Hello,

Last weekend, My boyfriend of 2 years told me that he had mixed feelings about our relationship. He only confesed to this after I found out that he had been communicating with this girl via his FB account. Not very explicit but definitely sexual innuendos betwwen them. He said that he was sorry about this, and had wanted to talk about his feelings, only he did not know how to approach me with this.


The past week has sort of passed like a blur, I can't sleep, I keep thinking about him... we just spoke today and he is coming over for us to talk things through. I'm scared that he will want to break up.. and I want to work whatever issues these are with him.

I love him and I do not want to lose him! I want to understand what these mixed feelings are? Did he not love me this whole time? Why was he making future plans with me not too long ago if he had these mixed feelings?

What should I do or not do not to lose him?? Please help!

First you need him to explain and define the mixed feelings the best he can and come up with compromises and solutions.
If he still has mixed unsure feelings and feels that he can not be fully committed to you the best thing you can do is let him go and work at getting over him.
You can't make somebody love you and if you try to keep them against their will or what they feel they need then they will only resent you and your relationship with only get worse.

My guess is that he's had these mixed feelings since he has been talking to this other girl. If you've been together for 2 years I'm sure he loves/loved you but at this point would you want to continue a relationship with him if he's going to secretly talk to other girls?

What don't you want to lose, the memory, or the dream of what you want it to be.

At this pont you need to deal with honest feelings, that he was chatting with someone else, a form of emotional cheating at best.

If you can't talk honestly and openly you should get help

You might also ask him what it is about her that he feels attracted to.
Find out basically if he is interested in her seriously or if he is just going on past memories and reviving them. See if you can get him to realize that he is possibly remembering the good things and forgetting the things that caused them to break up.
Talk to him about this in a way a marriage counselor or a third person would rather than in an emotional finger pointing way that will send him into getting defensive.

Definitely, like nohelp4u said, if/when you talk to him about this, as much as it hurts, try not to point the finger but rather try to understand what he's feeling.

Lady, when a person says, I need space, lets be friends, I am confused, mixed feelings, -- it means the relationship is over. Now let that sink! He is already shopping for another women, the signs are there but you refused to see them. Your only option is to move on or stay there for more pain.

Thanks Guys... I have already made up my mind, if he does not want to be with me.. I will most definitely NOT ask him to stay.. it hurts, but I have to let go... still waiting for him for us to talk...

Oh that is so sad.
Actually I'm experiencing it right now.
I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend could now easily break things up between us.
But then I never agreed because I know he doesn't want to do it. He's just confused about things.
Because if he doesn't love me anymore, if he's breaking up with me & me not wanting it to, then he could have just left me, right?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bunny_muffin

oh that is so sad.
Actually I'm experiencing it right now.
I don't know what to do.
My boyfriend could now easily break things up between us.
But then I never agreed coz I know he doesn't want to do it. He's just confused about things.
Because if he doesn't love me anymore, if he's breaking up with me & me not wanting it to, then he could have just left me, right?

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Stop making excuses and Stop rationalizing with this guy. He is on his way out!

I LIVED this relationship style. What you need to do is break up with him. Don't let him make the decision. He is already sneaking behind your back. He told you he is not sure after this long.

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN... BREAK UP. He is going to do it if you don't cause he already has the itch... Or he is going to be sneaking behind your back, or cheat, or whatever.

I experience it so I know. Kick him to the curve. He is not worth your time anymore. Not worth the conversation either. Tell him you want to see other people and then leave him alone. You will see

He already has a foot out the door, so you may as well push the rest out too.

To Talaniman's comment I meant to say "A little harshly put..
Sorry for the mistake. I don't think I can edit comments.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

First you need him to explain and define the mixed feelings the best he can and come up with compromises and solutions.
If he still has mixed unsure feelings and feels that he can not be fully committed to you the best thing you can do is let him go and work at getting over him.
You can't make somebody love you and if you try to keep them against their will or what they feel they need then they will only resent you and your relationship with only get worse.

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Now my boyfriend came over and broke up with me.. He told me that he wanted to break up as he had so much respect for me and did not want to hurt me.. in the future.. by stickng around and then letting me go. Now for some reason or another I was pretty calm during our discussion.. until the moment he was going home and I began to bawl (sp) like a baby, (I did not beg him to stay- thanks to some of the experts' postings).. and surprisingly so did he! He cried! I thought he felt nothing? I know that I have to let go.. but I simply don't know how!

The 'its not you it is me and my respect for you' break up is simply an 'I want to let you down gently' but whatever at least he did officially break up with you. Many guys will just quit calling and avoid with no explanation.
Now you will cry from time to time for some time but you need to look ahead to the future. Think about you, things you want to accomplish, do hobbies and things that interest. Just keep your mind occupied, even if it is spending time on the computer.
Realize you have a life and work on you and your independence.