Ask Me Help Desk - What should I do?

Hello. I'm a 28 year old single mother of 2 kids and I just recently just had a baby November 26th and I chose adoption for my daughter. The thing is that I have 30 days in whether I want to change my mind or not and I don't know what to do. I can barely take care of the 2 that have already, but I'm making it. I just feel so depressed and I cry every single day. I feel so though she needs me. But I do know that the family will take good care of her but my motherly instint is telling me to get her back. My family is very supportive in whatever choice thaat I make. I just need some other advice before I finally decide because its getting down to the wire to make my decision. Can anyone please give me some advice??

I think you made a very brave choice and I commend you for that.

There are so many things to consider here ,I can appreciate why it would be overwhelming to you.

First of all I would revisit the question of why you opted for adoption initially.Clearly it was not a rash decision so I would reexamine what made you believe this was best.

There is also by now a family that has bonded with the baby and while that should not be your sole consideration I think it must fall into the mix somewhere

Then there are your other two children to consider.Can you give them the quality of life they deserve if you add another child to the picture? I don't just mean financially but emotionally. One mother.. three demanding children... it seems like someone is apt to be deprived of your time or your emotions.There is only so much one person can give as a parent.
I was a single Mom with two boys and no family help so I know how hard it is.

Its very hard to give advice here as I do understand how sad you must feel.It is hard to give up a child but it is also a very selfless act of love.

Your depression could be post postpartum and if it worsens I would discuss it with my GYN.

If you want to talk more... I have an ear... Many blessings to you during this difficult time.

Go find a man who nice to you and your kid one with a good job never been in jail or

Get some counseling!

That should have been part of your adoption package, really.

The feelings of the adoptive parents are NOT your concern, period. That's not your issue here.

You NEED to see someone who specializes in adoption counseling, and you need to see them ASAP.

Whether the adoption is really what you want is still going to be up to you, but you need someone to help you think through all of the conflicting emotions involved with adoption.

PLEASE please please get some counseling!

I thank you for your advice. I've suffered for post partumm before but I have a history of depression anyway. But my doctors put me on meds! I just think about herall day everyday and I can't get her out of my head, as much as I try. The reason why I chose adoption is because I don't have the money to take care of her and with the adopted family she does not have to worry about nothing. She's set. I just want to make sure that she is alrite and they are taking good care of her, and loving her. I thought about doing adoption the moment I found out that I was preganant. But sometimes I feel angry at the family because they have what I want and that's my daughter, but I can't be mad at them but that's how I feel somedays

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

I think you made a very brave choice and I commend you for that.

There are so many things to consider here ,I can appreciate why it would be overwhelming to you.

First of all I would revisit the question of why you opted for adoption initially.Clearly it was not a rash decision so I would reexamine what made you believe this was best.

There is also by now a family that has bonded with the baby and while that should not be your sole consideration I think it must fall into the mix somewhere

Then there are your other two children to consider.Can you give them the quality of life they deserve if you add another child to the picture? I don't just mean financially but emotionally. One mother..three demanding children...it seems like someone is apt to be deprived of your time or your emotions.There is only so much one person can give as a parent.
I was a single Mom with two boys and no family help so I know how hard it is.

Its very hard to give advice here as I do understand how sad you must feel.It is hard to give up a child but it is also a very selfless act of love.

Your depression could be post postpartum and if it worsens I would discuss it with my GYN.

If you want to talk more ...I have an ear...Many blessings to you during this difficult time.

Those are perfectly NORMAL feelings.

They're not going to go away anytime soon.

Adoption is hard--and it hurts. If you decide to let the adoption stand, I really recommend getting involved in a birthmother support group in your area. If you can't find one close to you, I know that there are SEVERAL of them online.

Your feelings are valid. It's okay to be upset and to hurt and to want to cry and to think about her all the time. That's NORMAL, and it's OKAY! Anyone that tells you that just because you CHOSE adoption means that it shouldn't hurt is an idiot. Of COURSE it hurts!

Please--I'll say it again--see a counselor. Please. It will help you more than you know.

Think, even picture it, HOW you can make it work. Ways and things you can do to make it work. Write lists of ideas like who is willing to watch her while you work, cut backs you can make on things you do money wise, list what problems you see arising.
Really think it through and make a list and see what outweighs to the point you know you can't.
Also you can most likely get things like WIC, LIHEAP, go to a food bank and other assistance to help out.
I had 4 kids and never had more than 12 thousand a year. It was hard but we made it. I always bought things from second hand stores or department store sales, yard sales and flea markets.