Ask Me Help Desk - Confused about a girl

Confused about a girl

Ok so I had a girlfriend who was living with me for all most 9 months of a 1.3year relationship. I know we moved to fast to move in together but she really didn't have any place to go. So a month agow it got to a breaking point in our relationship. I ended up breaking up with her. Now that were broken up she is living with a friend of her's. I didn't talk to her for a few days. After that she started to call me wondering if I could come hang out with her... I thought to myself that it wasn't a good idea but after some thinking I went anyway. It felt like nothing had changed but everything had. A day or so later I realized that I had made a horrible mistake and was being very selfish and only worrying about me in the relationship. So I told her how I felt and asked her if we could work on our relationship so that we could be back together. She agreed that we both need to change key things in our relationship and that it wouldn't happen over night. So a few more days go by, we see each other 1 of the 4 days. Everything seems to be going OK until she tells me that she met a guy. I was cool with that but ever since she started talking to him she doesn't really seem to have time for me anymore. Then a week agow she calls me to chill. I come over we chill I'm about to leave and she grabs me and throws me on her bed and has sex with me. I was kind of in aww that it happened. After that I got these feelings that we were together again and I started acting really controlling because she was talking to that other guy. She assured me that nothing was going on with him and that she didn't really know what she wants right now. So I say that's fine I'll give you your space to figure out what you want. I don't call her for a few days then she calls me askes me to come over and talk to her and the same thing happens we end up having sex again. Now I'm really confused what she wants. I mean does she just want me for my thing or does she actully have feelings for me. I just feel like I'm stuck in the middle of something that I have no control over.. any help or suggestions would help me out a lot

Thanks everyone

She doing what a lot woman do burning both ends of the candle,because they are worry about them self and not you or the other guy. Stay away for awhile because if the stay and she picks the other guy it will hurt much more. Let her think that you don't care it work's all the time. This the other guy don't matter is a crock. Ps I been their.

Stop giving her space
Tell her its you or the other guy
If its meant to be she'll agree, if it isn't meant to be she will probably say not to control her or something.

She is using you. If she really wanted her space or if she really wanted a relationship it wouldn't be so on again off again.
She is with this other guy now, whatever she wants to call it, it is not a I am with you. So as long as she is with the other guy stay away. She says they don't have a relationship. How do you know did the other guy confirm this?
You are only getting yourself caught up in a confusing mess if you run to her every time she has a whim to be bothered with you.

She's using you. Don't let her do that to you. You deserve better.

I think you've hurt her a lot and this is her way of punishing you, are you sure there even is another guy?

Yea I'm sure there is another guy. I do feel like she is using me but I know that this other guy isn't really around where she lives. She tells me I need to change things in my life that have caused problems. Drugs being the main one then being controlling. She has told me that she doesn't want to be hurt again like that. I can understaind where she is coming from but at the same time this is just hurting me more knowing that I'm trying to work on our realationship but all she is doing it flurting around with another guy.

I am 24 years old she is 27 she is in a different place in her life than I am and I know that. I know she doesn't want to wait around for me to change. But what do I really need to change?? I think that may be a cop out just to not be with me. And for her to get what she wants and not feel bad doing so. Any suggestions ?

She swares up and down that she wants us to work and that she loves me. But she says she thinks that I need to get my together before that happens. And that it could take months to be there then she tells me she doesn't want to wait because she's older than me and she has waited for other people in her life that have never changed. That I understaind. It's been about a month sice we broke up and we have had sex 5 times since then. I really want to be with this girl but I'm not to sure about what she wants and I don't think she does eather. I would spend the rest of my life with this girl. I'm just worryed she doesn't feel the same way and just wants to hurt me because I hurt her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quadman

I am 24 years old she is 27 she is in a different place in her life than i am and i know that. I know she dosn't want to wait around for me to change. But what do i really need to change??? I think that may be a cop out just to not be with me. and for her to get what she wants and not feel bad doing so. Any suggestions ?

My, nobody changes only time changes you are who you are.You can only be aware for a time then when you are relaxed you will go back to who you are.

Seriously, she might be using you, but I think she's just hurt. And you do need to tell her that its you or the other guy... and if she refuses then you need to take care of you. Besides she is sending you conflicting messages: change, it can take months... and then change, but I don't want to wait!

If she can't work on the relationship with you, like you are now... then I really think you should forget about her and move on!

I am going through pretty much the same thing with my boyfriend except there is no other guy. I keep trying to explain to him that I am not getting back with him because he is not proving to me that things will be different. Even if he tries to make things right I feel I can not trust him because once he feels he has 'convinced' me he will revert back to his same old patterns. So all I can say is if you really want her back you are going to have to really take a deep look inside and make the changes or else you might as well let her go.