I'm not the best at this, but I'll give it a good shot!

I'm a guy (may explain why I'm not good at this!), 19 years old and live in New Zealand.

August 2008 - Offered a brilliant job, was so surprised I'm one of the youngest in the country to ever have the position!! Obviously said yes, start date mid October

September 2008 - Came in for a short visit, was shown around the place. Everyone seemed pretty nice but one guy in particular stood out. He was so welcoming, even though we work in completely different sections of the workplace. I'll call him Mr A, wouldn't want him finding out just yet.

Spent the rest of the month having the odd day dream about him

October 2008 - Started work there, and ended up spending nearly every lunchtime with him. Played table tennis together, he's so competitive and boy does he build up a sweat - Yummy!

November 2008 - We started to drift apart, not sure why - could have easily had to do with the election. Believe it or not I'm a conservative, he's a Liberal. He also started to mention his partner a lot more. In the last fortnight I went to another city for training, hoping to get over him this time. I met my ex boyfriend up there, plus a number of guys at club and even from off the internet - thought I was getting over Mr A... until I went to the airport to come home and I simply couldn't get him out of my head! I nearly cried, I thought I was at least somewhat over him.

December 2008 - It's been really up and down. Turns out he's got a big promotion, so as at next year I will see him less. I get all quiet just thinking about it. A week ago we had a workplace xmas party thing, I'm not sure if it was the alcohol but I simply could not stop thinking about him - I forced myself to talk with heaps of strangers there to try and get me thinking about someone else, but it really didn't work and I spent the weekend pretty depressed.
I was very obviously quiet on Monday, for some strange reason one of the workers was convinced that Mr A hit on me (did very well to not to say - ABOUT AS WRONG AS YOU COULD GET) and simply said I had family issues lol
Yesterday he came over, fixed my collar and said 'paying it forward' and I replied 'Na but your acting like a big brother' - didn't work out the way I planned. Today he didn't want to even look at me.

To make things even worse, I have a date tomorrow and now I am so tempted on putting it off because even though he's a great guy and definitely my type... Mr A is the one who I can see myself cooking tea for, having arguments over the TV channel with, okay and yes maybe sex with for the rest of my life.

Any tips?

Oh and yes I know that it's unfair to try and change him, and besides I would HATE to be a third wheel... but I just can't help the thoughts.

We often want what we can not have and sometimes the chase makes it all that more exciting.But you seem to be chasing after something totally unobtainable.He is straight right? The likelihood of him having a gay affair seems pretty far fetched.

I don't think he has really given you any encouragement and I think perhaps you read too much into his friendship because you are looking for any shred of hope..

Some things just aren't meant to be and clearly this is one of them.
Go on your date and enjoy your life,its really in your hands.

Blessings.. Michele

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Originally Posted by drofdarspy

Oh and yes I know that it's unfair to try and change him, and besides I would HATE to be a third wheel...but I just can't help the thoughts.

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Follow your own advice. If you know he is straight, then let him be straight. You can just ask him once if it can ever happen. Then leave it alone if it is a no.

If you pursue it, you will get hurt, and you might push him away for good.

You say he started backing off. That to me says he most likely got vibes that you are gay and find him attractive. Obsessing about him will not make him yours especially when he is straight and you are gay. You can't make him gay any more than anybody can make you straight. Sort of like obsessing that you could live in the Taj Mahal
Ain't going to happen. Get on and get over.

I'm a gay man myself and I agree with the other posters that you ought to try to get over him.

You may have heard of the new movie "Milk" with Sean Penn that just came out. If you've not yet heard of the movie it's about the first openly gay man elected to a public office, Harvey Milk, and the gay activism in San Francisco at the time surrounding his election. There's a poignant scene in the movie where a young intern in his office is crying over the "one that got away" --a boyfriend that dumps the young guy for someone else. In the movie, Harvey's advice to the young fellow is I think the same advice I'd give you. He says: "Guess what......you're going to meet the most extraordinary men, the sexiest, brightest, funniest men, and you're going to fall in love with so many of them, and you won't know until the end of your life who your greatest friends were or greatest love was."

So maybe the point is you've got a long life ahead of you. Don't get hung up about the one that got away.

Get over this fantasy world your building, and get back to reality as your letting it affect your life a little too much.

Having feelings of attraction to another is human, is okay. But what you do about it, and how you cope with it, is entirely up to you, but staying within the boundaries of good behavior, is what's important.

I think what I was meaning to say is that

Yes - I'm trying to get over him, but in the meantime should I put off dating other guys (and girls) all together? Do you think its fair for me to date someone, when someone else is still on my mind.

Also the other thing is, do you think my friendship with him is worth my effort? I mean it does feel like I'm doing 2/3rds of the friendship right now

Yes you should date someone else because he was never 'yours' anyway to get over in that sense.
NO you should let it go/ even avoid him NOT make an effort. As I said he most likely sensed you are gay and have an interest and most likely he is not comfortable with being 'looked' at in that way. So NO effort.
So he backed off and most probably even doesn't look at what you had as a friendship but two co workers that were enjoying a nice time.

Its not as if you had a relationship, or anything, so date whom ever you want.

Friendships are mutual, and if your doing 2/3 's of the work, your doing way too much, and need to back off some.