Last night I told my boyfriend I loved him and he said that he cared deeply for me and that it's not that he doesn't love me, but that he can't say it right now. We broke up a couple times this year, and have only been together for nine months. But it still hurts... I mean, how do I reconcile these hurt feelings without doing anymore damage to the relationship. I said I loved him and now he has the power to hurt me... He said he is not running off looking for other girlfriends, it's just that we have some things we need to work on and that I should let everything happen naturally. What does that mean? We are in a long distance relationship where he lives seven hours away and I am poor and disabled so I can't drive up and see him right now, but he doesn't even bring up coming down and seeing me. I have asked him and asked him and he just dodges the issue and tells me to "make him wistful," so that he WANTS to come see me. I mean, shouldn't he want to come see if he care about me at all??

I am a deserving intelligent woman that deserves to be loved and honored, and he is not doing a whole lot of that, accept "sticking around" and calling me every day to see how I am doing, but not making any plans to actually visit or see me on the holidays or anything. He has a job in retail that is holding him back a lot and he is also suffering from a physical illness right now that is terrible, so maybe I am being a bit harsh. But is has been months and I haven't seen him and he isn't reciprocating my love, what do I do? How do I make him "wistful?" And how do I handle the fact that I put myself out there only to be semi-rejected?

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Originally Posted by peanut_oil

I am a deserving intelligent woman that deserves to be loved and honored, and he is not doing a whole lot of that, accept "sticking around" and calling me every day to see how I am doing, but not making any plans to actually visit or see me on the holidays or anything. He has a job in retail that is holding him back a lot and he is also suffering from a physical illness right now that is terrible, so maybe I am being a bit harsh. But is has been months and I haven't seen him and he isn't reciprocating my love, what do I do? How do I make him "wistful?" And how do I handle the fact that I put myself out there only to be semi-rejected?

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Make him wistful? HUH? Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't, you can't force him to want to be there. You said it yourself, you DO deserve to be loved and respected. Give him some space and give yourself the opportunity to find someone who deserves you. It sounds like it's time for the "we need to date other people" line. He sounds like he's trying to find a gentle way to break up but that's just guessing based on what you've written. Take your future into your own hands, it's going to hurt but we learn something from every failed relationship. You seem to want someone who will spend time with you and value you, it's time to look for that person. There are a lot of great single guys out there looking for someone to love and spend time with. There's no reason to cling to a man who isn't treating you right. Find someone who spoils you that you can spoil in return.
Ber

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to begin with. Long distance, he doesn't visit, nine months. For a deserving intelligent woman you aren't behaving as such. Time to end the relationship.

He is a phone buddy nothing else. Stop expecting so much, from someone who does so little.

I believe if he really likes you, he would eventually come to visit you.
We can't force other to love us, if they are not the one.

I'm curious to know the reasons you broke up twice in 9 months? Even if you lived in close proximety, that would be two too many times, within that span of time.

He said that there are things to work on and to let things happen naturally. You said "what does that mean?" That means... there are things to work on and to let things happen naturally!! You are not listening to what he says! When someone says something bluntly like that, BELIEVE THEM! They are telling you what they mean! In other words, work on your stuff, let him work on his, and back off!

"I said I loved him, and now he has the power to hurt me" Who is giving him this power? You! He only has that power if you let him have it!

I think you are crowding him and acting way too needy and clingy, even if it is long distance. I believe by him saying make him "wistful", he likely means, let me breathe for goodness sakes!

He probably does care what happens to you, but if you don't leave him alone, that is where you will find yourself.