Since I was about 14 I have suffered from a severe lack of self-confidence and my moods have always been pretty low. In June of this year I decided to go and see my doctor about these problems and he diagnosed me with major depressive disorder. I have been taking citalopram since the start of July and am receiving cognitive behavioural therapy. The problem is that I am a perfectionist and never feel satisfied with anything I do. I hate the way I look and have never felt like things are going to get any better.

Even though I am making positive changes in my life they all just seem pointless and everyone around me seems happy, I can' understand why I'm not. I've never been in a relationship and find it really hard to socialise with new people through fear of failure and rejection. There are times when I felt more elevated but I always find myself rock bottom again after a while. I've read so many articles about changing how you think and do things but I just don't seem to feel any better.

I'm sick of the steps which tell you to take on board the fact that you are a wonderful and unique person and just accept yourself. If I could I would. I'm only looking for answers and I really hope I can find some here because right now, life just seems like a long dark tunnel. What should I do??

Baxter,

Please do not in any way interpret this post as accusing or condemning. I will simply share with you my own personal experience as I have experienced bouts of depression, in the past (but am now completely free from).

I noted in your post that you used the word "I" (in various forms with contractions) over 21 times.

Well, I must confess to you that even before I read your post, just from the title, I expected that to be the case.

In my past, when my focus was so much on myself, I can tell you, baxter that it always, without fail, 100% of the time led me into a state of depression.

In every way, life is a gift that has been given to you, not to use for yourself, but to give back to others.

Please, if you've stayed with me and are still reading this after my last statements, then I must believe that you have chosen not to be offended at what I've said. If that is the case, then Great!

My suggestion to you, baxter, is to find some way to use the gift of your life to benefit others.

You have some kind of gift, some kind of ability, some skill that you can use to help other people.

Baxter, true joy, peace, fulfilment only comes when one decides to serve others.

When I have become the "servant" of others, I find that my focus is not nearly so much on myself and that my outlook begins to brighten.

I feel good about myself because I am helping someone else.

I have a sense of accomplishment, a sense of approval and a sense of being needed and appreciated, not because I have sat and considered myself, but because I have put my own feelings aside to make others the focus of my attention.

With this kind of lifestyle, you will find that fulfillment, you will develop relationships, friendships, you will nurture self-worth and self-confidence and your life will become the dream that you've never imagined it could become.

Again, baxter, I'm in no way accusing you. Just sharing with you the change that has happened in my own life when I stopped being so absorbed with how I feel and started focusing my energy on helping others.

I know this will help you, too, if you apply it to your life.

Blessings,

JC

I can relate with this.

You think too much.

Would that be a fair statement?

When people say things to you, you analyse it to buggery, trying to figure out why they said whatever, what are they really thinking, why did they look at me that way... and so on.

You have to get back into your own head.

A low self esteem is usually caused by people thinking that other people will think less of them.

So what you have to do, is stop trying to second guess everyone.

Who gives a f**uck if they think you're the weirdest person in the world?

Their opinion is their opinion. And they can do whatever they want, but if you don't care, then there is no way it can touch you.

And I know this is easier said than done, but try this.

When someone talks to you,

As you feel yourself really concentrating on body language and what they're saying, just take a step back, and listen to what they're actually saying.

Someone may give you a horrible look while you're walking, but it doesn't mean its aimed at you! Maybe they're constipated, or had a bad day.

Stop thinking about yourself, and just focus on what is in front of you.

Analyzing can be a very harmful thing, so try and channel it.

Only use it when necessary, otherwise you'll end up always trying to get into other peoples heads, and you'll never be able to fully understand someone.

With the rejection thing, again, just brush it off.

You sound like a really decent person.

So if someone doesn't like you, well f**uck them. They didn't even try to get to know you. So who's the narrow minded idiot? Them.

Things will turn around.

I didn't think they would either, I just felt like I was getting into a dark isolated hole, but start practising, like go to the shops and be really friendly and outgoing with all the sales assistants and chat with them and stuff.

Even if you get to the register and feel fully nervous, just push it out!

If you embarrass yourself, who cares! It's a shop and you'll probably never see the person again.

Just build your confidence up from there.

It really helps, but just start small, and get bigger.

Good luck with everything :)

What does your therapist tell you about the perfectionism?

Don't they have any ideas that you can work on?Anything at all?

If not,find a new therapist.

Like wearing a costume in which no one will recognize you, pretend that this is the last day you have. If you were to say hi and even start a conversation with a neighbor, it wouldn't be frightening at all. Your obsessing and fear would not matter because you only have this one day to make the most of. Tomorrow doesn't even enter the picture.

Pull on the costume, enjoy having things not be final or fatal. Well, it works for me. That "costume" and focusing on how I can be of use to others, even through tiny actions, provide a viewpoint that wouldn't ordinarily surface.

Hi Baxter

From my experience lack of self confidence always has a root cause in past memories. Do you have any difficult child hood memories? Were you made to feel that you are not good enough?

Is it very important to heal these memories, else it is like going on a journey with bag full of heavy stones.

We often tend to suppress pain, however this does not help.

Please take professional help if the memories are intense. I would also suggest Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is an effective and natural therapy.

Susitha
Law of Attraction, EFT and The Law of Attraction,Laws of Attraction,abundance and prosperity

The way to get self-confidence is to take on different activities in life and become proficient.

For example, you will feel better if you take up a couple of sports and participate with others on a regular basis. Tennis lessons, speedwalking, cycling, basketball, and so on. What you have a slight interest in. YOu don't have to love it.

In addition, hobbies like card playing. Be a great poker player or whatever,

IN addition, altruistic activities. Be a happy library volunteer. Play cards as a volunteer in a sheltered care environment.

Add activities to your life... be good at them... gain that needed cofidence.

Best wishes,

Hello, Baxter 2308 :)

You need to find a way to build your own personal power, and I agree with the posts above that say that you should be careful about being too self centred. It will probably be a very good thing for you to find somebody else to help and focus upon.

I also get the feeling that you had things and situations in your life before that made you feel good and happy. I think that you will have to ask yourself what those things were. What made you happy before? What did you like to do? What made you feel good? Would it be possible to make these things, persons or situations reoccur in your life today? If you think this will be difficult, try to sit down once a day. Play some calm music, lower the lights in the room, light an incense candle and just remember what was good. Try to recall the feeling you had in your body when you were happy. Try to smile, how does it feel? When you recall these memories you open yourself up to attract more of it. You let your body remember what it is like to be happy and your body will know how to react to happy events around you. Some of the reasons people around you are happy while you are not is that they know how to see joy in their lives, you have for some reason forgotten all about it. If you feel that this is difficult or impossible, you should try again the next day. You will probably have to work yourself through some resistance in the first place, but it will gradually get better. 15 minutes pr day will be enough.

If you have the chance, you should go out in nature every day. Start with half an hour, in daylight. The colors and substances from trees and plants are very healing and powerful.

OK, you are at the bottom right now, but in a while you will feel much better, you have to work on your inner power and you have to use babysteps, but you REALLY have the potential to get out of this.

I wish you all the best
Illion
Intuitive Counsellor