Engaged.but developing strong feelings for another man
I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years and we're engaged. We don't have a date set or anything... it's a long engagement... maybe more of a promise ring. Lately I've been falling out of love with him. I just don't feel the same passion as I used to. Little things get on my nerves. The sex isn't the same. I'm not as attracted to him as I used to be. He can be annoyingly childish sometimes and I feel like I need to mother him at times. There are good times too though. We have the same taste in entertainment. I'm just not physically attracted to him anymore. Sometimes he wouldn't be able to keep an erection, leaving me unsatisfied. I try to be understanding, but inside I feel frustrated. Like he's not the right one for me. And then he would cry about it and feel like crap because he can't get hard, and that just disgusts me more. Not to mention I didn't like him as much as he liked me before he asked me out. I just eventually fell in love with him. Maybe we met too young. We started dating in high school.
I've been falling for another guy. I feel awful about it. I get butterflies in my stomach whenever he's around me. I get really nervous talking to him.. but I'm more flirtatious than I would've been a long time ago. I used to be really shy. I feel nervous but at the same time we have so much in common it's like we've known each other for a long time. I can be myself around him. I think he likes me too. I catch him looking at me a lot and sometimes he'll blush when we talk. We work in the same place. Once the break room was very crowded so he had to scoot closer to me and our legs touched.. he didn't move his leg. I noticed he kept blushing and was a bit jittery. This gave me chills. Even if he doesn't have feelings for me or wouldn't pursue a relationship were I single... the fact that I'm feeling such intense feelings for someone else scares me. I've been in this relationship for so long... sometimes I feel maybe that's why I'm still in it. Because I'm scared of change. I know it's not fair to my boyfriend that I feel this way. But I find myself thinking about this man most of the day. I fantasize about him. Thinking about him during sex is sometimes what I need to get off. I just don't know how to break it to my boyfriend. I don't know what to do. :(