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-   -   Child visitation (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=293925)

  • Dec 19, 2008, 01:08 PM
    cmunsey
    Child visitation
    My ex has visitation every other weekend and holidays every other year. He has not seen the child in 5 months and all of a sudden out of the blue, he calls and tells me he will be picking kevin (our son) up today and will be keeping him until the 27th. And kevin does not want to go and he makes himself sick from crying because he does not want to go with his dad. Is there anything legally I can do to prevent him from going if he doesn't want to go? It hurts me so much to see this happen. I love kevin so much and he is being traumatized by all of this and so am I.
    Thank you,
    Cathy from Texas.
    Kevin is 9 years old.
  • Dec 19, 2008, 01:14 PM
    N0help4u

    Since it is so close to Christmas I don't know that you can do anything now. I agree it is not good to send them when the child is traumatized especially when it is because the dad isn't consistent.
    You need to tell your ex that he needs to be consistent because his on/off relationship is detrimental to his mental health. You can take it back to court but I think it would do more good to have your son evaluated by a psychologist to write a report. That will stand up in court more than your say because often parents do things out of spite.
  • Dec 19, 2008, 01:31 PM
    cmunsey
    I have told him that and he doesn't listen. I have thought about a psychologist. Thank you. That is a good idea. At least I will have that on record in case we need it in court.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    Since it is so close to Christmas I don't know that you can do anything now. I agree it is not good to send them when the child is traumatized especially when it is because the dad isn't consistent.
    You need to tell your ex that he needs to be consistent because his on/off relationship is detrimental to his mental health. You can take it back to court but I think it would do more good to have your son evaluated by a psychologist to write a report. That will stand up in court more than your say because often parents do things out of spite.
  • Dec 19, 2008, 01:33 PM
    N0help4u

    I know my x would only bother with the kids about once or twice a year and it was really hard on them mentally. It is not fair to you or the kids. They want them AT THEIR convenience!
  • Dec 19, 2008, 01:44 PM
    cmunsey
    But that is not fair to them! Do they not care what it does to them mentally? No wonder some kids do the things they do with father's like they have. You can't just have a kid and forget they exist. I don't get it.




    Quote:
    Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    I know my x would only bother with the kids about once or twice a year and it was really hard on them mentally. It is not fair to you or the kids. They want them AT THEIR convenience!
  • Dec 19, 2008, 03:03 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    You can just refuse and let the father take you to court to find you in contempt, the judge may fine you, may put you in jail for a day or two, or may do nothing but warn you. And of course this may give father some leverage to ask for more favorable visits for him.

    Now you can try and get an emergancy hearing ( I doubt you can get it, my emergancy hearing took 4 weeks to get here in Atlanta) and try and get a judge to rule on it.

    you need to go back to court and get a new order to add that if father is out of contact with the child for more than X amount of time, he will be requried to do supervised visits for a certain length of tme before he can have over night.
  • Dec 19, 2008, 03:05 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    I will also add, often if the child hears the parent fussing about the other parent, saying it isnot fair, and not right, and they don't want to let them go, it upsets the child a lot more.

    I have seen this 100's of times, where the parent with custody, is causing a lot of the child's being upset because of their issues with their ex's
  • Dec 19, 2008, 03:44 PM
    cmunsey
    [you know, you are right. I have thought of that too. But after not hearing from him for 5 months, what am I supposed to think and say? I don't really have to say anything. His actions say it all.

    QUOTE=Fr_Chuck;1438719]I will also add, often if the child hears the parent fussing about the other parent, saying it isnot fair, and not right, and they don't want to let them go, it upsets the child a lot more.

    I have seen this 100's of times, where the parent with custody, is causing a lot of the child's being upset because of their issues with their ex's[/QUOTE]
  • Dec 19, 2008, 03:56 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    I just know in counseling, so often one parent will come in with the child and start by saying, well, the "child" is so upset, because their XXX$$$$ father has not seen them in 3 months and is not paying their child support, and now wants a visit.

    Well after the parent is out of the room, the child acts out that parents role often, but we find they love both parents and want to see the one that they miss so much.
    Also often they blame thierself for the split up, and normally blame thierself that the one parent will not come around, "if I could be a better child, dad would come visit more)

    It is not true but so often the feeling.
  • Jan 7, 2009, 08:15 PM
    cdad
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by 08 nobody View Post
    well .. a dad that wants to see my lil girl but the mom says ..that my daughter's fine without me in her life ..i been there ever since my lil girl 's been born she 4yrs..i been with the mom for 6 yrs..broke up 4 3 months now..the minute i moved out ..i can't see my lil girl..she sayin that my daughter doesn't want to see me...and she not gonna send her somewhere she don't wanna go...WHAT!!!i love my lil girl..and i wanna see her..so..your talkin like her..I MISS MY DAUGHTER..so..what now..cmunsey
    This question should be on its own and not a part of someone else's.

    As for now Ill try to help you get some answers.
    What does the current custody order say ?
    Are you on the birth certificate if there is no order ?
  • Jan 8, 2009, 10:45 AM
    cmunsey
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by califdadof3 View Post
    This question should be on its own and not a part of someone elses.

    As for now Ill try to help you get some answers.
    What does the current custody order say ?
    Are you on the birth certificate if there is no order ?
    Well I am not the expert but if she won't let me see her, I would find me a lawyer or just go over there and get her.
  • Jan 8, 2009, 11:33 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cmunsey View Post
    well i am not the expert but if she won't let me see her, i would find me a lawyer or just go over there and get her.

    This is recommending taking the law into your own hands and is also illegal and could get the OP arrested.

    You MUST go through the Court system.
  • Jan 8, 2009, 03:44 PM
    cmunsey
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    This is recommending taking the law into your own hands and is also illegal and could get the OP arrested.

    You MUST go through the Court system.
    No, what I meant was, I would call her and tell her I am coming over to take my daughter out to eat or something and tell the mom you will bring her back in a couple of hours. And by all means take her back and go from there.
  • Jan 8, 2009, 04:44 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cmunsey View Post
    no, what i meant was, i would call her and tell her i am coming over to take my daughter out to eat or something and tell the mom you will bring her back in a couple of hours. and by all means take her back and go from there.


    Okay, we're good - people have posted their intentions to sort of grab the child and run. Glad to hear you're playing by the rules.
  • Jan 9, 2009, 07:18 AM
    cmunsey
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by judykaytee View Post
    okay, we're good - people have posted their intentions to sort of grab the child and run. Glad to hear you're playing by the rules.
    Oh no. I would never suggest that. It would not solve anything.

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