Ok so here it is. So I betrayed my wife of 4 years. We were fighting constantly and nothing was getting better our friend that I have known for years since grade school kissed me when we were drunk. Well I giving feeling low thought that was nice someone hit on me. Well after I felt like a piece and me and my wife were still fighting I figured if I was to kiss her again that I would know if I felt wrong about it and really wanted to put me and my wife in gear and get back to us. So the next time drinking I decided I could use that first kiss as leverage to get her to do it again. SO I asked her if she had feelings she said No I love my husband and I said are you sure she says yes then I said lets kiss to find out so we did and it was awful NOW my wife is stuck on that and I can't get her to realise that it sounded that way but I Don't HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER. Any advice?

My, the way you reacted to your marriage problems was very immature..

Going and getting drunk with some chick is not a way to solve your marriage problems..

Why don't you and your WIFE go to counseling and try to work things out.. she should be your first priority

And another hint, stop getting drunk and putting yourself in tempting situations..

I wasn't Tempted its not like that. Me and her are friends and she was someone that I thought I could figure it out with if it was someone else it wouldn't have happened. I just needed to find out and thought I could do it all on my own I am not a good comunicator?

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SO I asked her if she had feelings she said No I love my husband and I said are you sure she says yes then I said lets kiss to find out so we did and it was awful NOW my wife is stuck on that and I can't get her to realise that it sounded that way but I Don't HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER. Any advice?

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If she had said that she does have feelings for you and would like to have an affair, would you have stopped?

You cheated by kissing another women. The second time you kissed her was to find out if you should step out of your marriage, and now you wonder why your wife is upset? Wow, really?

My suggestion, stop drinking, stop flirting with other women, stop kissing other women and start trying to fix your marriage.

Ya I know I am a and non of it makes sense some times not even to myself. It sucks and we were all so close and now its all ty. I love my wife and I will do anything to fix it but she is struggling thinking I have feelings I don't know how to prove to her I don't? And It was to figure us out? Sounds so stupid and it is stupid but I was thinking it was the way at the time.

The only way to show that you know you were wrong is to stop doing stupid things and work on your marriage.

Maybe couples counselling would help both of you.

U could have just replied to your "wife's" thread. Here you go buddy:






"Hi Everyone, So I have a horrible thing that I am dealing with right now. So this Halloween I was dropped a Bomb I found out that last Halloween My husband and My best friend were completley wasted talking in the Garage and she grabbed his face and they full on kissed. After the kiss she went inside and his other friend came out. My husband started crying not believing what he had just done. We were having a really hard time in our marriage and she knew my feeling HELLO she is my BFF I told her and he was confiding in her to cause they are practically brother and sister have known each other since kids.
well so after that he was confused even more we fought even more cause he was always out of town. so he got this idea in his head if he was going to kiss her again he would know if it was wrong he couldnt lose me and if he could kiss her and feel nothing that it was done. SO and let me tell you her husband is his BFF so weird situation. So he asked her in the garage new years eve if she had feelings she said no he said well how do you know she said I do he said well lets kiss again and see so they did and they said it was occuard he called her couple days later apoligized said he loved me and knows what he wants. THEN I guess this summer he was dropping her off and she told him oh i could kiss you but I am not going to and he said I DONT WANT YOU TO. so obviously if he wanted her he would have right. what should I do? do I stay friends with her I love him."

Wow love. That was not the way to solve that problem. You should know how you feel about your wife without having to kiss some other chick. Drunk or not. That was lame and stupid and I would have left your .

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Originally Posted by Dizzle55

I wasnt Tempted its not like that. Me and her are friends and she was someone that I thought I could figure it out with if it was someone else it wouldnt have happend. I just needed to find out and thought I could do it all on my own I am not a good comunicator?

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You may not think this is temptation but anything that causes you to do something you shouldn't has some degree of temptation or you wouldn't have gone for it.
Like the others said 'I just needed to find out' is NOT the way to work your problems with your wife out.
What if when you were having differences she decided to latch on to some guy she has known and start kissing on him?
Being drunk is not an excuse or else maybe you should give up 'getting drunk'

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Originally Posted by ethansmommy

. what should I do? do I stay friends with her I love him."

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Tell him that he is going to focus on you and your relationship and work it out the proper way or he can just go find some other girl to be kissing on.
As far as being friends with her I would go more for acquaintance if anything.

Ya I definitely agree that it was a very immature way to figure things out with my wife and it wasn't that I didn't love her. That was not my problem it was ending our fighting and seeing if this is what I could do and not care but I did care and it was all wrong the kiss was as weird as a kiss could get. I am not the type of person that can communicate so with this I thought I could figure it all out without involving her. Ugh its so stupid and if I could take it all back I would in a heartbeat. I know I will never do something so immature and childish again. That kiss was not about anything but me and my wife!:(

If the two of you can't make the necessary changes on your own (and it does take practice to do things differently), consider some counseling that will help you both communicate better. If one counselor doesn't "feel right", go to another until you get the help you need.
Poor communication got you into the constant fighting and then this mess... communication, and a new commitment to your marriage on both your parts, is what will get you through. Wish you well... :)

Ya we are going to counseling and things are way better with us our communication everything! And I know that I don't know how to communicate I mean what man really does? In no way was this sexual or even a turn on IN NO WAY. I guess I am just looking for people on here with similar situations I feel like a .

You are looking at things from your perspective -it wasn't temptation, there was in no way sexual or even a turn on, etc...
All your wife sees that as is excuses and trying to smooth things over. She sees that these are not attempts to make things right.
You need to look at things more from her perspective and realize how deeply hurt she must feel, how she needs to see that you are remorseful and desiring to work things out with her.
As long as you are stuck in what you were or were not feeling or how you meant things you will not get anywhere. It is not about you it is about her and your relationship.
Take the focus off 'I'

So I just tell her I am sorry it makes no sense and I am willing to do what you say! I know and I am willing to do it all my best advice for any person confused in a relationship where you feel you can't talk to your spouse because you don't want to hurt them is do it Don't hold back your communication nothing ever good comes out of it NOTHING.

You want to be married to her you work at the relationship.
Sorry really doesn't help if you do not understand what you are sorry for. Communicate get in touch with her feelings and see things from her perspective. Like if you want to kiss on another woman ask yourself how you would feel if she kissed on another guy.

Ya your right you are completely right.