I'm cheating on my boyfriend with my best friend
I have this best friend called Josh and we hang out all the time and have the greatest fun together and even though we’ve been friends for years there’s always been some kind of chemistry between us. The problem is that I’ve been dating his best friend for two years and I’ve never cheated on him. Recently my boyfriend has been neglecting me and even when we do spend time together he only wants to sleep with me. He’s also got pretty nasty; he calls me names and never tells me he loves me even when I tell him that I do. This one time he head butted me so hard I cried and a bruise came up but he just laughed. Whenever we’re around other people he’ll act like everything’s normal and fine so no one understands what’s going on. Josh has always told me that if things hadn’t turned out the way they did then, he would be with me now.
Recently, after my boyfriend stood me up and left me on my own in Oxford city center for hours, Josh left his party and came to see if I was OK. We ended up spending a really romantic evening together, taking a walk though Jericho and sitting by the river looking at the stars. I ended up staying over his, which is pretty common, and we ended up kissing. He told me that I meant everything to him and that I was gorgeous and beautiful, and it felt so lovely to be adored and appreciated. We’ve agreed to keep things quiet for now because we don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t know what would happen if my boyfriend were to find out, I fear he might seriously hurt Josh and/or me. Josh says that we can’t help who we fall for and that it’s not hurting anyone this way, and that we should deal with things properly when we both know what we want in the future.
We all share a very close circuit of friends, and I doubt this secret will stay safe for long. Is it best to walk away from Josh and carry on with my boyfriend as if nothing happened, come clean and face the consequences, or keep a relationship with both keeping everyone happy until Josh and I know what we really want for the future?