Im 32 yrs old and just had my 3rd abortion less than 4 months ago. I do not use birth control and I know this is why I'm getting pregnant. Its like I never learn my lesson. My past ones were just bad relationships, drugs were involved, wasn't in love, and I didn't think I was ready. I'm pregnant again from the same guy I had one with 4 months ago, we are not in love, always fight, and I just don't trust the situation. So I'm thinking of having another one. I know this is crazy, it's like I'm scared of growing up and taking responsible for my actions, but I want to my child the world, and I don't think I'm capable of it right now. I'm still in college, and I'm not ready. I don't know what I'm waiting for here. I'm getting old, and this could mess my body up to where I can't have any children at all. I don't even want to tell the guy. I don't know what to do?? I know this is not normal and should probably seek help. I'm just scared.

You sound as if you regret your abortions and yet you continue to place yourself in this position.

Know that many women raise children alone so not having a father at hand should not be the only consideration in your decision.

I would suggest that you seek professional help by seeing a therapist.Many cities have free mental health care.I think there may be an underlying issue as to why you keep repeating this behavior and that is where therapy may be able to help you.

Try not to berate yourself too much and please find a trained professional to help you sort this out.

Many Blessings

You said a few smart things there:

"Its like i never learn my lesson."
"i'm scared of growing up and taking responsible for my actions."
"should probably seek help"

You're right, counseling could help. Not just for the fact that you can't make a simple plan to NOT get pregnant when you're ready, but perhaps WHY you are choosing to date the people that you are. I won't speculate reasons here, because I don't know. But you do.

Planned Parenthood is everywhere. They provide birth control, condoms, Plan B, information and some provide counseling. They also have a program for low income individuals. Definitely check into it. Trust me. Planned Parenthood is my savior!

I wish you luck!

You are asking for opinions...

I completely think that abortion is wrong in your case, because you seem to do it over and over again. It's should not be used as a form of birth control. Realize that you have the beginnings of another human being in your body.

I wish I had the ability to have children, like you. My husband and I have been trying for years. It always seems that the people who don't want children have them and the people who can't have them, don't.

I do agree with the other answers too, that there is a lot of help out there either way you go. You should also really understand the ramificaitons physically, because if you do want a child someday and this has a high risk of effecting that you might also want to reconsider. Because going through infertility treatments is very emotionally draining and very, very expensive.

While opinions will vary, abortion because of an unexpected pregnancy may be the wisest choice in some situations, but to use abortion as a form of birth control is simply irresponsible as you well know.
Whatever decision you make this time around... afterwards, get yourself to your doctor, pregnancy crisis center, health department, planned parenthood and get on birth control and use it appropriately.

Two things to consider: repeated abortions, often depending on how they were carried out, may effect future fertility, and your age puts you into a category of women who will start to find future conception becoming more difficult.

You already know all the concerns... you have stated all of these thoughts in your post. The next step is deciding what to do about this pregnancy and then what to do about preventing future pregnancies if you aren't ready. You have to make the first move at protecting your own health and future plans.

While I agree with everything everyone else said above me, I am going to take the harsh standpoint. Abortion in this case is murder. You are continuously taking the life of an innocent child that did not choose to be in the womb in the first place.

As a labor and delivery nurse I see the heartbreak that miscarriages and fetal demises have on the women who experience this, yet you are actually choosing to kill this baby, while others would give their right hand to have a child.

If you can't take the birth control pill because you can't remember it, get the depo shot, or get the implants, or better yet, get your tubes tied.

Sorry to be so harsh, but I just came home from a heartbreaking night at work where I had to carry the remains of an 18 week fetus to the lab. It didn't even weigh as much as a can of coke, and this mother is an emotional train wreck right now.

First there is a health risk with multiple abortions, so you are putting yourself at risk.
And by having unprotected sex with questionable people you risk all sorts of STDs.

Then of course you are killing a baby that did not ask to be put into this.

I am not going to lie I think it is completely selfish and irresponsible. Get on BC , I am sure it's a lot cheaper and you won't have to worry about feeling guilty for having an abortion when you get pregnant. If not because use a condom. Think of the many people in this world that aren't able to have children and here you are having an abortion because you are not responsible enough to protect yourself. And yes having abortions so much can cause you to have problems getting pregnant when you actually "want" one. Abortion are not suppose to be a form of birth control, birth control or condoms are for that.You seem to know what your doing is wrong so why not just stop it and take responsibility for your actions.

Years ago when I first starting my career as a medical assistant I worked in an abortion clinic. Now I don't know how how far along you were in your pregnancies when you had an abortions but I can tell you that your having them two close together. Some clinics now don't care about how manys abortions you have because they just care about the money while others do care.

At the one I worked they made everyone that came there see a counselor first to talk about the why's and other options available.

Also, before you left the office you had some form of birth control. Everyone discuss what type of birth control they wanted to use and they got it before they left regardless if they could pay or not.

Using abortions as a form of birth control isn't good and does more harm than good. Talk to someone about all your options and in the future pick a birth control method and use it or don't have sex.

You really don't know what to do? If you can't be responsible then stop having sex. That's what you do. I'm sorry but my cousin was trying to have a baby and she had to have an abortion because the baby had triploidy and I saw what it did to her.

OK hi I know we don't know one another but please stop killing inocent children... go get fixed or something that is murder... I am a mother of two and I have lost babies that I wanted.. there are many people out there that would adopt your baby... I want another one so bad an it hurts me to c people go an kill them instead of giving them up... if you were to decide th go on with the pregnancies you could give them a good life with good people... I know that I would sure be glad to take one, I want a little girl so bad before my aunt is gone so that I can name her after her.. please if you would like to ever talk I would listen but remember abortion is not what you should be doing there are things like the depo

Have you considered having the child and putting it up for adoption. Even though the baby is still in the womb it IS a living thing. And taking another human life is murder... especially if it's for the selfish reason that you have stated. There are plenty of families out there that can't have children and would love to one day adopt your little bundle of joy. That baby can bring joy to someone's life, whether it be your life or not.

