Ask Me Help Desk - What is happening?

Ok so here's the deal my ex was talking about how she wanted to leave town all together for college and it really hurt me, I would try and say something to her but she would just be all passive and pretty much not care. We hadn't talked for about two or so weeks the other night I was just curious and I asked her if she was mad at me in an e-mail... all she said was she washed her phone and then she asked me if I still was working where I worked. I wanted to sort a few things out from the other night and I basically wrote to her that I still had a lot of feelings for her(I know wrong thing to do) and all she said was "i'm sorry i don't have the same feelings for you as you do for me. I've moved on. i'm sorry we can still be friends". It was a long night at work and I got very upset cause I poured my heart out only to get that response. I said that she was being a b!tch and ( I feel like a jerk ) she got so upset that she hurt me and about my comment and I wound up getting another e-mail a little bit after that said "that really hurt me i'm really sorry if i acted like a i didn't mean to come off that way and just so you know i decided not to leave i never knew you had it in you to make me feel like i'm sorry if i've hurt your feelings and i don't expect you to forgive me i would just like you to know that when i say "I've moved on" it means that i do't think about you every second but now it's down to every hour, i still think of you even when i try not to. I thought you quit your job because everytime i pass it i look for your car in hopes that i'll catch one glimpse of you. i can't write anymore i'm sorry, you've drawn me to tears, not that you care." AH! I thought things were over! What's happening?? I thought she didn't feel the same way!! Any help is much apreciated

It sounds like you should have left her alone. I'm sorry. Someone is not a b!tch because she has moved on. That's what you do after you break-up with someone. If she is your ex, and she wants to go away to college, she should be able to without worrying how you feel about that. You should stop talking to her so that you can move on too.

Wow that is not at all what happened. Did you not read the whole thing?

If you two were really close it was probably really hard for her to get to the point of being able to start to get over you. It didn't sound like she was trying to be mean she told you what she felt and you attacked her for it. So unfortunetly you most likley don't have a chance of getting back to her but you need to appolagize and maybe you can salvage a friendship, and you need to support her in her decision in going off to college.

It sounds like you are both misinterpreting each other and both hurt and lashing out in the way you perceive each others words. IF you want to work things out you need to humble yourself and tell her that you would love to have lunch or something together because you would like to know what she means by I can't write anymore I'm sorry, you've drawn me to tears, not that you care." AH! I thought things were over! What's happening??

Either she has it in her head that you don't want to be with her any more or she doesn't want to be with you and is trying to make it out like it is you that doesn't want to be with her.

OK we got some problems on here. She's not leaving to college anymore, she's decided against it. I don't know why but she has. I always told her that I'll support her no matter what her decesion. I apologized immediately after I found out I made her cry. Also she didn't say "AH!! I thought things were over! Whats happening?!?!?!" I said that as an end to my question cause I THOUGHT things were over but after she said that she still thinks about me and looks for me I got confused... maybe that cleared things up a little

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meatbag

ok we got some problems on here. Shes not leaving to college anymore, shes decided agaisnt it. I dont know why but she has. I always told her that I'll support her no matter what her decesion. I apologized imediatly after I found out i made her cry. also she didnt say "AH!! I thought things were over! Whats happening?!?!?!" I said that as an end to my question cause I THOUGHT things were over but after she said that she still thinks about me and looks for me i got confused...maybe that cleared things up a little

I did read your whole post, but thank you for doubting it. And I still stick to what I had said originally. I don't know what the reasons are for your breakup, but she is your ex and chances are if you got back together whatever reason you broke up would cause either a lot of fighting or another breakup. School is important and you should have let her go to school. Like I said, she is your ex. You can't control what your ex does. And there all these feelings between you two because you are still in contact. If you don't want to be confused anymore and you don't want her to resent you, let her do what she needs to do. College is very important. I know you probably don't want to hear this but I am honestly trying to help you.

I will agree, you assume too much into a relationship, and you hurt it worst by getting angry. This is actually common, I know it is not for you, but young couples in high school age seldom stay together for the long term, and often one will move off to college or got o college and meet new friends and more.

It is obvious she is planning out her life, looking to grow, mature and plan a future and you are basically just not in that plan for some reason

So what is your after high school plan, college ?

I had no part in her decesion I said whatever makes you happy you should do and I'll support you all the way cause I still care about you. And she basically says whatever. I told her she doesn't have to be a b!tch about it... and that's where I am. And she's NOT going away. She was always talking about LEAVING. But now she said she's STAYING. I was planning on moving on myself until she had that outburst of I still think about you when I try not to and I still look for you to try and catch a glimpse of you. That's what I'm asking about

I don' think you understand what I'm trying to tell you. You guys obviously have feelings for each other because you still talk. What are the reasons you broke up? If these reasons aren't fixed, or in other words if nothing has changed then leave her alone. Getting back together in this case is just going to land you in the same situation you're in now. Do you understand what I'm saying? It doesn't even matter that she's not going to college. If you guys broke up there had to be good reason.

I wouldn't read too much into her statement she was obviouslly really upset when she said that and I am sure that she does still think about you but she didn't say that she wanted to be with you so give her some space andmaybe when you two have had sometime to think things over you will be able to decide what would be best for your relationship and even if you still care about her you need to be able to accept if your relationship is over.