My GF goes out on either Fri or Sat with her friends (guys and girls) to get drunk. I want to go but I don't have fun at the bar scene anymore. I suffered an alcohol induced seizure several years back and have quit since that happened. They all get trashed and end up sleeping where-ever they end up at the end of the night or morning. She keeps in touch with me as much as she can during the night.

She said that she feels like she is dragging me to these activities. I think it's good we can have our personal time but the things they do have me worried. Am I crazy for worrying? She is younger than me and I used to do all that stuff too but I wasn't in a relationship either.

You seem to be hanging on very tightly to a failing relationship. Most of your posts are about how "boring"/mature you are and how "troubled"/immature your girlfriend is. She is 22, how old are you? Maybe it is time to move on, you seem to be taking on a lot of issues with her.

Many, many things happen when you are drunk off your . Things that sometimes you can't remember.

I think you should express your concerns and although you want to allow her to "party" tell her you are concerned with her drinking habits and how it may affect your relationship.

Although you are not drinking always good to go some of the time and keep an eye out since she has invited you.

I don't know how old you are or how old your girlfriend is and I'm not in any way trying to be rude, but from your posts I've kind of made an observation that you seem to be a lot more mature than your girlfriend. Are you guys happy?

As far as your question goes I don't think you're in the wrong at all when you worry about your girlfriend going out and getting hammered with friends. A lot can happen when alcohol is involved, especially if driving is involved. Is there any reason why she and her friends couldn't hang out at the house? Have a few drinks? Play some games? That way you could all have fun? My husband doesn't drink so if I feel like it, I'll invite some friends over and we'll sit around playing board games or cards and have a few drinks, nothing too crazy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

You seem to be hanging on very tightly to a failing relationship. Most of your posts are about how "boring"/mature you are and how "troubled"/immature your girlfriend is. She is 22, how old are you? Maybe it is time to move on, you seem to be taking on alot of issues with her.

---

Honestly, I guess I'm in denial. But I feel she has issues that she hasn't dealt with. She has lots of symptoms of AADD.

Breaking up is difficult and it sounds like you are already aware of some of your own emotional issues. There is no shame in wanting to work on a relationship, but you have to find the respect for yourself to not stay in a relationship that isn't healthy and is keeping you from having a healthy relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

I don't know how old you are or how old your girlfriend is and I'm not in any way trying to be rude, but from your posts I've kind of made an observation that you seem to be a lot more mature than your girlfriend. Are you guys happy?

As far as your question goes I don't think you're in the wrong at all when you worry about your girlfriend going out and getting hammered with friends. A lot can happen when alcohol is involved, especially if driving is involved. Is there any reason why she and her friends couldn't hang out at the house? have a few drinks? play some games? that way you could all have fun? my husband doesn't drink so if I feel like it, I'll invite some friends over and we'll sit around playing board games or cards and have a few drinks, nothing too crazy.

---

The reason no one comes over to hang with us is we stay about 1 hour from all our friends. Our home is deep in the country.

ahh... well tell them to bring their sleeping bags and stay over. =)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ;

BUSH PARTY!! where you at

---

Lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by omega_red_08

My GF goes out on either Fri or Sat with her friends (guys and girls) to get drunk. I want to go but I don't have fun at the bar scene anymore. I suffered an alcohol induced seizure several years back and have quit since that happened. They all get trashed and end up sleeping where-ever they end up at the end of the night or morning. She keeps in touch with me as much as she can during the night.

She said that she feels like she is dragging me to these activities. I think it's good we can have our personal time but the things they do have me worried. Am I crazy for worrying? She is younger than me and I used to do all that stuff too but I wasn't in a relationship either.

---

Well, I remember 22…it wasn't long ago but it's funny how fast your head gets screwed on when you get a career and have some kids:). She is young and having fun; this is how we all do it! I remember getting smashed and causing all sorts of problems. Thing is, since you are a little older then her, you and her have different interests and different opinions on what the definition of a relationship is. You seem as though you are ready to get a bit more serious and spend some quite nights outside on the patio with a good fire, hot chocolate and the stars above. Peace and calmness…your finished having those crazy nights. You're not missing out on alcohol and it is better off for your heath that you don't drink, so good for you…I can't live without some wine every now and then but it does not interfere with what my spouse does. You can't tell a 22 year old not to party as you can't tell a 5 year old they can't have a ride at the Carnival! She needs to grow up on her own time and you need to concentrate on what's important to you and not worry yourself sick about her. I get she is staying in touch with you at night but it's a tough scene the bar, especially for a young, attractive 22 year old…I am married and when I go out with the girls its hard not to get tempted by these young studs but I know better. They are assertive and with a bit of booze…hey anything can happen for a single girl. I don't like the idea of her saying that she is “dragging you” it sounds like you dampen her time going out…if she can't meet you half way then how are you going to continually deal with this?

