Its been two months since she had left. Two months before her twentieth birthday which was yesterday. We had so much planned and talked about are future with kids and our own place. Its still hard to believe she is gone and I never want to go to bed or even wake up. The worst part is I was away for army training. I still remember that day and it seemed so normal. Until I was called into my first sergeants office and he told me to call my mother. I called her thinking of course something bad happened and my fiancé was the first person I thought about and I prayed that she was OK. Things haven't turned out like I quite planned. People decide its fun to go drunk driving in the pouring rain with inoperatable headlights. The man hit her and it was instant. She suffered none but I suffer in pain for her. Ive been getting help but its just not the same when the person your getting help from doesn't understand because they have never been in the same situation. I need to talk to someone that understands and has been through this before. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm losing hope

Hi DW. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how much you must be hurting. I'm glad to hear you are getting counseling. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone can say anything that will make you feel better. It is going to take time. You have to just get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. I wish you all the best.

I too wish you the very best at this time. I am sorry for your loss. Losing someone that you share so much with is blinding and can be very painful. Allow yourself to feel it. It will take time. You may not find someone that can understand exactly where you are coming from, but talk it out. Keep talking talk to anyone that will listen and then when you are tired of talking and ready do something that she can no longer do. Think of her everyday, tell her stories and feel her. You were robbed and you are right to be upset. When you are ready maybe you can be apart of a group that can talk to AA groups or go to the prison and talk to people that are conficted. Victim impact... let it be known how drinking and driving destroys lives. I'm truly sorry for your loss and I wish you the very best. I don't know what your believes are but if you believe PRAY! God Bless

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Originally Posted by DWJONES

Its been two months since she had left. Two months before her twentieth birthday which was yesterday. We had so much planned and talked about are future with kids and our own place. Its still hard to believe she is gone and i never wanna go to bed or even wake up. The worst part is i was away for army training. i still remember that day and it seemed so normal. Until i was called into my first sergeants office and he told me to call my mother. I called her thinking of course something bad happened and my fiance was the first person i thought about and i prayed that she was ok. Things havent turned out like i quite planned. People decide its fun to go drunk driving in the pouring rain with inoperatable headlights. The man hit her and it was instant. She suffered none but i suffer in pain for her. Ive been getting help but its just not the same when the person your getting help from doesnt understand because they have never been in the same situation. I need to talk to someone that understands and has been through this before. I dont know what to do anymore and im losing hope

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I lost my husband last year. All of the anniversaries and holidays are going to be very, very hard for you - birthdays, Christmas, all of that. And believe me, I know pretty much how you feel. You and your fiancé were cheated and it isn't fair. This is not how life is supposed to work.

I'm sure in many ways it's been forever and in other ways it was yesterday. I can be pretty much OK - and I'm much farther along in the grieving process than you are - and a song comes on the radio and it's like having my heart ripped out. It is probably the same for you. Forever and yesterday, all at once.

This is about you, not me, but this is what my experience has been and I would guess it's pretty much the same for you - unless your counselor has actually experienced the loss of a husband/wife/fiance it's not the same - I lost my Dad. It was painful and still is - but not like when you lose your partner.

I stood at his grave and thought, "I'm the only one who has lost a partner, not a father, not a friend - a partner." They went home and had each other. I went home alone.

Do you have people telling you that your fiancé wouldn't want you to grieve like this, that she's in a better place, that she would want you to move on? All very empty words at this point, none of them helpful, all of them (to me) upsetting. No one knows what my husband would or wouldn't want for me, no one.

Very early in my grief I learned to take one day at a time - sounds easy and I know it's not, but that's how I got through it. I never looked beyond that day. I thought, "If I can just get through today ..."

My experience has been that the pain has not lessened but it brings me to my knees less frequently - what was a daily turning of a knife gradually became every other day or every third day or now once or twice a week. Sometimes I just have to get out and think of something else. Other days there is comfort in remembering.

I ache for you, I really do. This is not fair, you were cheated and you have no choice but to keep putting one foot in front of the other. The good part is that she didn't suffer. My husband suffered horribly and I am having a terrible time getting those weeks of suffering out of my mind. That doesn't change your pain or lessen your grief and I'm sure it's very little comfort.

The bad part is that your fiancé is gone from you - and it's not fair.

Peace.