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Hi my name is chermaine I am married to the man that I am with for four years but sometimes I don't think that he loves me anymore because I cought some girl number in his cell phone and he called her every day since sept. and he told me that he didn't like her so I am trying to wonder what mass is this what do think...
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Originally Posted by neddy
Ask him why he's called her once a day since September. He's the only one who knows the who/what/why. I don't know his feelings on whether you should be checking out his cell phone but I guess all relationships are different - some snoop or look around, others do not.
Fool me once,shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Sorry to hear it.
So do you think he is cheating
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Originally Posted by neddy
I think you should ask him.
Talking to someone on the phone every day for 3 months seems like a close relationship to me. I have friends that I have had for 20 years that I don't talk to every day.
The only way you are going to know for sure if he is cheating is to come right out and ask him.
If he wants to talk with her, insist that he do it in front of you. If he can't do that, then obviously he has something to hide.
You want to know the mass? It is a big deal. I am a newly wed and I can tell you looking at someone cell phone is not snooping especially when he is your husband!! If he has nothing to hide he will gladly hand you his cell phone and tell you to look through it. Just the fact that you had to find out on your own he is talking to another woman makes him a cheater. Even if he has not done anything sexually with this woman he knows his conduct is inappropriate for a married man because he's hiding it from you.Quote:
Originally Posted by neddy
I'm no dr. phil,but I can tell you I've been with my other for 9 yrs. Neither one of us have numbers the other doesn't know about.do you always check his phone or did you just have a suspicion?ask him,is he defensive?do you live together?how much time do you spend with him?tough call... I'd investigate.
Firstly, if you have a great or good relationship and work issues out and don't sweep them under the rug... chances are he's NOT cheating.
I totally agree with checking his phone , calls, messages , etc.
I say , life is short... if he's cheating, better find it out NOW instead of waiting only to find out you've wasted months or years of your life.
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Originally Posted by RealEstateMandy
I would never look at my husband's cell phone, snoop through his wallet, any of that - and I would expect the same respect in return. If I want to know something, I ask - and the other way around.
I agree that if he's hiding it, there's a reason.
Why would your husband say that he doesn't like her? That sounds like someone being defensive to me. My next question to him would've been "why do you talk to her everday and what do your talk about"?
You know your husband and you should know if he's lying. Besides this, have you seen any change in him?
You need t sit down and have a talk with him in a civil matter. Have your questions prepare for him before hand and read his body language. If he can't answer your questions or refuse to answer your questions then give her a call and speak to her in a civil matter, if she talks to you. I would call her right in front of him.
I agree with the others for the most part. I doubt that in coming right out and asking him you would get an honest answer but as the others have said see if he gets defensive. Watch his body language and reactions better. Don't be accusing or nagging because then he will just hide things better.
I agree that it doesn't sound all that innocent for him to be calling her everyday either.
That he doesn't like someone he calls on a regular basis, begs some more answers, like why call then? So who is she?
Don't be put off by him, get the truth, tell him to invite her to coffee, or some other meeting. The issue is the truth, and on the subject of truth, how do you come across a females number on his phone?? You must have had a good reason, other than snooping right?
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Originally Posted by talaniman
I was trained very early to never ask a question if I didn't want to know the answer; also never snoop through other people's belongings unless you are prepared to deal with what you might find.
Even if this "girl" is a friend he would have mentioned her to you at some point. I know if my husband met someone he finds interesting and that I would get along with he would mention it or if it is work-related or whatever the case may be her name would have been brought up at one point or another. Since you found her number on the phone, noticed all the phone calls... he is being dishonest by "hiding". What would be the purpose of that unless he is getting emotionally involved (not to say he is physically involved)... emotional intimacy is also a form of cheating or thus a beginning to new adventures. It seems as though he is on the defense... but the question is how much do you really want to know? Are you ready to hear something you don't want to? Or can you accept his explanation and leave it be? Is he still in contact with this female?
