Me and my husband have been married for almost 5 yrs. I was 18 and he was 22. He already had 2 kids from 2 previous relationships and I was skeptical about getting with him because of the kids and all, but I fell in love with his kids and we hooked up, I got pregnant shortly after and then we got married when I was 19 and 2 months pregnant. Our sex life was good before. Even though he is not that large. It wasn't a problem for me cause he is the 5th person I have ever been with. Now when we have sex, it seems like a chore or something... we have toys.. I don't really care for flix... and we have foreplay, the thing is that over the years we have both put on a lot of weight and even though he is still seriously attracted to me, I don't think I am to him. It has gotten to the point that we can only do it one way, doggy style... that is the only way I like it and he goes fast!! And I don't!! We were both on drugs when we got together and have been clean for almost 5 years so I know that has something to do with it, but I love him. But its like we are around each other so much that I get to where I can't stand the sight of him and he discusts me sometimes... I just don't know what to do cause I don't want to split up my family cause of my kids, and I don't want to have to cheat to get the good sex I want!!

I'm not an expert or anything, but if you find him unattractive right now maybe you could drop subtle hints about a new hairstyle/color that would good on him, or maybe suggest joining a gym together so it's not like you're picking on his weight. Men get a way if you point out their 'flaws' directly. So drop subtle hints - but if he doesn't get it at all - you need to be harsh and sit down and talk to him about the situation. If you need extra help I would suggest seeing a sex therapist or a couples counselor or something. If you ever want to talk more I'm here - email me at [email protected] or aim me at dannuhlur. Hope I helped at least a little bit!

That's the thing... I am mean to him sometimes just cause he don't pay me no mind when I say things to him nicely... and then all he says is I hurt his feelings... and then he says he realizes what he needs to do but never changes... I feel like I am just staying for the kids...

Well, I admit, staying with a man for the sake of your kids is not a bad decision, but if your husband wants to make it work, you have to tell him he has to change. Tell him you love him but you need change. Have you considered seeing a sex therapist or a marriage counselor?

Yeah I have thought about a counseler, but just never went through with it.. and he agrees to go. He is just also embarrassed that after like 2 minutes he is done... yeah I get mad, but I don't let him know, but after sex its off to bed he goes... no trying a second round... I don't know I just feel that I don't want to be with him, but I do cause my kids and our history, we have been through a lot, but I have been talking to someone from my past and I think my poor sex life is leading down the wrong road...

Hi.
Well second rounds aren't always easy for a man - as sometimes once they've its very difficult for them to become erect again. Also have you thought about how the short sex is making him feel. Maybe he is embarrassed or ashamed and maybe he does know that its affecting you.

If being around him all the time does make you feel abit narky, then you should try going out independently more often?

Personally, what I would do is sit him down tell him absolutely everything. Because I don't think that staying in a marriage for the kids sake is a worthwile lifestyle. Eventually things would just numb out. This though, I can't advise you to do. You love him? Tell him.
It's the best way. Or believe me, it will eat away at you .


Good Luck x