I just found out that my daughter has been cutting herself for the past several years. She hasn't opened up and talked to me about anything important or signifcant in years and I discovered this quite by accident. I have tried to talk to her about it but she "doesn't want to talk." I have offered to arrange for counseling for her - for both of us - whatever she wants but she "doesn't want to talk about it." I'm thinking she is in serous emotional turmoil and pain if she is doing this to herself but I do not know how to help her. She is 18 so there's that "I'm 18. You can't tell me what to do." aspect to all of this as well. I don't know what to do. What can I do to help her?

Self-Injury

This site might help you identify the causes and possible avenues of treatment for her AND you.

In order to help her you need to find boundries to assist you from compromising your emotions and enabling her to continue to do this.

Your education is just beginning,hers is going to be a long time coming,it'll start after you have a grasp on the situation and are able to accept her for what she is doing,why she does it,and the treatment involved in addressing it.

I hope she (and you) are strong and can see your way through this.

KBC

From a teen's point of view, maybe she just needs attention. Like special attention. Tell her you love her because (please don't take this personaly) maybe she doesn't feel like your around enough or she just can't connect with u. if my mom found out about my problems, she's b the last person I'd want to know because were not all that close. Just let her hang out with her friends more (to put her in a posative environment and help her forget her problems) and give her her space. If its bad (and you'll know when it gets bad) consiter counsaling but for right now, she'll get out of this. I know this knowledge hurts but this is really her business and I'm pretty sure its temporary even thoh its been going on for years, she couldve stopped for years and started back up again right before you found out. She just needs time. She's got her reasons for doing this.

Don't force her in to talking, I know how hard that is to do, but it won't help either of you, just let her know your there for her and that you love her because that's probably what she needs most. Don't force her into counciling either, it won't be able to help her until she's ready to be helped. I used to cut, and for me it was a copeing mechanism, but it swings into this negative cycle, youh get depressed and youh cut, you feel guilty for cutting anf you get depressed... the most important part of my recovery was knowing people where there, knowing someone was willing to listen but that didn't force me to talk. Having that knowlage eventually gave me the courage to speak out and ask for help.
Im guessing you feel pretty desperate right now, so try, subtly I might add, introducing her to ToWriteLoveOnHerArms, it isn't a cutting chairty and doesn't offer direct advice, but what it does do is tell stories of hope and recovery, you might find it helps you too.
Remember too that cutting isn't the same as a suicide attempt and isn't linked with death at all, its usually done as a coping mechanism or cry for attention, not a way of getting out.
Most imporatntly though, don't blame yourself, cutting happens for all sorts of reasons, and as long as she knows you love her, your giving her the biggest, most amazing gift anyone can give another.
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Much love.
x

RescueIsPossible.

The negative cycle thing is the worst part.

Don't accentuate it by increasing her sense of guilt about it.

Here is another fantastic site that has helped me through the years. secret shame (self-injury information and support)

I used to self harm and my mother never found out. I still fear she will to this day. My biggest fear is clothes shopping, especially dresses.

I went to extraordinary and convoluted lengths to avoid discovery. Give you daughter some time to digest the fact she has been discovered, I bet she needs it.

Good luck to the both of you!

You didn't do anything wrong!

I wanted to add, this page is especially relevant to yourself.
secret shame (self-injury information and support)