I will tell you something... my husband (at the time boyfriend for 3-4 years) knows this girl named Barb from childhood... she ended up calling herself Barbie, stripped, worked at a tanning salon... at the time (now she has a family) and I was cleaning... in particular going through papers and finding receipts for the ending of tax year 2003-he stuffs everything everywhere and it still drives me nuts. In his unused wallet, I found a pink heart shaped note with her name on it and a number... I was pissed... who calls themselves Barbie and why hasn't he mentioned it? Moreover why did he hide it in an unused walled? What made me look there (I don't know... intuition led my fingers)? So I called the number to see if maybe it was incorrect and I was starting to get worked up over nothing... sure enough the bimbo answered and I asked for someone else... I had confirmation so I brought it up to him and he said "That's Barbra and I seen her at the tanning salon with my brother, she gave me her number, I haven't called, why are you looking through my stuff you prying b$#%h!" Well not the response I was thinking of getting... I couldn't understand it but left it be, but I knew at the time that he was seeing someone because he was coming home late after work with no excuse, had spent his money, left the room because of phone calls, found a open condom package in the work van, we had little sex, bought natural herbs for staying hard, blood in his pants (I wash all his clothes), buy me presents out of no where (Just because I love you), said he was somewhere and when I checked a minute later asked him where and he said he was at the location I was and then I say no, I am here and the van isn't... "oh I am at a friends house in parkland" "who?" "oh this guy ___, I'll be home in 10" and then an hour later comes home and runs in the shower. You know what I did, I went and bought a new wardrobe (we where dating so I had way more money to spend :), bought a membership at the gym, called a bunch of old guy friends, went out... oh and bought a done up Jeep... brand spanken new and silver... I started doing my own thing and ignored his calls as he did to me... show up at 11 p.m. or later and he got in my face I said well I have no idea what you do so late when you work with my parents but come home later then them and its Saturday night... what you think I am going to wait all night for you forget it! Its 3 a.m. and I am tired good-night. Anyway... he must have become concerned and let the relationship go because I was going in the direction of meeting other guys... I told him I was starting to feel different about the relationship and needed to go out. I know in my heart he cheated, I have no proof, I can't hold him to it and I love him enough to hope that he has learned his lesson and move on and get married. I can't think of that now... I let it go.
I guess it boils down to do you really want to know? Are you prepared to end the relationship if it is serious? Does he still talk to her? When does he talk to her? How often does he talk to her? Have you noticed any other indications that he is in fact cheating? If he is then what are you prepared to do?
You can take the suggestion of meeting for coffee or whatever but I can tell you that I bet you 98% that he won't go along with it. What if you can't get a straight answer? Can you just let it go?
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Originally Posted by xoxaprilwine
I must admit - you're a better woman than I am!
You are his wife, you are half of him legally and spiritually. If he has to hide something from you, It's wrong, and that's that. I know it probably hurts think about but he probably is cheating on you. Men don't just have Friends who are girls... and if this is the case, it means he's lacking intimacy with you, which is probably all he wants. Go to him sweetly and tell him you love him, touch him and tell him he needs to be honest with you about this girl. And if you are willing to forgive a possible affair between them, let him know there is a way out and that you will forgive him. Forgiveness is hard work, and he may not even think you will. Which may be reason for him to hide it for so long. People are not perfect and what you find out may make you hate him for a while. But just remember, he could have left you, but he stays, probably because he loves you, and believe it or not men NEED that intimacy to feel close to their partners. Maybe you guys aren't as frisky as you were in the beginning, or maybe he is truly a procrastinator and does want to leave.. either way, clearly let him know your half of it... and that he can be truthful with you because you promised your life to him, and mistakes will be forgiven... be patient, and loving, and remember that life is short and love is not something to take forgranted...
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Originally Posted by irishdingbat42
I agree with you in principle but I don't agree that men don't just have friends who are "girls." One of my best friends happens to be a male. I certainly don't text him/talk to him every day but there is nothing about cheating in our relationship.
I think husbands are also allowed to have female friends - it's the way they handle that friendship that's the problem.
Well I got to say he may be cheating , why,. well because there is no valid reason why he is calling her, have you ask him? It looks like he may be bored or he is just looking for something that he feels is missing in his life, may be a way out of something , the rutine perphaps, but you should confront him and ask him, and also if you are ready to hear the thruth , and if you think he is cheating and you know at front you are going to forgive him , tell him so, that way he will come clean and this may be just a wake up call for both of you to fix and fill what is missing in your relationship, before it's too late.
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