and also his ex-wife.

I think it all hinges on whether he has legal custody or not. OP states he's non custodial, but not clear what that means. Does just not have physical custody? Or no legal custody at all? Those are two different things.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rij

He is disrupting the children unless there is proven fact that the children are in an unsafe environment and the mother is the one that can make that determination. He is just trying to give you a hard time and also his ex-wife.

---

If the determination by either parent in a joint custody ( legal custody ) situation then the both are entitled to make a decision. Its not just what the mother says has to take precident in joint. If its unsafe its unsafe. Doesn't matter if the mother sees it or not.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rij

I went thru a similiar situation with my ex-husband. We have joint custody of our children. He has no right to visit the children except when his visition rights are according to the parenting agreement. The mother needs to step and do her part and discuss the matter with her ex-husband to see why he thinks the children might be endanger. He is disrupting the children unless there is proven fact that the children are in an unsafe environment and the mother is the one that can make that determination. He is just trying to give you a hard time and also his ex-wife.

---

So why does mom get to call the shots if the parties have joint custody (including joint legal custody)? What is dad, just some marginal figure in the children's lives?

No. The father has every right to say if he sees that his children are in a unsafe environment, but the question here is "are the children in an unsafe environment"? Or is the father just taking it a little too far. I believe that the father should have every right to be involved in the up bringing of his children, but not to the extend that he abuses that right and causes mental anquish on the mother or the caregiver or most importantly the children, that's why there are parenting agreements and that's why there are judges and courts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rij

No. The father has every right to say if he sees that his children are in a unsafe environment, but the question here is "are the children in an unsafe environment"? or is the father just taking it a little too far. I believe that the father should have every right to be involved in the up bringing of his children, but not to the extend that he abuses that right and causes mental anquish on the mother or the caregiver or most importantly the children, thats why there are parenting agreements and thats why there are judges and courts.

---

Of course that is why we have judges and courts; but, the point is it is for the judge to decide "are the children in an unsafe environment" not the mom.

I believe that a mom should have every right to be involved in the upbringing of her children but not to the extent that she abuses that right and causes mental anguish, etc. just as you stated this as it applies to dads. There is no gender bias in the law. Perhaps that is my point.