An old boyfriend has recently come back into my life, which happens from time to time. We're on acquaintance terms, but something has been nagging me for awhile and I figured its safer to post to a bunch of strangers than to ask mutual friends. While we were together, we both made mistakes since it was our first serious relationship and we were inexperienced kids. However, the girls he dated following our relationship were treated much better than I was. I was glad to see he'd learned so much, but also hurt at the time to know he was so willing to be as close to perfect for them as possible. Here's where my confusion lies: he's made it known more than once that he doesn't see any of these girls as future relationship material, and he likes them but hasn't been crazy about any of them. Whereas with our relationship, he said I made him start thinking about the future, about love, about commitment, but that he never knew how to show how much he felt.

How is it that you treat the girl that's "worth it" in his words like you don't care, whereas the ones you don't care about get treated really well?

You assume this your case is generalizable to the whole population of men which is not the case. There are plenty of men who recognize what they are dealing with and how to treat them.

Maybe he was so intimidated by his own emotions that he got scared and was subconciously looking for a way to get rid / deal with these feelings which led to passive aggressive actions and the eventual break up.

Or it was just his inexperience.

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Originally Posted by DeleteAndBan

You assume this your case is generalizable to the whole population of men which is not the case. There are plenty of men who recognize what they are dealing with and how to treat them.

Maybe he was so intimidated by his own emotions that he got scared and was subconciously looking for a way to get rid / deal with these feelings which led to passive agressive actions and the eventual break up.

Or it was just his inexperience.

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I'd believe a mix of the two. I didn't mean to offend a general population of men, as I've met some really good ones over the years. It took breaking up for him to even confide any of that in me to begin with, for him to say I really cared about you and you meant more to me than anyone else ever has, but I don't know how to be in a relationship.

That and the girls he'd dated briefly before me had all treated him pretty bad, which made him become a lot more guarded towards me at first. All of his relationships following ours have been surface-level, fun, but without the emotional depth that ours had. It just baffles me.

I'm sorry but what do you want to know ? :*)

You feel you/your love/the relationship has gone unrecognized by him?

You should be the "one" for him? But he doesn't see it?

Is it your hurt ego, your jealousy of his other women, or the fact that you still like him a lot more than you want to admit?

You answered your own question in your question. You were young at relationships, they are a learning process. He has probably learned from his mistakes and is now treating woman the best that he can. It is not a reflection on you.

I say the experience factor is very key, we all need to learn from relationships, and sometimes we don't learn anything until the relationship's over and we reflect back on our mistakes and breaks from relationships I believe do wonders for people on both sides of the break up, make you mature and become better people, and if you get back together with the one you love that's wonderful if not, your going to make someone very happy because of your experiences.

Take Care,
LCM

We all live and learn, and do the best we can.

Not over him huh? Or are you hoping, because he is back in your life? Just curious.

Guys like this don't change.

Not sure, to be honest. We've never lost touch, even though we've both dated around. Its come up in the past about how, for whatever reason, we can talk to each other about things that we can't with other people. Its like letting that person see you, flaws and all, whereas everyone else you're with you're still you, but a different version of yourself.

I just find it hard to believe I've meant the most to him of anyone he's been with when he always pushed me away when I got too close. For awhile, I actually believed he just hated me. Neither of us have had what we had, but I'm not sure what my feelings are towards him. I think I keep my distance as well because he really hurt me and I'm not sure I can ever open my heart to that possibility again, despite how he's made improvements.