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Can you guys give me some good tips on dating... Those of you that have experience and wisdom... when it comes to woman and dating.
I am 23yrs old... last relationship started in HEAVEN and ended up in HELL... I need some direction when it comes to WOMEN and how they think and what they want in terms of the perfect guy, and dating and relationships... WHAT TO DO... AND WHAT NOT TO DO!!
NOW THROW THE EXPERIENCE AND WISDOM ON ME...
NOW LAY IT ON ME...!!!
Have your own plan, your own life, and be willing to have a great time, but never get carried away, and give up your life, just share it, IF they act like they have some sense, and are cool themselves.
If they aren't, leave 'em alone.
Never give more to the relationship than they give to you. Also, dating is supposed to be fun. Don't take it for anymore than it is. Don't rush into "dating" expecting for this to be "the one." Just enjoy it for what it is and let things happen.
I like your answer, even though as a gay man I'm not the one to answer a question about understanding or dating women (ah, I don't think so!). But, what you wrote probably has application to gay and straight relationships. Not bad advice.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
R E S P E C T (just a little bit)
That's one answer anyway. Women don't all want the same things. They are not generic products like Tide or Snickers bars. But virtually all people want to be treated with respect and as individuals. So if you think there's a one-size-fits-all answer for "what women want," you are already off on the wrong foot.
What kind of women do you like? Smart? Average smarts? Lots of makeup and style, or more tomboyish? Athletic, artsy? Practical, dreamy? Independent or more of a follower? There as many kinds of women are there are kinds of men.
You can't be the perfect guy, but you can be a very good version of yourself. So first discover who you are and what you are. What kind of guy are you?
Oh... and as far as trying to understand women... never going to happen, just chalk that up as a wasted mission.
That's one of the problems I had in my past relationships especially my last. I guess because ima nice guy. And I tend to do more than what I should. Really good point.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
So far my dating life as me ending up being hurt.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
That has been a problem especially for my last relationship because she was the first girl that I truly fell for...Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Other words... just have FUN with it... and let things happen on their OWN...Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
True. Much like trying to figure out what men want. There's no single answer because everyone is different. A lot of people say they know, "men want sex," "women want status and money," or whatever. But none of it's true. Lots of men want to be taken care of more than they want sex. Lots of women want regular sex way more than they want a man "in control." And so on.
Bingo... Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.
Be honest and respectful to women, but never let yourself prioritize someone else's life over your own.
Do frequent reality checks during the relationship. Try to look at things from an objective view. Never let your head get so far into the clouds that you are missing the most obvious "red flags" that the relationship isn't going to work out. Take it with a day-by-day analysis.
The second that you are getting red flag signals, back off. Be unavailable. Pursue your interests that you probably have neglected for some time. If she really wants to be with you, she'll chase you.
A wise man once said, you will lose money chasing girls, but you will never lose a girl for chasing money.
Be yourself, and keep it real. If your honest with yourself, you can be honest with your partner.
Another important note that seems to have been left out is don't try to be perfect... you said "what they want in terms of the perfect guy. Perfect guys don't exist either do perfect women. Just let a girl except you for who you are. Know that our imperfections just drive us to better ourselves.
Don't make her life. Your life
simple as that.
always have a plan and a goal!
don't blow up because she does not show you the same effections as you would like
as we are all different and some of us show our love in other ways.
my best advice
is to just really relax don't over think things.
just enjoy yourself. Day to day with the girl.
don't make huge end of the world plans with them.
you are a nice guy so you got that down ;)
just be sure of yourself
and where you are going in life
and the rest will come.
by the way.. no matter how old you get ;) you never know. Or can tell what someone else is thinking..
Once you stop looking at dating. And relationships like. There is a guide to it all.
and trust in yourself and your own actions.
trust me there is no perfect guy
no perfect women
there is no perfect love
there is no best way to act
Relationships are a lot of work. For both sides!
and finding a person that is willing to work with you. Is the best thing.
even if you do everything right. It still does not mean it will work out.
because as you know. There are so many unknown variables in life!
that is why we must control the things that we can control!
and stop worring about the things that we can't control.
I agree with a lot of what's been said. First be yourself. Let the woman get to know the real you and get to know the real her. Don't rush it. You're still young. My brother just got out of relationship, he thought was going to be for the rest of his life, but he rushed it and I think frightened her away. She was ready for a serious relationship, she still had some growing to do and things to do with her life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23
Once you find that person who is on the same level as you are it will happen. You have to keep the communication line open and going and it has be on both ends, not one.
I am bypassing all the previous answers on here as I am sure I know the gist of what they are saying.
What you need to learn how to master is "attraction". There are key components in human interaction (especially between a male and a female) that will either increase or decrease attraction.
The key component here is CONFIDENCE. This is crucial. You must exude confidence and portray yourself as a high-value male.
EX:
Pretty girl sitting at the bar.
Guy #1: Hey there.. can I buy you a drink?
What's he really saying to her? Basically this: "I am a low-quality male... i am not confident in the fact that you will like me for me so I am going to attempt to buy your affection or show off to you that I have money and will spend it on you if you pay attention to me.
