I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years over the last few months I don't want to have sex anymore and have no desire to either. I am always unhapppy and miserable. I question everything in my life. I tried to write a list of what makes me happy and what do I want but that didn't work either.
I don't know if I want my relationship anymore but I have no reason why. I don't feel satisfied in anything I do. I just want to feel happy for more then 5 minutes a day. I am lost and feel like I have hit a brick wall and standing in the middle of a crossroad waiting for the direction I should go in.

If you are lost, make contact with an adult, a professional, who has his or her feet planted on firm ground. :) Talk out your situation and your relationships in life. That should get you out of your rut and back with a happy outlook on life.

Best wishes, :)

I really feel for you and know what you are going through. Just out of curiosity how old are you? I'm 23 and for a while I felt very much the same. I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 and a half years and felt like I didn't know what to do with myself or what I should be doing. I think maybe sometimes we all reach a point in our life where there doesn't seem to be an obvious path to take. For example up until recently my life seemed mapped out , go to school, do well, go to university, get a job, find a husband, get married have kids. But it just isn't so simple I found myself at uni with a long term boyfriend and then I finished uni and I didn't know what to do next. I'm too young to get married and I felt a bit lost like I didn't know what direction to take so I started questioning my relationship. We hardly ever had sex and even though he tried to initiate it and make me feel good about myself I would always say that I wasn't in the mood for it. Although I knew how much I loved my boyfriend and how much he loved me, I felt like I wanted to be out of my relationship. But soon I realised that I didn't want to be without him but that I just needed to Stop focusing on feeling low and miserable.

Anyway I think you need to find a way to stop the negative feelings that you're having. So you have to think do you enjoy being with your boyfriend? Does he make you happy and feel good about yourself? With the sex thing, when you do have sex how does it make you feel? (when I was having a dry spell it was more the thought of sex that I couldn't be bothered with but I found that when I actually did do it that it was fun and it allowed me and my boyfriend to connect with each other again). Perhaps you need to do more things together, be a bit more coupley.

Or maybe you should find a hobby, something to focus on. Perhaps a new sport? This is really good because the adrenaline makes you feel happy and it'll make you feel fitter and better about yourself. You also get to make new friends. I tried out ice skating and springboard diving and it gave me something to look forward to each week and I had the buzz of doing something completely new to me.

I know you probably feel like there is no way out at the moment, but you really have to try focusing on the positives.

I hope this helps somewhat. If you send a reply I can give you some more specific advice.

Keep smiling

VBee

Thanks VBEE. I am 26 so we are of similar age. I really do think I want to be with him but because I am so miserable he has given up on trying with me cause he thinks I am pushing him away which I am but not deliberately. I don't want to hold him back at all. He loves me and I know his only problem with me is the lack of intimacy we share now.
You are right with the school, job, marrigage & kids thiing. This is my 3rd serious relationship and I want this to be it and I am ready to get married and have kids. I am happy in my job I have travelled and its taking the next step I am waiting for. I don't want to force it as its not real then. I understand why he doesn't want to rush into it as things are not so great at the moment.

I have been reading heaps just lately about depression and things like that and come up with my diet its really bad at the moment. I am not over wieght at all however I don't eat enough of the foods I should and they say this can help along with exercise (which I have got very lazy cause I can't be bothered) and keeping a journal.

I guess I am scared what to find out about myself if I write my feelins down. Yesterday when he came home from work I was happy with him felt loving and within an hour I was mad and grumpy at him for no reason.

Its driving me insane!

Yes,the change in diet will help.

Anything you take in your body will change the way you feel,you know, water and foods... etc.

If there is a further problem,I would seek a therapist,you are in control of the outcome from seeking help.If they ask you to consider medications, would you ?

Not everyone needs medications,sometimes it's just talking things out with someone who has stable foundations and a different perspective than your own(just like in here)

But,if the meds seem a good solution,even for a few months,would you be up to it?

No I not interested in taking any medication at all. I have considered talking to someone but I live in a small city and everyone seems to know someone some how and I don't trust the confidentiality side of it. And I have lots of previous issues that I am afraid of being there forever talking about my problems. I know what you probably going to say about that too. Just talking on here is making me feel better that's for sure.
It's the feeling of being in limbo that I hate

And what is it you think I should say about that?

If you already know,it's probably what you should do then isn't it?

Anita I still think you are focusing on all the negatives. You shouldn't worry about writing your feelings down. I don't think that you'll find out something about yourself that you don't like, in fact I think it'll help. If you start writing about when you start feeling low you can make a record of what it is that is causing your change in mood. I also think that writing things down lets you take an outsiders look at how you are feeling and you can sometimes see patterns and perhaps times that you are being irrational. Once you can highlight certain issues it'll be much easier to sort them out.

As for the change of diet, I know when we feel low we like to comfort eat and because we feel a bit lathargic and energy less we tend to opt for meals that require no effort and so are often full of fat and no nutrients. Making the effort to cook better meals and eating more fruit will definitely help. If you want to change your diet it's as simple as just not buying the bad stuff and only buying thefoods that are good for you.

I don't think it's such a good idea to read about depression, I'm sure if I picked up a book on bi-polar I'd identify a lot of the charateristics in myself but that wouldn't mean that I was depressed. I think that sometimes it feels easier to put a name to how you are feeling but that's not always the answer.

I know you may feel like you can't be bothered to go out and exercise but I promise it'll help. It's just making the effort initially and then it'll get easier. Have you got any friends that are a member of a sports club that you could go with. Having someone else to motivate you can help a lot.

If none of these ideas appeal to you, let me know and I'll see what else I can come up with.
I really hope things get better for you. Chin up keep smiling! :)

VBee