Ask Me Help Desk - Is a parent who is a compulsive gambler unfit?

I'm back... and the plot has thickened. Since I was last here, ex has lost his job and filed for bankruptcy. He now has no source of income whatsoever, but I am certain his parents are still feeding his bank account.

However... upon reviewing bank statements included in discovery, it appears there is another problem - Ex is a compulsive gambler. There are numerous ATM cash withdrawals at various establishments that carry video poker machines. You can almost see the stops in your mind on the GPRS system. Additionally, in less than one year's time, he managed to rack up over $100,000 in credit card debt. At a rate of 28.99% interest, that's over $28,000 just in interest payments each year alone.

My kids are still represented by a liberal attorney who has taken pity on my ex.

Given this new information, I don't know whether this qualifies as a significant change in circumstances or can be used against ex during the upcoming settlement hearing.

And this puts an additional spin on assessing child support because ex can now claim he is unemployable, due to the bankruptcy record. But wouldn't his parents have to testify that they'll continue to support him by paying his basic living expenses? Otherwise, not even my entire salary can match the amount of money flying through is account each month.

I'm a good person and I've played by all the rules and I just don't get how ex keeps getting the upper hand by his erratic behavior.

I really don't know whether my kids have any idea what's going on with their dad because discussing the case is taboo.

Is there ANYTHING I can do??

Are you also on the credit cards?Your credit AND his?

If so,IMMEDIATELY GET YOUR NAME REMOVED!TODAY EVEN!

Him racking up all that debt would leave you possibly paying for some or all of this debt,much less the credit rating you'll have with him being in bankruptcy.

It really sounds like he is on a rampage to drag you in to the sewer right along with him.

I hope your name isn't a part of this.

Sorry if this has already been responded to as I haven't read you other posts.

Good luck with this apparently difficult divorce.The kids are the ones who suffer more than the adults.It's not their fault but they do feel responsible no matter what.Be nice to them and support them all you can,you will have a better relationship with them if you do!

Quote:

Originally Posted by KBC

Are you also on the credit cards?Your credit AND his?

If so,IMMEDIATELY GET YOUR NAME REMOVED!TODAY EVEN!

NO! Thank goodness! We've been divorced for over 7 years. Even so... I was getting calls from collectors prior to him filing for bankruptcy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KBC

Him racking up all that debt would leave you possibly paying for some or all of this debt,much less the credit rating you'll have with him being in bankruptcy.

It really sounds like he is on a rampage to drag you in to the sewer right along with him.

I hope your name isn't a part of this.

Sorry if this has already been responded to as I haven't read you other posts.

Good luck with this apparently difficult divorce.The kids are the ones who suffer more than the adults.It's not their fault but they do feel responsible no matter what.Be nice to them and support them all you can,you will have a better relationship with them if you do!

Going down the sewer is RIGHT. I cannot seem to escape his wrath, no matter what I do to better MY life and move on. The kids don't like my rules but don't realize where they're headed by staying with their dad. They could have it so much better here, but don't want to change schools.

I can only see this ending very badly and the kids being traumatized by the self-destructing actions of their father. The courts favor the children's wishes at this age so fighting their custody decision is just an exercise in futility. My only hope of getting custody at this point is to prove their father unfit (and anyone who knows him and his history would say that he IS.)

Although I'm not named on the bankruptcy, it IS going to affect my credit because I'll be ordered to pay even MORE child support, since he'll argue that he is now unemployable (he probably lost this last job once the courts notified them of garnishment.)

I am desperate for ideas!

Thanks for your response

Quote:

Originally Posted by KBC

Are you also on the credit cards?Your credit AND his?

If so,IMMEDIATELY GET YOUR NAME REMOVED!TODAY EVEN!

Him racking up all that debt would leave you possibly paying for some or all of this debt,much less the credit rating you'll have with him being in bankruptcy.

