I'm not sure what to do in this situation but I became really good friends with a girl this summer and we hung out a lot. I honestly have no idea what happened but lately we don't hang out. I just really miss hanging out with her. We had a lot in common and would always be laughing about something. Now every time she says she's going to come over she "forgets" and apologizes to me the next day. So what do I do? She knows I miss hanging out with her. Do I just cut my losses? I realize I can't make her want to hang out with me. Even my husband asks me why we don't hang out anymore and I honestly don't know what to tell him.

It wouldn't suck so bad, but I lost A LOT of friends after high school because most all of them moved away to go to school. Well, none of them came back. The ones that are still here only care about getting absolutely drunk every weekend and I'm not into that as much.

Have you ever asked her if she is upset with you or doesn't want to be friends?

I know when I was in my 20's I could never understand why my friends never had time for me. Then I got involved with many things that kept me busy or I just never felt like going anywhere or doing anything. Especially after I got married and had kids I realized why many of my friends never had time.
Now I am in my 50's I still can say they are my friends and I can go visit them any time I want but they never call or visit me. Most oif my friends I haven't seen in 1 to 3 yrs or more.

With you on not wanting to get drunk every weekend, Zoe.

I think you get lucky if you meet one or two people you genuinely feel a strong connection with during different phases of your life. It's often about being in places where you meet people you have something in common with, and the timing. Your timing as much as theirs.

If you haven't already, maybe let your friend know you can always be there for her to go out and have some fun with, or if she ever needs someone to talk to. She's likely to remember that.

I have talked to her. Told her I miss hanging out with her. She said she was sorry, didn't know what was wrong with her lately but that she feels bad... don't know... she's not mad at me, that's for sure. She's made that very clear. She's also not one of the friends that's into partying so much, which is why I really value our friendship. We have a LOT in common...

Don't know... it's really difficult to speculate about how someone else is feeling. What does she mean by 'feeling bad'? Is that because she feels she's disappointing you or because she's feeling down at the moment?

Some people get their energy from being around a lot of people while others tend to need to withdraw for a while to reflect and revitalise their energies. I have a close friend who prefers to spend most of her time on her own, and she's wonderful. We don't see a lot of each other, yet we really understand each other and can catch up quickly. She likes to walk around the art gallery where we do most of our talking. The art on display is just background to our conversations. She's really good company, that way. So I don't know, maybe your friend wants your friendship but doesn't need to spend as much time together. It's possible I'm reading you both all wrong... what do you think?

I have no idea. We used to hang out maybe 2-3 times a week and then it was once a week. She would go out to local restaurants with friends on Friday and she would invite me to come out, but Fridays are hard for me to want to go out because that's one of the only days I have with my husband. I've explained that Fridays are hard and if he wants to come out with me I'll be there. She understands that and sometimes if he's tired I'll go out without him but she always says we can get together on the weekend and then I don't hear from her. It just hurts because I thought we were really good friends. She said she felt bad because she wasn't being reliable lately.

Enjoy the time you do spend together and don't push her for more.
She may end up feeling like she is pressured and obligated and back off more.

Lol. I haven't pressured her at all because that's absolutely what I don't want. I'm just kind of going with the flow right now.

I can understand your disappointment but then I tend to agree with NoHelp, in as much as you could enjoy the time you get together and have fewer expectations on the friendship.

It's not unusual to spend a lot of time with a new friend in the beginning while you're getting to know each other and to go through different phases of seeing a little or a lot of each other over time. With some friendships you might not see other for years, then all of a sudden you get in contact and catch up. It's actually kind of nice once you get to the stage of having known each other for a while, knowing you can call on each other occasionally. As long as you don't lose contact altogether, she sounds like a fun friend to have around.

I agree with NoHelp too, but I don't have that many expectations. I don't expect to see her all the time, but when a friend says she wants to hang out, what I expect is follow-through. Does that make sense? It's not that I expect her to spend all her free time with me.

Yep, that makes sense. She's letting you down by being unreliable, which is annoying because your expectations are being constantly set up, then let down. I think most people hate that. If she's like that with you, chances are she's like that with everyone else, so try not to take it too personally. You don't have to like it though. Maybe you can do a bit of distancing and hope she gets the message that it's not how you treat your friends.