Is it abusive? Or is it just me
I have a boyfriend who I've been with for nearly a year now, in a distant relationship. We broke up mid year and stayed broken up for ages, but now we're back together.
When we were together before. He broke up with me all the time, and then threatened to kill himself. I would cry and cry and beg him not to and say ill change and be a better girlfriend. And then he'd reluctantly get back back with me. It really hurt me because he'd say, oh you never show me you love me. But it was never good enough.
He keeps hurting me, he tells me he thinks other girls are hot, and that he would do them, but if I say anything, ill get shouted at and a big fight will start and ill probably get dumped again. This morning, I called him to see if he was awake so he wouldn't be late for work. He didn't answer so I sent him a message saying please message if you're awake. He didn't message so I messaged again saying I'm worried and I might call again.
Then like ages later he called me and was all angry at me. Shouting and swearing and saying that I always mother him and he doesn't want to be with me anymore.
Is the way I'm behaving irrational? I'm just trying to show him that I care, but am I over doing it? I really don't understand. I truly love him. But I don't know how I can keep this relationship going if he's always going to find fault with me.
Please help :(