Recently Ive spent a lot of time with an ex girlfriend. It's been over a year since we dated. The few times we've been together, it's been really good. We've done a lot of hugging, kissing, and holding hands. The problem is she never was good with relationships. I haven't been calling her a lot. It's been two weeks and we've hung out three times. The truth is I'm scared to call her a lot and ask her to go out with me a lot because I'm scared of getting hurt again. She's the type of girl that if I ask her to talk about where we stand, it turns her off, so I haven't. She's a really high maintenance girl that likes to let things happen as they come, and not to plan it. I'm not the same type of guy. I am still in love with her though, but I feel like the relationship wouldn't work so I am more interested in not getting hurt than getting back together with her. What is my best play? Is there anyway I can figure out how much she cares without letting my guard down?


P.S. Ive posted about this girl before when I was having problems with her about six months ago... so that might make it more interesting

Its good that you are concerned with your well being and are not allowing yourself to get caught up in the "having her back" mindset. A few things you can do is first, stop going on romantic things and stop kissing and such because that will just hurt you in the end. Second maybe talk to her. I think the best way to go abut this is write a letter t her explaining everything you want to say then read itover revise it and make it into bullets so you can talk easier. I don't really know that much about the two of you... but I do know that if you love her and you want to end up with her your going to have to fight for it and part of fighting is being able to let go. So talk to her, put it out on the table tell her its OK that she doesn't like it and that you understand but at the same time you need to say it. If you don't want to end up with her end the relationship and be friends. Sorry if this isn't helpful.

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Are you trying to hurt yourself by prolonging the misery, and pain, and having her in your life under any circumstances??

Wake up dude, and realize she got rid of you already and you'll never be more than friends.

Your still hoping she changes her mind, which is false hop on your part, and leaving yourself open to be hurt again. Sorry guy, but your on some mighty unhealthy ground here.

Heal, and see if what your doing to YOURSELF!

Yeah just so you know... your terrible at advice... because I just told you she's the one trying to come back into my life... what a retard

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Originally Posted by iamtheone69

yeah just so you know...your terrible at advice...because i just told you shes the one trying to come back into my life......what a retard

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OK I had to laugh, but realistically, the advice you were given still applies because you're letting her try to come back into your life.

And I wanted to add that you really need to talk to her about what you're feeling. Tell her you don't want to get hurt. If you don't talk to her about your feelings she won't know.

I would want to know what "changes" in her life made her change her mind? Did she recently loose a job, become vunerable emotionally, loose a friend? I'm with you, I would question that. I would try to get into a conversation, where you ask her point blank, "What changed your mind?"

I think it's important to face that question head on and also setup your boundaries with her and your relationship. There had to be things in your previous relationship that hurt you or needs that weren't being meet, that you need to define now.

So if she crosses those boundaries 1, 2 or 3 times you should tell yourself that's it. If you continue this with no boundaries thing then you are setting yourself up for hurt again because you will continue to be with her until she hurts you.

Lastly, you had said that she was high maintenance. What does that mean? Is that what you want? Does that cause her to be a selfish person? Does she think about you first, or her first and then you all the time?

You really need to push her now and ask the tough questions, because that will tell you if she's really ready to commit and what her intentions are. If she is serious about you then she will work on the relationship to gain your trust back. If not, then it's time to move on.

I hope this helps,

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I am still in love with her though, but I feel like the relationship wouldn't work so I am more interested in not getting hurt than getting back together with her.

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No, you're the one who knows that this relationship won't work and keeps looking backwards instead of moving forwards. If she hurt you so badly... WHY would you want to get back together??

Like Tal said you need to wake up and look at the situation for what it is.

You seem to already understand that although you find her attractive and exciting, you are incompatible in a relationship sense. Therein lies your answer.

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Originally Posted by iamtheone69

yeah just so you know...your terrible at advice...because i just told you shes the one trying to come back into my life......what a retard

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I am a retard for telling you to reexamine your position? Hey look, you're the one afraid to talk to her. You're the one who has been hurt by her, You're the one who doesn't know what to do.

So smart guy, tell this retard why someone can hurt you once, and you let them back in your life, play kissy face, but has you to scared to even ask what's going on? :eek:

Why do people resort to name calling? Everyone on here is here to help. The relationship experts on here know way more than any of us, so degrading them for their OPINION doesn't help matter man! You got to learn to be able to hear two sides to an argument.