I was seeing this guy for about 3months, when I first met him I asked if he was involved with anyone; of course he told me no. So we started hanging out and really getting close to each other. One day I left him a v/m asking him to call me at work so he could drop something off at my job, he calls and tells me his ex-girlfriend checked his messages. We live in TX by the way and the ex lives in LA, so ne-way he made up this excuse as to why she still has his password and he cannot change it.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt, after that though I started receiving these "unknown" calls at work and on my cell the person would just hang up when I answered the line. I determined it was her and asked him about it, he confirmed it was her and was not going to happen again. Automatically a red flag went up that there is something more than just and ex, he denied those allegations. So being that I thought he was lying to me I pretended to lie to him stating I had a boyfriend and we could no longer see each other because I don't want to cause anymore confrontation between me and my "boyfriend".
So he says well since we're being honest with each other, that ex is really just a stalker, I said cut the b.s. and he confirmed that this girl is actually his GIRLFRIEND! If I wasn't tipsy I would have slapped the sh*t out of him, I laughed and let him know I just lied about everything just to see if he would actually be honest being that he might think we were both doing dirt.
He was so pissed, it was quite hilarious though, any who, I haven't spoken to him in over a week and he has not tried to contact me. KUDOS** you are all thinking, but here is where my dilemma is:
Now that I know, I wish I didn't, I mean things were good between us and I really cared for him, I contemplated about at least saving our friendship; I still want to hang out with him, and I must admit I do miss him. I know what he did was wrong and he is a liar, and if he can cheat on her and lie to me there can never be a "serious" relationship between the two. Now I do want to speak to him and discuss the situation, though what he did was wrong he is still a good guy(selfish) but good, and I think we can move past this. I have tried to call him twice and sent him several text messages and he has not answered nor responded to me; WHY IS HE AVOIDING ME AND I DID NOTHING WRONG IN THE SITUATION??
To give specifics the text messages I sent are as follows(after he did not return or answer my call): "So is that how you are going to handle the situation, your just going to avoid me? U can't man up and let me knwo what good. I am not trying to talk to you by arguing or throwing no bulls*it at you, I just want to sort this out. U don't have to deal with me on nothing more than a friendly basis, but I think your a good person as am I and I don't think the things that transpired between u and I is something we can't move passed. I am asking for your friendship J and thats all. I just don't want you completely gone out of my life. Can you let me know if thats possible? A simple yea or nay would atleast put my mind at ease. As a friend J I am here for you, and even though your anti social behavior toward me is not the greatest feeling, I am not just gonna let you push me away. If its space that you need by all means, but you are something atleast worth me trying 4, just wanted you to know that".
Now I know a lot of you are thinking I am stupid for even wanting to continue to involve myself with him, I just think the situation is unfair because I allowed myself to catch feelings and really open up to him not knowing he belonged to someone else.
PLEASE HELP ME, GUYS/WOMEN, I AM AT A LOSS, THIS IS RACKING MY BRAIN BECAUSE I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY ALL OF A SUDDEN HE IS IGNORING ME, GRANTED HE PROBABLY FEELS LIKE AN IDIOT FOR GETTING BUSTED THE WAY HE DID BUT DO I CONTINUE TO TRY AND HAVE SOMETHING WITH HIM OR JUST TAKE IT AS A LOSS?

Quote:

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He lied to me about having a girlfriend and now is avoiding me, WHY?

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Isn't that a contradiction?

Just tell him how you feel (already done, I think)
And you can either wait (what a joke!)
Or move on

Didn't you learn when you were young that you need respect?
Oh and if you talk to him, less words and more listening this time. (sorry, cold hard fact)

Well the whole thing is maybe you shouldn't mess with someone that has a girlfriend he's in the wrong for lying to you making you get all these feelings for him but now you know I would never talk to him again and his girlfriend needs to leave him sounds like a dog to me and in all reality you already know there's no just being only friends when you care for someone so the best thing to do is never talk to him again

You do not need his "friendship". Respect yourself and move on.

Take it as a loss.. way too much game playing and drama to ever come to any good!
Reading your post I got the distinct feeling that you already have the answer... Peace! ;)

Guess he could be avoiding you because:

1. He got caught out...

2. He realized he won't be able to cheat on his girlfriend with you,,

3. He is embarrassed,,

4. He think there is no reason to pursue this relationship any further...

5. His real girlfriend has got him under close supervision and has threatened to leave him if he contacts you...


Either way... its all just not worth it.. any connection you may think you had with this guy, you can't be sure of now, because you don't know the real him. Go find someone worthy of your friendship and company...

Get rid of him, he cheated on his girlfriend and he'd probably cheat on you too.

I went through a similar situation and I had to brace myself to stop calling him, writing him and even erase him from my FB. We need to get respect from liars. My advise, don't contact him and disappear. One day, when he notices your absence; he will find out the great woman he lost. It will take time, and by then; you will be happy with a better guy!! Be brave, don't contact him. Don't nurture his ego!

I had the same thing happen to me - this guy was fabulous - he cared for me, he helped me with my kids, my job and there was a real connection there - I truly believed he thought I was the greatest. But I found out he had a girlfriend and had one for a long time. He continued to lie, say they were broken up, etc - but at the end of the day - he chose her and not me. I miss his friendship and I miss how great he thought I was - but I don't miss the anxiety, the thought that something just wasn't 'right' and I am now living with the truth - as hard as that is. I've learned that "love is what you do, not what you say". And what he did: speaks mountains. Be strong, resist the urge to reach out, take his lack of response for a response and try and learn something from the experience. It's the only way to overcome this.