Wife Cheated, Husband in Rage
Okay... this is a real messed up situation. I got married when I was 19 and has been married now for 4 years. During the dating stage of our relationship my husband was so supporting, generous and kind. Shortly after getting married I realized that my husband had a lot of insecurity issues. He was very controlling, verbally abusive and would always put himself first; for example, I would need money to go the dentist and after he stated why we couldn't use the money, I would sacrifce my need to abide by his decision. Then he would go out and by something like a stereo for the car, smthn that is highly unnecessary after denying my need. WHen I asked him why he is the totally opposite to what I fell in love with he told me that everyone "pretends during dating"... that shattered me.
My friends told me that he was in a relationship with a co-worker. I confronted him many times which he denied; he even threatened to hurt himself if I didn't believe him, which I basically told off my friend and begged his forgiveness for doubting him. I found a web conversation between them, confirming what my friend told me, so he was cheating. When I confronted him about it he then admitted and stated nothing ever happened. We went through counseling and weeks after he started acting suspicious and was hiding his cellphone when I tried to check it we got into a fight. I admitt, I pushed him first and then he lost it on me, strangled me and the whole works, I thought he was going to kill me. Okay I forgave him and tried to be a better wife.
We have had a lot of issues, he is not a talkative person and he is highly annoyed by friends and family, especially mine. So I have been pushing my friends and family away in order to please him. I have always wanted to go to college and he has denied me of doing this. Early this year, I lost complete interest, I felt burnt out. I was tired of him, if we were having sex it literally felt like I was being rapped. I was an emotional wreck. I told him that I wanted to leave then he got really sick, so I stayed inorder to help him.
I started confiding in a close friend of mine, opposite sex who was also having problems in his marriage. It wasn't before long we fell in love, I mean deep love, something I have never experienced in my lifetime and the same for him. After months of a friendship we had one weak moment and had sex. I confessed to my husband, and he is now going around to my friends and family telling them what I did. Besides that he has taken my cellphone to companies to unlock it, he has gotten logs from my cellphone company and is walking every where with them to show whoever he desires. He has contacted my friend's(person I slept with) wife told her and I am in a complete mess.
I do not love him anymore but everyone around me is disappointed in me and telling me to make it work. He does not want me to leave, but I feel very uncomfortable knowing his anger issues and he has made threats to hurt & kill my friend. WHere my friend is involved, he is my best friend, we understand each other and has been friends for years. I truly love him, he loves me to and he wants us to be together. I want to please my friends and family by staying in the marriage but it would be at my emotional expense which I have been doing for years now. I am sorry I messed up and my culture looks really down on women who do that, so I am being treated like a dog. Everyone is mad at me and the only person I have to talk to is... well you can figure that out. I am stressed out, I am afraid to sleep at home, I sleep with a knife and all of my family members are constantly pressuring me about my mistake.
I want to be with my friend to be honest but I am not making any rash decissions... I need help.