Relationship falling Apart
My girlfirend says that she wants her because,she feels that I have insecurity issues,I found a draft that was saying that last night was magic and there after there was an sms from a colleague asking if she can go with him to a funeral and there after she says that her phone was used by her friend which is why she did not feel the need to delete and then I just lost and pushed her and I've never done that before and I was surprised myself that I ended up doing that,years ago when we were in tertiary she was pregnant and we were both young and did not know what to do and for me I had a year to go and my dad is very strict and told me that if I were to have a kid,he would disown and she that but at the end of the day I told her that it was her choice and then she had an abortion, I stay in pretoria and she stays in joburg and for to get there it took money which I did have!I had to look for money that day so I could go the next day and all of that is coming back as well and it happened in 2005,she once cheated on me and I found out and I went and did the same thing and there after I felt gulity and wanted to spite her and told her that I cheated as well and she was angry but it took years to accept that she did that to me and treated unfairly sometimes and remidning her of what she did and called her by names and now recenlty I found her with a colleague and with someone else in the car and the two of them were sitting in the back of the car and the other guy in front but the is actually married and has kid,but when I called her to tell her that I was coming she was avoiding my calls because we had a fight during the day at work(we work in the same place),she told me that I'm thinking wrong things and its pushing her away and that's whe nshe told me that she wants her space,sometimes she does not want kiss and I ended up doing something that I don't think she knows it yet, I ejaculated inside her and she does not know it because I know she wants to start family but she says not now and that we are ready to have a kid but before she used to be so anxious about me marrying her,now she always just gives me a cold shoulder and tells me that she wants her space,when I ask her if I can come through to spend time with her she tells me that she needs her space and she wants to be alone and tells me that there is nothing wrong that she is doing... and that I sohlud trust and says that she does not know what she wants and she is in the middle of wanting to be with and letting me go,please help