I think you should talk to a counselor or psychiatrist or someone professional that can help you in your decision. You need to reassess the men that you go out with and the lifestyle you are living. You can do better for yourself I'm sure.

I personally think killing a child in the womb because you simply don't want it is wrong, horrible, selfish, inmature, and should be punished by law... but that's just me.

So, my advice. Get professional help and someone to talk to about your options. Think it through before you make another mistake you obviously regret.

No this isn't normal. You'll need to figure out why you aren't using birth control. You KNOW you're going to get pregnant. Is it because you hope your relationship(s) will work out, and then on impulse you change your mind?
No you aren't ready to be a mother. A mother will put the needs of her child first. A mother will protect her child. If a mother cannot keep her child she will give it to someone who would be very grateful.
It just doesn't make sense to make a life then destroy it. Birth control I so much easier. An abortion is a surgical procedure and can be risky. Even "legal" abortions have resulted in death, infections, sterility, and other complications.
You're an adult, not a little girl anymore that can just throw your toys out when you get tired of them.
You have become a victim of the law that says it's a woman's body. Well, it's not parts of the woman that comes out during an abortion. It's NOT really about a woman's "choice". It's because abortion is big business. Without it being legal, no money could be made off it. Now they have a nice legal place to do it.
Every abortion you have makes you and 2 others a victim. Maybe the father doesn't care, but his rights and the baby's rights are ignored. I don't call this a fair law.
Stop playing the victim. Take responsibility and grow up.

There are 3 "choices"
She could keep the baby, but she has already said she's not ready to be a mother.
She could abort the baby, thus living with the thought of taking another life.
Yet to have the baby and give it up is the most loving and mature thing that someone could so, because it would be the hardest choice to make.
It would also be the least selfish.

My best friend got pregnant when we were both 17. She wanted to have an abortion but I talked her out of it. She knew she couldn't keep the baby so she gave it up for adoption. Years later she told me she was glad she didn't have an abortion, and she felt she did the right thing by giving the baby to somebody who couldn't have one. She knew it would be taken care of a lot better than a 17 year old single mother.

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Originally Posted by Irishgirl

Oh and another thing it's the womans choice to keep or abort a baby, and suggesting that they go through with the pregancy then give it up is very immature and cruel. I've never been in the situation myself and for that reason could not offer advice on the outcome, have any of you?? Doubt it!

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I'm curious as to why you think suggesting adoption as an option to be immature and cruel? Many women don't agree with abortion and know they can't provide the sort of life that a child deserves, so the only other choice for them is adoption. Any choice will have it's pros and cons, the nice thing is that women have a choice and they will have to weigh those pros and cons for themselves.

Betty asked for people's thoughts on the matter. She said herself that she knows it is not normal and that she needs help. The boards offer opinions, suggestions, and sometimes encouragement to make better decisions, to look at something in a different light, and that is what the posters on this thread have done. Not everyone agrees with every point of view, but that is often the whole point, because one person's view may not be what is best for someone else's current situation. Some speak from personal experience, or from the experiences of family members or close friends. Others offer opinions based on what they think they would do in that particular situation... not really knowing, of course, if they have never had to personally deal with it. And many times, opinions will be altered once someone has been placed in that situation.

Due to Irishgirl and Shadylady, this thread is at risk of being closed. Please keep to the topic at hand and stop arguing between each other.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Irishgirl

thought this was open forum-obviously not-i'm out

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It is an open forum when we are helping the OP, the argumentative nature that this thread has become is not helpful to the OP.

I don't necessarily see it as "murder". Murder is defined as killing another human being, and stretch things as you will, you can't call a fetus a human being.

I do, however, see you as an irresponsible, spoiled brat.

Start taking responsibility for your actions, woman! Having ONE abortion then getting on birth control would be taking responsibility. Having FOUR abortions is being childish.

Get yourself into counseling, find out what ALL of your options are---there are help groups out there for parenting, and for adoption, and, yes, for abortion. You need to stop abusing YOURSELF this way! Forget about the possible babies for a minute and think about what you're doing to your own body! If someone ELSE wanted to cut you up and endanger your future fertility, you'd be rightfully angry and wouldn't allow that person into your life!

You need to figure out why you are in the cycle that you're in, and why you stay with a guy you don't love, that doesn't love you. You need to figure out WHY you refuse to be a responsible adult.

And the truth is--MOST unplanned pregnancies start with freaking out, and telling yourself you can't do it, and when abortion happens, you never feel the OTHER emotions from pregnancy--the wonder, the awe, the joy and sorrow. Whatever.

Is using abortion as your form of birth control wrong? Yes.

Can anyone make that choice but you? No.

Is anyone going to have to live with the feelings besides you? Possibly the fathers, but really--nope. It's YOU that has to take the responsibility, ultimately. It's YOU that has to face your feelings about whatever you choose for the rest of your life.

And honestly--regardless what you choose to do with your current pregnancy, you're going to have regrets. Can't be helped. Regrets are part of life, and a part of makign choices.

And before anyone jumps all over ME about this---I'm a birthmom who has lived with 17 years of adoption, and a woman who is now dealing with infertility. I STILL believe she has a choice. I just think that her choices involving the way she's living the REST of her life more than outweigh her choices about her pregnancies. One is the direct effect of the other.