Reading other posts I realize that I'm not the only one dealing with a personality disorder at my age. It seems that other young adults are trying to figure things out and they are reacting the same way I do. I have been realizing that my behavior is not acceptable in terms of screaming at my parents or disrupting the whole house when I cry or slam doors. The thing is that I feel like I'm just missing something, its progressively getting worse. With every relationship that ends, or something else that I can't accomplish. I feel myself falling behind and even when I try to talk about how I feel I don't get any clarity. I've started talking to a therapist once a week, but I'm also scared to find out that I do have something real. I don't want to take medications, I don't want to be labeled as sick in the head. I talk to my father and he tells me that its just a process of growing up, but I don't see any of my friends going through the same things. They just know how to handle themselves better than I do I guess. But at the same time I hardly talk to anyone anymore. Can it be that they are having just as hard of a time as me and I don't know about it? Also from what others are saying, should my parents just kick me out? When I was 19 I think I had a better feeling about being on my own, but now I'm just really scared of it. I'm scared that I will just loose everything and including whatever little sanity I have left. Advice?

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Originally Posted by kb254

reading other posts i realize that im not the only one dealing with a personality disorder at my age. it seems that other young adults are trying to figure things out and they are reacting the same way i do. i have been realizing that my behavior is not acceptable in terms of screaming at my parents or disrupting the whole house when i cry or slam doors. the thing is that i feel like im just missing something, its progressively getting worse. with every relationship that ends, or something else that i can't accomplish. i feel myself falling behind and even when i try to talk about how i feel i don't get any clarity. ive started talking to a therapist once a week, but im also scared to find out that i do have something real. i don't want to take medications, i dont' want to be labeled as sick in the head. i talk to my father and he tells me that its just a process of growing up, but i don't see any of my friends going through the same things. they just know how to handle themselves better than i do i guess. but at the same time i hardly talk to anyone anymore. can it be that they are having just as hard of a time as me and i don't know about it? also from what others are saying, should my parents just kick me out? when i was 19 i think i had a better feeling about being on my own, but now im just really scared of it. im scared that i will just loose everything and including whatever little sanity i have left. advice?

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You have enough maturity to know you too often act out on your emotions in a way that makes life less interesting and rewarding for you and others. It's to your credit you can recognise that about yourself. Seeing a therapist also shows you have the motivation to want to turn that around and that you have enough common sense to know you need some guidance to help figure things out -- that's what becoming emotionally mature is about. Don't be frightened of what you find out about yourself in the process of discovering your strengths and weaknesses as that's the very thing that will help you to clarify what you are made of. Besides, you don't sound that scary :)

If you take it a day at a time at this stage, you'll know when you're ready to move out on your own.

Hi kb254,

Good screen name!:)

I would ask you this,what is the first thing you want to have settled,how do you think you will get the clarity to cope with it?

Honestly, it is not a question of "should" you move out, but "can" you move out.

Can you afford to live by yourself? Do you have a stable job that will support rent, food, electric, cell phone, water, cleaning supplies, cable (not necessary, but you get my drift), etc.

If so, then I would say yes. This would be a step towards "growing up." At 25, you are an adult.

But, if you can't afford it - if you don't have a financial stability where you can sign a year lease and know that you'll be able to provide for yourself, then no.

If you can't, then you need to have a financial plan - a savings - so that in a years time (or six months, whatever) you will be able to get a place of your own, or have a roommate.

Hey Kb what's up... I am 24 and I really know what you are talking about, for one I used to get CRAZY MAD as well... the last episode I threw a rock at my Dad... a huge rock :), anyway that was like 2 years ago and I have been kicked out of my house before because of my behavior, now I am a lot more controlled with my anger,as in I do not break things, and
Really that's a real small prob, cause you like me know that it is a negative thing to do with no positives coming from it, and that is the biggest thing reconizing.

As far as like should you move out... I feel that question, but like do you want to move out cause you want to, or because you are feeling social pressure (world) cause you are 25 living with parents, I also live with my parents, and I also was much more prepared when I was 19.. in fact, I feel like when I was 19 I was the best I ever have been, as far as self esteem goes.

I understand your fear too I have a lot of that.. my mom likes to say Reality is setting in, and reality can be scary. I know I am scared, scared like hell, just know you are not alone and that there are a lot of people like you and me in this world, not knowing what to do, not knowing where to go. I think all people have tendencies to guard their true feelings, or thoughts.

About you feeling crazy.. that is really normal, when you get depressed you think about non rational things, killing yourself... killing others (I have done this), I know in your head you feel different, but you are more human than anyone has ever let you know, its OK to think angry things when your angry, and sad things when your sad, and even crazy things when your feeling crazy, its not OK to act on any of it. Everyone and I mean everyone has non rational thoughts once in a while, people with depression have them much more.

I hate the thought of taking meds as well and in fact have not, even though I am less against it than I used to be, my ex took anti-depressants because she had tried to kill herself before I met her and she said it helped her a lot, and she only took them for roughly about 2 years and got off and was fine. I do not know though cause I have never taken them for just about the same reasons you have, but its more a pride issue with me being a man.

Life is yours, it will be what you do with it... the only thing I can say is that in all my years of my depression, I have figured out one thing about it... it lies and lies a lot, its going to tell you things are bigger and worse than they are, its going to tell you everyone's got it better, and most of all its going to tell you your not worth LIFE, it wants you dead, and you want to be alive... remeber that part of you that wants life and is positive that is just as much a part of you as anything else, the one that jumps over obstacles, finds ways around problems, solves, wants progression.

I know that side of you is suppressed right now, it is in me too, but I remember it I remember being full of life and even though I am no longer.. I refuse to give in.

Why don't you allow yourself the realilzation that you feel confused and angry... that pretty much describes most teen agers and those in their 20's these days.

Also, admit that you need to get in touch with what causes your anger to be so intense.

That's not a big deal; it just feels like a big deal to you because of the intense feelings in your head that cause you to see the world being against you. :)

Talk honestly to your therapist. Sort it all out.

Very best wishes, :)