So my boyfriend and I are deeply in love but we come to disagreements about sharing control and my lifestyle. I am a exotic dancer and model. In the beginning of our relationship he accepted it and sometimes encouraged me. But now he hates it about me and tries everything from "kidnapping" me to breaking up with me to get me not to go to work. Last night we had a talk and he told me he has a plan for me:

1. to get me stop dancing in feb. when my car is paid off
2. to get me to stop modeling next year too
3. to get me back in school
4. to get me back in ballet

And last but definitely not least...

5. TO GET ME A BUTTOX REDUCTION (WHICH HE WILL PAY FOR)

Ok all his little plans sound nice and everything and sound like the right path I should be on and I'm happy he cares about me so much to have a plan for my future but Isn't IT MY FUTURE? Aren't I supposed to decide when its time for all that. He said I'm too weak minded to make the right choices for myself and he's here to guide me.

So my question is... do I do what he says? Will I end up better off if I do? Is he really trying to help me or hisself?

And about the butt reduction. He says my butt is too big and brings too much attention. But is that reason enough to suck it out of me? I like my bottom.

If he loves you, he wouldn't want to change you. I can understand his frustrations with you being a dancer.

As far as the modeling... I see there is nothing wrong with you being a model. It's his insecurities that don't want you to be a model.

But he wants to change your buttox? That is a big red flag.

What? He doesn't want guys looking at your nice butt?

In the beginning I could sense he was proud of my big bottom and would show me off but I don't think he expected us to last long. Now he has issues taking me around his friends and when we go out he asks me not to wear tight dresses or stretchy jeans. I understand because it attracts the wornd attention but getting rid of it?? Is it that serious?

What type of boyfriend is he by telling you that your butt is too big?! If you are happy with your butt then it doesn't matter what he things so tell him where to go.

I understand with your boyfriend been a bit off with the exotic dancing because obviously he doesn't want men leering at you.. but he got with you and he knew what you were doing with your life.. so why should he change it? If you love someone enough you accept them for who they are and love them no matter what the look like or do... so to be truthful to you.. I think there's more love coming from you then him.

I can understand the uneasiness with dancing but at the same time, you were completely truthful from the start and he knew the situation he was getting into.

Why should you stop dancing or modelling? Do you not enjoy doing these things?

Either way it should be your choice to change these aspects of your life.

Finally, as regards the buttock reduction - which I had to read a few times to be sure I was thinking the correct thing - was this a something you have expressed wanting to do before? It's your body and it's your decision to alter it in any way you feel fit and I get how you feel if you do. I have disproportionately big breasts for my body and have struggled with accepting them, and honestly don't even now. But screw that if that's not how you feel.

Make sure if you make these changes in your life you make these decisions. You are the only one that has to accept you.

If he doesn't he's not worth your time or love.

Have you taken time to think about how your life was before him? You loved your butt before him right? He doesn't want you getting attention from his friends let alone anyone else, so he wants to keep you under. Dont ever give up anything you enjoy for some guy who probably does the same controling thing to every girl that he dates... Guys always want to change someone so that they can have control... He's probably jealous or something... :D

My ex wanted me to stop dancing, but he loved spending all of my money, but hated the fact that I got attention.He thrived off bossing me around as if I were a child. As soon as I got rid of him, all of the stupid ideas that he put in my head left right along with him.

**Dont you see? He is trying to put you under the radar.**

:mad:Who the hell is he to tell you how to live your life, where you can/can't work, what you can and can't wear? He is doing more hurting than helping. Does he complain when you have money? Overall, if he had a damn problem with anything, he should have gotten his point across in the begining, instead of pretneding like he could handle it and acting like everything was ok. That is his fault.

Don't ever change who you are for a guy.

I agree with what everyone is saying here, but the bottom line is you have to want to change for you, not for anyone else. It is ultimately your decision if you want to make any kind of changes. No one should be making them for you.

1.<---- your happiness and confidence about your looks
2.<---- whatever your BF thinks.

Don't let him rule your life. But maybe talk to him about it if you can. Again it's your life to live out. If you like dancing, dance. If you like Modeling then DO IT! He is just trying to keep you down because he does not have enough confidence in himself to think that he can soar up their with you when your getting a lot of attention.