I have been engaged for almost 3 years. I love her with everything I have. Last year in Feb, we found out we were pregnant. We had a beautiful son in October of 2007. But there of course is a problem. I think my fiancée has a split personality. By no means am I trying to say I am perfect but I have a serious issue on my hands. I don't want to leave because I feel like I would be leaving my son. But of course I get the typical don't stay in it for the kids. She has been through a lot in her life and in her relationships. Her anger is the biggest problem. I try and explain to her that we are on the same team. But the anger consumes all of her, it suffocates all her logic and reason. Accountability is also a no show and she needs to be the victim. If I argue her back and try and stand my ground it gets really personal and nasty. If I try and ignore her it gets her pissed off now she has to adgitate and say personal things to get a response out of me. Then we have the mad marathon, 2, 3 maybe 4 days of ignoring each other at a time. This happens 3 or 4 times a month. It of course cripples our sex life, but it doesn't seem to bother her. I have not stepped out on her, but the devil is leaning real hard on me and my good leg is getting weak.
All I have been doing for the past 2 1/2 years is begging for us to go to therapy. She says yes one day and then an argument changes her mind. Our son had to get Christened and the Pastor wanted to meet the parents and Godparents. While at the meeting, we found out he does counseling. She asked if he would counsel us. He said just call and set up a date and time. I saw this as a good thing because she actually knew the Pastor and I thought it would make her more comfortable talking to him than a stranger we just meet.
I one day set up a meet and she punked out. She said I was wrong because I didn't check with her first. As I reflect more on our life, I think maybe it is because of my job. I am a bus driver and some nights I am out in a hotel. We always argue when I am out on the road and sometimes even when I come home. I thought maybe it wasn't a good idea to take this job while she was pregnant with our son.
After further discussion, she made me promise not to quit my job because she knows I love to drive. But she is making my life hell. She gets mad if I call her miserable. I talked to someone older and they said it may be hard on her being out of work and home with a newborn in her mid 30's. But I can't spend quality time with her because she is always bitter. It was her choice to stay home and watch our new born child. I supported every choice she made. She claims I don't help out enough with our new son. But my job has me tired all the time because I don't have a set schedule and I sleep a lot when I am home. Her patience is so thin, she just blames me for everything. But at times she is sweet and gives great, spiritual advice. That is what attracted me to her in the beginning. But when she is in one of her moods... watch out. I can't tell whether she is coming or going. It is not fair to me. She says things like she is upset with herself for getting comfortable with someone sleeping next to her again. A slap in my face because I am not home every night. But she co-signed when I told her about the job and how it may have me away from home at times when it is busy. She said, "Do you baby, that is what you love to do. Go make that money".
I am tired of the mad marathons every damn week. This invisible man is not what I expected and certaintly not to this degree. My big heart says ride it out, my logical side says leave and just make sure you take care of your son. My friends say don't marry her and the ball is in my court and the decision is up to me now. She is making the choice for me by her actions. I don't think we can make it without talking to someone and for now she doesn't seem like she is leaning that way. I don't want to start over, she is where my heart is now. I just think it is what you are suppose to do, ride it out and not just leave. But I am smart enough to know that is a 2 way street. But she just don't want to ride down my block. I have left in past relationships when I have gotten to this point. I see so much of an up side. I see so much potential, but I am just coming to the realization that potential may have left her heart a long time ago. Tick - Tock, time won't stand still and I am not getting younger. I want my son to have his father at home, but just because I want it doesn't mean it is the smartest/best thing. Help !
