I was divorced in 2004. My ex met other women on the internet and then slept with them. I had all the computer downloads printed out but New York is a 50 -50 state. Fault means nothing.

The stipulation reads that he gets 40% of my pension (which will be on goingtill death ) and I get 50% of his ( which was an IRa and is quite small) He also gets money for me to buy him out of the house. (I might add that he had his own business and refused to bill any clients for two years until after the divorce. All the cash then went to him.

He has now disappeared. He signed the deed which his attorney has but won't appear for the house closing nor will he let his attorney go through with the closing without him. He has never filed the papers that he was supposed to do for my pension. It is going on five years now.

Does a stipulation ever expire if the other person disappears? I would retire now if he weren't going to take a large portion of my pension. Otherwise I face years more of work on top of my 36 years already. (he was fired from his one and only job after the divorce for accessing porn at work.) He now lives off other women, from what I have heard through his family.)

I am tired and would like to enjoy the years I have left instead of working for a pension that he might someday show up and collect.

PLEASE help. I am out of money for attorneys but own a home and am not eligible for Legal Aid.

If this is a court order from a divorce it will not expire, you need to find him, have him served or get back to court to get finished with filings

Let me give you an idea of how we would handle this in California and then you should consult with a NY attorney on how best to proceed (division of private pension plans is pretty much the same throughout the country however).

Deed to the house: I'm not sure what you mean by your husband not appearing for the "house closing" or allowing his attorney to do so. Even if you didn't have a deed signed you could simply record a copy of your divorce decree (in which you were awarded the house) or record the deed he signed that his lawyer has. This should clear title. If the lawyer refused you could you into court and ask the judge for an order that authorizes the court clerk to sign a deed on your husband's behalf giving you the house (we do this all the time in default judgments). Once you clean up the title to the house you can do with it as you please. If you owe him money in exchange for the deed (if that is what you mean by "house closing" )then ask the judge for an order allowing you to deposit the money you owe him to a trust account on his behalf with you being named trustee.

Pension plan: The division of a private pension plan in a divorce require a special order be prepared and submitted to the pension plan administrator called a 'Qualified Domestic Relations Order' [ODRO]. Without the order a non-employee spouse's interest in the pension plan is unprotected, irrespective of what a divorce decree says. In other words, if you are eligible to retire today, there is nothing to stop you from doing so and the pension plan will send you your entire pension check (including his share of it) until your husband submits the QDRO that tells the plan to do something different. There is no need for you to wait for him to submit the QDRO for you to retire. So why wait? He may never get around to getting a QDRO in and that's his problem.

IRA: You don't need a QDRO to divide an IRA so you could simply send a copy of the divorce decree to the plan administrator and ask that your share be rolled over into an IRA in your name. They should know the procedure to do that to avoid taxes and withdrawal penalties. That will free up some money for you right away.

To reiterate, if you want to retire don't wait for him to get a QDRO in. That's his problem, it's HIS risk if he never gets it in and HE is the one standing to lose from his delay. Also, at retirement elect a 'life-only" annuity. This will provide you a higher monthly retirement check and no survivor benefits to him if you predecease him. Once this election is made it cannot be changed. And you don't need his permission to make the election since you are divorced from him.

Thank you so very much. This gives me ideas to take to an attorney.
What I meant by the fact that I couldn't retire is that I have had to work so much longer to actually net what I would have had without losing the 40%. (He actually asked the judge if he could force me to retire so he could start collecting then. The answer, of course, was no.
One last question, if I may. Can he come after me for interest or back benefits? In other words, if I do retire in say 2011 and he suddenly wants his cut of the pension or the house money, can he come after me for the back amount with regard to the pension and/ or interest on both? At the time of the divorce, I had a bank commitment for a VERY low rate for a home equity loan to pay him what was "owed". It never went through the last step because his lawyer wouldn't continue with the closing nor would he turn over the signed deed. He did send us a copy of that deed, but of course the bank wouldn't give final approval without seeing the original. If I went for a loan now, the interest rate would be much, much higher. Shouldn't that come out of his share?
On a very positive note, his brother and sister loaned me the money, which I paid back when it was obvious he was a no show, to buy back my home. His family has not spoken to him since, but I maintain a loving relationship with them and we spend holidays together. They were a part of my life for many, many years. So I am very fortunate in that respect.

Thanks again. You have given me so much help.