Hello,

At the time of writing this I'm full of guilt and regret.

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up 5 months ago, but we stayed friends, really close friends. She was the first girl I ever really loved, and I thought I had gotten over her.
My girlfriend has no problem with being friends with her, and she said that it's up to me who I go out with and who's my friend. She trusts me.

However, last night, I went downtown alone with my ex-girlfriend, and we remembered stuff from when we were together. I tried to kiss her on the cheek, but she accidentally moved, and we were caught in a liplock..

We were both freaked out at first, but we took it as a joke, cause it didn't mean anything. I actually thought I had gotten over her by that time.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we decided that we wouldn't tell anyone and that it wouldn't happen again. But.. just when I was about to leave, we kissed again..
And I felt just like I felt when we used to be together..

It really felt so wrong cause I'm with another person now, and I honestly don't know what to do. I love my girlfriend. I really do. But sometimes when I'm with her I think about my ex-girlfriend. I don't want to lose my girlfriend, and I certainly don't want to hurt her..

Can someone give me advice on what to do please?

Thanks,
Evsdropr

I think the best thing to do is to avoid hanging out with her so you don't end up getting more involved than a kiss or two.
These two kisses sounded more innocent than sexual desire or whatever BUT that does not mean they won't lead to something more if you continue to see her.
Personally for now I would not tell your girlfriend or anybody because they could take it as much more. But you do need to realize it will not be healthy for your relationship with your girlfriend if you continue to see her.
I have a rule when I have a boyfriend. If I want to hang with a male friend I invite my boyfriend along and even turn it more into a group thing with other friends as well. Then you can socialize but it's on a less personal level.

Man you have to figuer out way you can stop thinking about her , man after you guys kissed each other I know now you are every secound thinking about her and the love is growing up inside of both you guys I suggest you have to figuer out way you can completley forget her and that is the hardest part because you will never men always never forget there first Love and women never forget their first chetter men so that is the way it is , man just be carfull and use your mind a lot of couldn't stop thinking about her just think negative things about her so you can stay away from her .

Here's the deal.

You guys broke up because of somehting that was happening at the time, maybe an argument or whatever, but deep down you didn't feel right about it. You moved on (or so you thought) and BAMM here she is and your feelings are back too!

Don't kid yourslef man, love is not blind. It's standing right in front of you! Don't lie to yourslef and especially drag this new girl into a relationship that invloves cheating, that's not healthy for no one.

Think real long and real hard!

Good Luck

Man I don't want to dispoint you but you are really in hard stues you shouldn't make new girl friend until you will forget her totole one hundred percent and your girl friend trusted you when she said be with her friends but don't go to far and it happen I'm not saying you did it it's natural of life it's just happened but that time when you was about kiss her you should be lyolty to your girl friend and say no I can't go to far please! man listen to your heart and be with one your heart choose sometimes human hearts are basterd so folllow all your sense man

I haven't slept all night thinking about everything that happened last night, and yeah, partially, I feel that my old feelings are back too =/

The worst part is that my ex-girlfriend has moved on too, but she wants to keep last night a secret from her boyfriend. She seems to still have feelings for me too, but I don't want to keep this a secret from my girlfriend.

If I tell her, she'll be freaked out, and she'll most probably break up with me.
There's no way she'll find out if I don't tell her because I didn't, and won't, tell anyone. But I just feel bad about hiding this from her..

Exactly if you tell your girlfriend she may 'freak out' AND never trust you again. If you can not stop things with the ex dead in the tracks and continue to hang out with this ex and get more emotionally/physically attached then you need to tell her though because it would not be fair to her that you are straying. So far it sounds like not much more than an innocent mishap. The more you see this girl the more you are flirting with temptation and putting yourself in danger for a fall.
If you stop seeing this girl and it gets out to your girlfriend that you had kissed this girl you can then honestly reply that is why you stopped hanging out with her because you didn't want to jeopardize what you have with her.

