I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years and we're engaged. We don't have a date set or anything... it's a long engagement... maybe more of a promise ring. Lately I've been falling out of love with him. I just don't feel the same passion as I used to. Little things get on my nerves. The sex isn't the same. I'm not as attracted to him as I used to be. He can be annoyingly childish sometimes and I feel like I need to mother him at times. There are good times too though. We have the same taste in entertainment. I'm just not physically attracted to him anymore. Sometimes he wouldn't be able to keep an erection, leaving me unsatisfied. I try to be understanding, but inside I feel frustrated. Like he's not the right one for me. And then he would cry about it and feel like crap because he can't get hard, and that just disgusts me more. Not to mention I didn't like him as much as he liked me before he asked me out. I just eventually fell in love with him. Maybe we met too young. We started dating in high school.

I've been falling for another guy. I feel awful about it. I get butterflies in my stomach whenever he's around me. I get really nervous talking to him.. but I'm more flirtatious than I would've been a long time ago. I used to be really shy. I feel nervous but at the same time we have so much in common it's like we've known each other for a long time. I can be myself around him. I think he likes me too. I catch him looking at me a lot and sometimes he'll blush when we talk. We work in the same place. Once the break room was very crowded so he had to scoot closer to me and our legs touched.. he didn't move his leg. I noticed he kept blushing and was a bit jittery. This gave me chills. Even if he doesn't have feelings for me or wouldn't pursue a relationship were I single... the fact that I'm feeling such intense feelings for someone else scares me. I've been in this relationship for so long... sometimes I feel maybe that's why I'm still in it. Because I'm scared of change. I know it's not fair to my boyfriend that I feel this way. But I find myself thinking about this man most of the day. I fantasize about him. Thinking about him during sex is sometimes what I need to get off. I just don't know how to break it to my boyfriend. I don't know what to do. :(

You have yourself in one heck of a pickle, but you need to make your choices before a wedding so you need to sort through these feelings.

I don't condone your feelings for another man while you are in a committed relationship. You are attracted to the newness, the excitement, that physical attraction because you are in a routine with your partner. Routines are easy to adjust and it's not hard to fall back in lust with your partner, but it takes devotion and commitment.

If there has been this long of a standoff for the marriage is there a reason?

When one girl gets feelings for another boy

While she has a boyfriend of her own..

That makes me a saaaad panda!

Sorry could not resist that :)


Ok well. Tell your boyfriend how you feel. And break it off with him
It sounds like you are over him.

But please break it off with him before you cheat!
Be honest with your boyfriend
Talk. And see how things come out

Just remember this

All relationship change. They all lose that spark! If your going to fly off the handel just because some guy makes you panties wet.. then maybe you are not ready for marriage. And should probable just stick to dating till you get all those ichy feelings out the way k


All the best

I don't necessarily blame you for having feelings for another man because you can't control how you feel about someone. However you can control how you act upon those feelings and while you are still with someone you have to stop flirting etc. with this other guy.

As for your current BF , if you feel that it is a lost cause and there truly is no chance of fixing the relationship I suggest you break it off with him for both your sakes. Not because you have feelings for someone else but because the relationship is broken and can't be fixed.

Then you need to stay single for a few months until the emotional dust settles and you don't just get into something to fulfill the void ( a rebound )

Good luck whatever you decide!

Sounds to me like you just want a new scene, something new, fun, unfamiliar and exciting.

You have a BF, your engaged! You know so much more about your BF than you could ever even guess about with this other guy. It could be that after you get past the physical attraction stage that you won't even like this new guy. Your baseing your life off those little butterflies in your stomach, does that sound like a good idea to you? If you don't like how your BF looks at the moment get him into the gym. Let him know what your problems are so you two can sort them out. Sounds like you need to just go back to basics and COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE.

Its okay to have those feelings, and even to fantasize, as long as you don't get carried away, and overstep the boundaries of good and fair behavior.

All couples go through that rut period, and it leaves us open to outside distractions. The cure is to work with your guy, through honest communications, and see if you can resolve your issues together.

If not, at least have the decency to set him free, before you hurt him worse by cheating.

Don't cheat.

You either work with your current guy or you break-up. You need to make a decision before your married.

I think if you work with your BF through the physical problems and tell him exactly how you are feeling then it will work. If he is letting himself go... tell him he needs to go to improve himself physically. I'm sure he will be more than willing to put work into getting this relationship right again.

If nothing helps... then it is probably best to let go.

Feelings and tastes change as we get older. It all a part of developing as adults. That's why you get a crap load of people getting married at 18-23 and a crap load of people getting divorced at 27-32. The late teens through early 20's are a critical part of our lives that defines who we are and who we like as adults. As a result people go through MAJOR changes that affect many aspects of their life.

Okay.. My advice would be to just take some time on your own, without either of them. Then talk to your boyfriend when you know what you need. Defiantly don't act on your feelings for this other guy. You will feel terrible. If you have fallen out of love with your fiancée you still owe him and the relationship you have had, the truth, whatever that is :p

Hope it works out for you.

Have you and your boyfriend talked about your problems?

You should definitely take some time for yourself and decide what you want to do.

It doesn't sound like you are ready for marriage though! And if you really feel there is no way this relationship can be fixed then it is better to break it off, for the both of you? Personally I feel one knows when your done with a relationship (and yes that sounds really really harsh)

And those feelings you have are natural. Hehe just don't act on them

You may need to call the engagement off.

But - not before you honestly confront the situation and determine if this other guy is exciting for substantive reasons or just because he is new. You seem to have an otherwise good relationship with your fiancé, and you owe it to yourself and the relationship to try and work through these issues. If he responds well, you may find that you misjudged the situation. If not, you can then hold your head up and say that you tried to do everything you could.

I told him I've lost the attraction. He was very upset of course. I think it might be over. I didn't want it to end up being a divorced marriage. It's not fair to him. I feel awful. I think I just need time on my own to grow as a person. If it's meant to be then we'll be together someday. If not... then I hope we'll each find the right people for us.

You did the right thing honesty is always the best policy... doesn't make it easy though

You did a good job in telling him..

It hurts!

At leats you stopped it before it went to far.

It's a sad situation and I feel for you. However gut feelings are generally correct in these situations.

Just a word of warning though , you will now feel a void in your life for a while as you were in a situation that became familiar to you.

Don't go falling into the arms of this other man just to fill that void , give yourself some time to grieve and heal , then you will be in a place where you can make that sort of decision without any emotional interference.

I think I made a hasty decision. We're communicating and we're going to make it work. I love him so much. I will just stay away from the other guy and ignore him. I think I just go distracted. A good five year relationship shouldn't be tossed out without even trying to work on it. We're going to exercise together and be more spontaneous. I think I just got bored of routine. But that's how relationships get once in a while. I feel so stupid for letting myself go so crazy. I love him and I want to be with him :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sadpanda

i think i made a hasty decision. we're communicating and we're going to make it work. i love him so much. i will just stay away from the other guy and ignore him. i think i just go distracted. a good five year relationship shouldn't be tossed out without even trying to work on it. we're going to exercise together and be more spontaneous. i think i just got bored of routine. but that's how relationships get once in a while. i feel so stupid for letting myself go so crazy. i love him and i want to be with him :)

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I really hope it works out for you.
Good Luck

All the best ;) fighting and working together is what relationships are all about

Good Luck!

I hope it works out! :)

I'm glad that you aren't one of those girls that just jumps to the next best thing, my comments weren't going to be so nice but I'm glad you are giving the guy a chance.

For the future, Don't put yourself in situations where you can become more open and loving with other men, if you don't put yourself in those positions the problems will never happen.