What is she thinking in this situation? Basically this: "Of course, you can buy me a drink. I brought money but I was hoping not to have to spend it. I knew I could depend on low-value males, such as yourself, to kiss my and buy me drinks all night thinking that you will take me home and "get some"... little do you know that I will simply use you for your money"
Guy #2: "you better hurry and buy me a drink before someone else does"
What is he saying with this? Something like "Im not your typical guy that is going to follow you around like a puppy dog. I am a high value male and you will have to show your value if you want my attention. And you better hurry because there are plenty other women out there that need a man like me." What is key here though is to NOT come off sounding like an arrogant pr*ck. You want to sound confident but in a funny sort of way... like you are playing with her.
What do you think she is thinking? Something like "what the f*k?? Who the h*ll is this guy? This definitely isn't the typical guy I am used to running into at the bar. I might not buy him a drink but he definitely has my attention"
Now this isnt some magical line that I am saying will work on girls at a bar... its just a concept being played out.
Bottom line: dont be a p*ssy... be confident, be funny, be yourself, be true...
I am sure I will get some neg rep for this kind of response from both males and females... a lot of them dont like to think this is true.. or if they do, they call it "playing games". Its not really, its simply creating opportunity. :D
No offense, but I think this is really awful advice.
That seems like an incredibly demeaning stereotype of a gold digging woman. Why would you want to even talk to someone like that, let alone date them? What she's really thinking if she's anything like me is, "I can buy my own drink, thanks. If you just want to talk, why don't you say something interesting instead of trying to obligate me to you right off the bat when I don't even know you?"Quote:
Originally Posted by DrJizzle
What is she really thinking?"What an idiot! I think I'll go home now so I don't have to deal with this self absorbed jerk. Maybe I can find someone more interesting online."Quote:
Originally Posted by DrJizzle
I suspect it's a concept that needs more development.Quote:
Now this isn't some magical line that I am saying will work on girls at a bar... its just a concept being played out.
Uh huh.Quote:
I am sure I will get some negative rep for this kind of response from both males and females... a lot of them don't like to think this is true.. or if they do, they call it "playing games". Its not really, its simply creating opportunity. :D
Seriously, Dr. Jizzle, 90% of women are not this stupid! The other 10%.. . Well, have fun. :)
As a woman, the thing I need the most out of a relationship is to feel like my problems and concerns are being listened to and addressed as a couple. A lot of times when someone brings up something they're concerned about we get emotional and react immediately in a negative way or dismiss the concern. I need someone who will try to understand where my concern is coming from, what could be making me feel that way, and then to in turn compromise and help me find a reasonable solution that is good/healthy.
Ok, well there is a difference in dating and being in a relationship. I didn't see anything in the OPs posts that suggested established relationships.
We are really dealing with 3 different phases of a relationship: meeting... dating... commitment.
I was starting with the meeting part. Regardless of what those less educated in experience and living in fantasy land (or forced to only meet people they feel are "in their league") have to say, this is the first crucial step. The first impression is crucial. You don't want to be labeled as a wuss.
Yeah, that may sound like all women are shallow... that's not the case. Its more so that a lot of men are pigs. Why does some attractive, confident woman want to waste her time with just some other guy that will most likely turn out the way they all have so far? I mean, how old are you? How old is she? Most likely she has been down that road with loser boyfriends far too many times and isn't too thrilled to go down that road again.
You have to set yourself apart from the crowd.. because you're not one of those typical jerks, right? The problem is that even the jerks answer that question with a "no" so you have to allow her to become aware that you aren't one of them on her own.
Once you are there.. once you are dating and she has shown interest, you have to continue the confidence. As was stated previously, you have to have your own life, your own interests, and your own opinions. You already have them just stick to them. A lot of guys, once they get to this point, show signs of weakness by becoming clingy... jealous... needy. What girl wants that? You have to be comfortable enough in your own skin to allow her to live her own life, too. This isn't high school anymore.
Once you are in a committed relationship... well, that's a whole 'nother thread...
As for some of the other approaches mentioned here, I challenge those that believe in them to go approach 100 of the most beautiful women you can find (I don't mean "beautiful" as superficial as you will probably take it) and find out what percentage of them actually respond positively to you.
Women are women and men are men... none of us really know what we want. We just want someone to give it to us.
I definitely have that quality... I have a really good heart...Quote:
Originally Posted by Noodles15
Be yourself, I can't say that enough.
When I was dating, a long, long time ago ;) the one thing I couldn't stand was a clingy guy. If you're calling me 10 times a day just to say hi, after a while I want to change my number.
Buying me a gift every time you see me, not good, makes me feel like I then owe you something.
I'm not like most women though. I hate having a guy open my door for me, I have two arms I can do it myself. I don't like guys that talk down to me because I'm a women. I have a brain, I went to college, before I became a mom I had a career. Talk to me, not at me, listen, you might just learn something. ;)
Just remember, we are women, we're not aliens. Treat a women the way you'd want to be treated and you should be just fine. Above all, never change who you are for someone, that will always blow up in your face.
Have fun, go out, meet people. You'll find Miss Right, sooner or later. :)
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