I am going to take another perspective on this, so please no one get mad, as this is just my opinion. To pass this off as an "innocent mishap" has got to be one of the biggest excuses I have ever heard. You clearly have an attachment to her and you clearly get yourself into situations like this by hanging out with her. If you got drunk and kissed another girl, with whom you had not past history with, would people pass that off as innocent? Would people on here say that, "Well, since you were drunk then it was fine, just don't do it again." NO!

The issue is that you still have feelings for your ex and trying to date someone else while AT THE SAME TIME trying to get over someone else is not fair to either of you. This is way beyond innocent. You knew exactly what you were doing, both of you. No excuses, period. I understand you feel bad, and I am not trying to beat you up here. Mistakes are mistakes, but this goes deeper than just an innocent, "Whoops, I slipped on a banana peel and my lips touched hers."

Obviously you need to remove yourself from your ex, totally, as you owe it to your current girlfriend. I am just not totally sold on the hiding it from her issue. And, after telling her or if she finds out, to say ,"Well, that is why I don't hang out with her anymore," is a complete load of junk. Basically, it states you still have feelings for your ex still and you cannot control your own actions. Yeah, I kissed her one time, but I was adult enough to get myself out of situations where that wouldn't happen anymore, so it is all right.

Like I said, just my opinion, and I hope that you don't take it personally. Good luck!

Yes he does have a strong attachment to her that is why I said to
Avoid further contact THEN he could chalk it up to an innocent mishap and get on with his life.. Of course if they continue to pursue seeing each other then the ''innocent mishap'' needs to be brought to light and dealt with by ALL 4 of them.
BUT yes he needs to deal with his feelings. Right now they both seem to be in relationships that they want to be in.
Until and unless they both break up with their new relationships they need to deal with how they need to handle their feelings in a healthy way. Continuing to see each other is NOT healthy and will only get them in deeper.

Nohelp, my answer was in no way an attack on what you were saying, so I hope I didn't offend. I just want to keep people from being hurt, that's all. I know that taking responsibility for one's actions is a step in the right direction, but clearly other people's emotions and feelings are involved in this, whether they know about it or not. Your advice is always dead on, so I love your insight in everything. :)

I know I was just expounding because I think what you said and what I said made a more complete answer. Because you did make it clearer that there is attachment to be dealt with there.

I think your fooling yourself with this friendship crap, and betraying the trust of your g/f, by continuing to see the ex period.

That's how situations like this come about, because you let them. The kiss is nothing more but a conclusion that you let happen by being alone downtown with the ex.

Guilt, and regret is, but a warning of your own bad behavior, as innocent as you think, its not.

Leave the ex alone. Or leave the girlfriend alone.

Thank you everyone for your answers. They really helped me out.

I know I feel, or at least I think I do.. I think I still love my ex-girlfriend. Whatever it is I feek for my current girlfriend it's strong, but I think it's not love after all..

It's been 5 months since we broke up with my ex-girlfriend. Can really feelings come back after all that time?

My ex-girlfriend insists on not telling anyone, and I really doubt she's going to change her mind, because her boyfriend would break up with her if he found out that she kissed her ex-boyfriend.

And yes, I know what I did was wrong, but I really want to make up for what I've done.

What might seem weird to some, is that I know I love my ex-girlfriend, yet I want her to keep on being with her boyfriend, because he's the one who really makes her happy. That's all that matters to me, making sure that she is happy, whether that's with me or with somebody else.

As for my girlfriend, I'll need to figure out what to do in order to provide her equal to what she's worth, because as of now, I obviously haven't =/

Are you blinded by affection, or something, your ex is manipulating you into cheating on your g/f, and helping her cheat on her b/f.

Its very obvious. What's worse to me at least, is her life is not your business, and what your blind to, she is breaking up you, and your present g/f.

You need to rethink this whole thing and cut her from your life. You are being used in the worse possible way, and no good will come of it.

Talaniman Rule- Never, ever, run head first into a brick wall, even if you have a helmet on!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Talaniman Rule- Never, ever, run head first into a brick wall, even if you have a helmet on!!!

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I can vouch for that... it still hurts! Trust me. Every time I fight with a brick wall, I lose!