Ask Me Help Desk - Here's the rundown

I met this woman back in high school and instantly we hit it off. We did everything and went everywhere together. I ended up joining the Army and she stayed with me through all of that. We would always write letters while we were apart and I would call her as much as I could. The years flew by and now it's been almost three years. This will be the second year we've been at seperite colleges which are some distance away from one another. The first year I always took off every other weekend to drive back and see her and because I started working more this year I am unable to do so. She decided to come visit me a few times where I am and I drove home to see her when I could. About three weeks ago she told me she needed to know what it was like to be independent and she needed to get to know herself before she could depend on someone else and told me she wanted a break. We both were heart broken but agreed it should happen for the best of us. The following day she called me and told me what a big mistake she made and is so depressed with out me. We both agreed that maybe that's not what we need. So a week or two go by and the night after thanksgiving she says the same thing and instead of wanting me back the following day she drove all the way to my college to make things "right." And while she was here we both agreed that everything was all better and we both were being silly. The weekend rolls by and come Tuesday once again she says the same thing. She needed space and needs time to figure things out for herself. This time it really shattered my heart because I cannot live with out her. She still told me she loves me and she still wants to be with me but right now she needs time to figure things out on her own and needs space. She says if things are meant to be they will be. It's so hard not to talk to her and when we do talk we both become so emotional we end up stop talking for a while.

What does this mean and what should I do? I haven't really slept in two days because of this, I think its time for some nyquil to help me out.

I've thought about taking off work for the weekend and driving back to see her but I don't want to push her away with being there too soon. But at the same time I don't want to lose her.

Thanks

I've thought it over more and decided to just get involved with friends over the weekend and try my hardest to give her the space she wants. She does want to be together but she needs time to learn how to be independent on her own. Hopefully these coming few days will turn around and become a lot better.

Let us know. I think giving her space is the thing to do.

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

See if this link addresses your problem.

That link you sent makes so much sense! Thank you very much and I will let you know what ends up happening. Some of the stuff we already do that it states in that link, but others we do not. We used to try to take time to talk every day for at least 10 minutes a day but it turned out sometimes we never had anything to talk about. I like the idea of only talking a few times a week so there is always news to share. Also setting a goal I believe is very important, "the light at the end of the tunnel." Thank you very much, I'll keep you updated

UPDATE: Well its been almost 2 weeks now. Im still struggling to deal with everything but I have talked to her. She tells me she still loves me, and wants to be with me but right now needs space. She wants the feeling of being independent because she has really never been on her own before. It's hard to give her space and not even call her, or send her a sweet email but as time goes on I'm sure it will. The only thing that bothers me is that another guy kissed her last week because he likes her but she claims she just wants to be friends with him. I'm OK with her hanging out with other guys and friends but it still makes me sick to my stomach to think about her with another guy.

Will update in a couple weeks

Quote:

Originally Posted by rman224

UPDATE: Well its been almost 2 weeks now. Im still struggling to deal with everything but I have talked to her. She tells me she still loves me, and wants to be with me but right now needs space. She wants the feeling of being independent because she has really never been on her own before. It's hard to give her space and not even call her, or send her a sweet email but as time goes on i'm sure it will. The only thing that bothers me is that another guy kissed her last week because he likes her but she claims she just wants to be friends with him. I'm ok with her hanging out with other guys and friends but it still makes me sick to my stomach to think about her with another guy.

Will update in a couple weeks

She's moving on from you, and she just doesn't want to pull the trigger. She's hoping you get the hint. "Being independent" means experiencing new places, things and people. Although she cares about you, she has decided that where the two of you are going is not right for her now, and thus she is no longer "in love". The only way back to you is through other guys, and by then there's a great chance you won't want her any more. Best to move along (as hard as it is), otherwise there will only be greater hurt down the line.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolfgangqpublic

She's moving on from you, and she just doesn't want to pull the trigger. She's hoping you get the hint. "Being independent" means experiencing new places, things and people. Although she cares about you, she has decided that where the two of you are going is not right for her now, and thus she is no longer "in love". The only way back to you is through other guys, and by then there's a great chance you won't want her any more. Best to move along (as hard as it is), otherwise there will only be greater hurt down the line.

Completely understand what you're saying. What's weird though is she has told me she is missing me a lot now and still is loving me. But is not ready to get back together. She has told me that all the men she talks to / are interested in her she tells that it is very likely she'll get back together with me.. As of right now I've been trying to keep doing the no contact thing and what ever happens happens. I'm just accepting the worse of it and now am doing all right with it. I don't think it's a matter of her not being "in love" with me. I think it's that she really wants to figure out where she stands in life. Just like a lot of people do.. Fortunately for me, I learned before I left for college when I joined the army. Most people are never on their own until college and until they experience being on their own they may have doubts about themselves and their relationships they are in.