Big pile of confusion on me
So I'm the guy and I'm 16 and me and my ex have an off and on relationship which has been going on since we were 13 or 14. I'm in love with her and she says she's in love with me. The past relationship lasted about 5 months and it ended about a month and a half ago. It was tradgic on me. The she said the reason why she left me was because she was doing more babysitting for me instead of being my girlfriend. The thing is though... I was going through some tough changes with her and those changes were: we were together the entire school break summer, so it was constantly me and her focused on one another and it stayed like that for the whole 3 months. So I got so used to being everything to her and her always talking about me and being with me. But school came back around and she starts spreading her attention on other things and other people. Of course she still focused on me. But not as much as I was used to. And those changes caused some depression and frustration on me. Until one day it came to the point where she couldn't take it. And she said it was causing her some frustration as well to always see me down. So she left me. And it hit me like a ton of bricks... I was a wreck. I felt so sick and depressed. I literally didn't eat for a good week. Without her things went downhill for me. I wasn't the same happy person I used to be. And I always called her at night, even though we were broken up. And I used to always cry to her which I know sounds pathetic but then again at that time I was pathetic. That went on for some time. Turns out she started talking to another guy and hearing that killed me inside. So soon for her to leave me and get with him. Its only been a week or two. And so time went on with me calling her from time to time and telling her how I felt about her and about how things aren't doing so great for me. And I asked to promise me that she wouldn't have any sexual actions with the guy.. she promised me but then broke that promise and that just killed me inside too. So like always I forgave her. And she said she was a wreck without me. And she was too from what I saw in her. So time goes on and her new boyfriend doesn't want her talking to me. And I tell her "look at all we've been through and youre just gonna listen to this guy???" she tells me... "ill make him understand that i need you in my life." and that didn't go well... so she stopped talking to me for him. And I felt so used and sad. I decided to accept her screwed up decision and quit talking to her as well. A week goes by and she's texting me "i miss you" and I'm doing good without her. Because I don't know how to be her friend. So I got some ease from all the depression and tension. And that just ruins it for me. We start talking again and she wants to talk to me. Yet whenever I talk to her... ill always want to talk more deeply to her. I just don't know how to talk to her as a friend. So I'm trying to be her friend and its hard on me... because I want her so bad yet she doesn't want me and she tells me "its inevitable for her to want me again at some point" and she's always come back to me in the past... I need help though.. this past month has been hell on me. So much confusion, tears, drama, and frustrtation. What's going on here with me and her?? Should I stop talking to her? Will she come back to me again? How can I get a vacation from all these mind wrecking and heart throbbing thoughts!?