It really sounds like he is on a rampage to drag you in to the sewer right along with him.

I hope your name isn't a part of this.

Sorry if this has already been responded to as I haven't read you other posts.

Good luck with this apparently difficult divorce.The kids are the ones who suffer more than the adults.It's not their fault but they do feel responsible no matter what.Be nice to them and support them all you can,you will have a better relationship with them if you do!

The husband is in bankruptcy. If these were joint debts she would have been advised by the Court.

If it's a joint credit card OP can't just say - "Take my name off this" - and walk away. That's not how it works legally.

Legally I don't see this as a significant change in circumstances - if he's in bankruptcy these debts will either be structured OR discharged so his gambing shouldn't affect the bottom line of child support.

Does his gambling show a somewhat unsavory lifestyle, particularly if it's out of control? Possibly - but does gambling = unsavory. No.

This should be combined with the other posts - I know it's been a long road for you and this is just another bend in it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The husband is in bankruptcy. If these were joint debts she would have been advised by the Court.

Legally I don't see this as a significant change in circumstances - if he's in bankruptcy these debts will either be structured OR discharged so his gambling shouldn't affect the bottom line of child support.

Does his gambling show a somewhat unsavory lifestyle, particularly if it's out of control? Possibly - but does gambling = unsavory. No.

This should be combined with the other posts - I know it's been a long road for you and this is just another bend in it.

Thanks for your candor, Judy. I didn't realize posts could be combined.

The kids are going to discover that the support I send isn't providing them with anything directly. I've been sending voluntary support (but not the full amount I'm guessing will be ordered - more than enough for groceries and small incidentals though) but the kids are still asking me (and my husband) for transportation, clothes, shoes and personal hygiene items. I am still providing them with a cell phone because it's the only way I can contact them (dad doesn't have a land line). My attorney has advised me to cut the phones off and make dad pay for them. Well... that's fine, but doubtful he'll maintain them once/if they're transferred. But that will be HIS failure; not mine and kids will start putting the pieces together. However, once the phones are gone, I will have virtually no contact, which worries me (they may NEED to call me).

The bankruptcy may very well discharge his debts as he has no means of paying any of it now. With no job, a recent bankruptcy and a tight job market, his chances of re-employment are pretty slim. I'm sure he'll pull this little bitty out during negotiations, requesting the maximum support based on no income.

Just when I think we're approaching closure, he throws something new out there to make matters worse. I foresee this ending VERY badly and the kids are going to be deeply hurt when they see their dad self destruct.

Yes - just another bend in the road. Let's just hope we're near the END!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MomWontGiveUp

Thanks for your candor, Judy. I didn't realize posts could be combined.

The kids are going to discover that the support I send isn't providing them with anything directly. I've been sending voluntary support (but not the full amount I'm guessing will be ordered - more than enough for groceries and small incidentals though) but the kids are still asking me (and my husband) for transportation, clothes, shoes and personal hygiene items. I am still providing them with a cell phone because it's the only way I can contact them (dad doesn't have a land line). My attorney has advised me to cut the phones off and make dad pay for them. Well... that's fine, but doubtful he'll maintain them once/if they're transferred. But that will be HIS failure; not mine and kids will start putting the pieces together. However, once the phones are gone, I will have virtually no contact, which worries me (they may NEED to call me).

The bankruptcy may very well discharge his debts as he has no means of paying any of it now. With no job, a recent bankruptcy and a tight job market, his chances of re-employment are pretty slim. I'm sure he'll pull this little bitty out during negotiations, requesting the maximum support based on no income.

Just when I think we're approaching closure, he throws something new out there to make matters worse. I foresee this ending VERY badly and the kids are going to be deeply hurt when they see their dad self destruct.

Yes - just another bend in the road. Let's just hope we're near the END!

I know your ex has dragged you over the place, pretty much with nonsense. The best you can do is be prepared and so far it looks like you've been a step ahead of him.