I am hurt by a break up and trying to sort it out
I dated this guy for a bit over 3 months. When I met him, he was upfront with me, waiting for his divorce to be final, but the marriage was over years ago and they only stayed together for their kids.
I started dating him the first few weeks as a friend - slow... having him work around my schedule - he was winning me over by communication about how much he liked being with me and how much more he wanted to see me! We discussed my worries that there would be problems with the finalization of the divorce, he discussed it with me and with his closest friends to give me some validation about my concern. He believed we were just so good for the other that it was going to be fine if we kept up the communication. We could only make our relationship stronger/healthier.
For three months there was not one obstacle and we had an incredible time together. We wined, dined, traveled a few times locally and had nothing but laughter and smiles. We talked about how rare that was and treasured each other while not taking the other for granted. We both agreed neither of us had a relationship full of such happiness in just being with another person in our lives. We averages seeing each other 2 days a week 3 if we went on short trip a weekend I made free to him.
All was working out perfectly when he told me a week after Thanksgiving that he hit a wall, he did not see our relationship going anywhere and he did not love me.
He told me this all came up over Thanksgiving for him when he visited friends and had more discussions on how he was doing with his life, new job, and upcoming divorce.
He reallized he had to tell me because he was not being fair to me.
When I asked him his definition of Love - he could not give me one. When I asked him why his actions up to this point were a contradiction of everything - he could not answer and in a way agreed.
I wish I just walked away as I started to from the moment he told me, but he stopped me to talk and said he did not expect us to break up, he did not plan this, his life at this time was out of his control (he had run in's with his soon to be ex and she is messing with him now as the ending gets near) and he just realized these feelings.
We had agonizing discussions that lasted hours discussing our months together from A-Z and as calm and collected as I have been throughout our relationship I broke down from the exhaustion of going over everything and cried. He did not deserve that, but I was devastated and I did not know what to do.
It was less than weeks earlier he asked for more time with me, I am a busy single working mom, and I found ways to give him more time after trusting him. We had been discussing the upcoming holidays and he re-arranged his schedule to accommodate mine with his visitation. We were just in sync and making it work. Then he hits me with this.
I told him he was losing my faith and trust by not discussing it with me before friends was a slap in the face. He looked shocked by my statement. He looked like a deer in the headlights as he said he was sorry so many times I had to ask him to stop saying it.
It goes on and on, up and down like a roller coaster of words and emotions.
He held on to me and my hand like nothing had changed, he even said if we made it through this our relationship would be really strong. I was numb by the end and could barely speak never mind walk away gracefully, I realized at the moment I was leaving that I had let him become my world since I met him, but not letting him completely know it. I feel so devastated. I trusted him and believed in him because he was consistent, considerate, a gentleman, and communicated well with me.
He even called the next day - it was idle chit chat about our day with our children. I ended the conversation with "I am going to go now - have a good night" he said "ok sweetie - you to."
That was the last I heard from him. That was only two days ago.
I had given my ex my children for all holidays since I met him including the upcoming ones because we discussed wanting to be together for them, making plans for small get-aways. Just time is all we wanted to have from/with the other.
I am so confused. I am 99% sure it is over though neither of us formally made that clear. I did tell him it was once, then took it back during the exhausing conversation by saying I did not want things to go this way. He said he did not either.
So here I am confused and hurt more than I thought I could be. I have been divorced for a few years so I felt ready to start a relationship.
Sorry so long but it does not even cover the half of it. Other than we had incredible moments even as we walked away from the other, but now we are not together.
Any help/advice is so appreciated. I have never written one of these before. I need support from experience.
Thank you - and sorry but the spell check won't work and I am typing from emotion.