What does she say about maybe going infrequently rather then every weekend? Have you told her how it makes you feel?

If she's drinking and passing out... her body is going to get effed up in the long run =/

If it's every weekend... you need to talk to her and make sure she takes care of her body.
If she hesistates, let the dumb girl go.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by xoxaprilwine

She needs to grow up on her own time and you need to concentrate on what’s important to you and not worry yourself sick about her. Have you told her how it makes you feel?

---

So, her growing up on her own time means to just let her do as she pleases and I just not worry about it. Kind of go with the flow? When she is out I worry about her but not too the point that I go mad or am up all night. I usually spend my personal time to study for a computer certification class I'm taking. Every once in a while, I'll hang out with my friends if they are doing anything or go catch an action flick at the movies. I tried drinking with them but I just felt out of place. I felt like the older guys that used to hang out with my friends when I drank. I told her how I felt and she said she understood but I don't think she does.

I'm sorry that I keep talking about this but I just need someone to talk to. I know that getting other people involved isn't a good idea but I love hearing other people's views. Am I reading too much into this? Is this a common thing for new couples? I guess we are way past the honeymoon stage of the relationship.

I honestly think she has Adult ADD and that that is what makes her act like she does. She's impulsive, forgetful, doesn't pay attention and is "always on the go." I also think alcohol is what she relies on to relieve stress. 80% of the time she has these symptoms. 20% of the time she is the calm rational person that I know she is.

I'm happy just concerned. She says she still in love with me.

I completely understand that you love this woman, but I think you are completely missing the healthiness of a supportive and nurturing relationship. You are looking for a reason to stay with her and support her while she is being young, because she isn't ready to be responsible. What you are looking for is different that what your partner is looking for right now and being her salvation isn't going to be the answer. She doesn't believe that she needs fixing and I am not sure that she does either, she is young. This relationship is not giving you what you need and although you love this woman, she isn't ready to offer what you need. You have a hard choice to make, you either make a decision to find someone who is ready for the type of relationship you are seeking or you stay and hope for the best and hope that in a couple of years when she does want to settle down that she isn't sick of being "fathered" by you for the last couple of years. I think you know what is best for this relationship and that is to move away from it, but it isn't what you want to hear.

I went through the same thing with my ex. I'm 26 she is 22. When we met I was 22 she was 18 and we partied all the time together. Then as time went on she was still in party mode and I couldn't hang as well as I used to.

We were just at different point in our lives/development. I already had my party phase done... she is still going through it and probably won't slow down for another 3 years. I just let her do her thing and did my own thing. Sometime we went out together with friends. But it wasn't the same and we ended up growing apart. Now I'm not sure how much of it was just growing apart or her wanting to be single and partying more... but it happened anyway.

You guy are at different points in life. You can try and make it work by not acting like her father and questioning her when she goes out. I think she will respect that. You also have to have a LOT OF TRUST with her AND her friends.

Also, be prepared for the "NEW" Friend(s) she makes. Some will be cool, other will not be.

Don't be surprised if she leaves you for someone else either... that how most party hungry/rebellious young women (18-24) seem to be, at least in my opinion... :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

You have a hard choice to make, you either make a decision to find someone who is ready for the type of relationship you are seeking or you stay and hope for the best and hope that in a couple of years when she does want to settle down that she isn't sick of being "fathered" by you for the last couple of years.

---

That is exactly where I am. There is constant fighting between my mind and my heart. Brain screams, "Leave her alone now!" and my heart says, "She's young and you have to respect what she wants to do.". I let her guilt me into doing stuff for her that I know I shouldn't do. I wish I had a backbone. I'm an enabler, according to Dr. Phil. Yeah, I watch Dr. Phil. LOL!

It's just she always tells me how hard her childhood was and that now she has a great life because of me. Most of the time I do feel more like a father than a boyfriend. It's just a downward spiral for me.

You really sound like a wonderful guy, but you need to do something for yourself. This relationship is about mending her and to what respect, you make her life better while she mindlessly tries to destroy it?

You can respect what she wants to do, you can let her be young, but that doesn't mean this ends up the way you want it to. It can allow for more frustration forcing you to have to move on or it could help you continue to lose a little bit more of yourself esteem trying to fix something that is not broken.

I am not a drinker there are a lot of activities that are fun and don't involve the bar scene, you may find a new group of friends. This is a hard process, I don't envy your situation but I think you need to start at the very least stepping out, finding your own nitch, starting a process of letting go. When you are ready you will end it. I think it's the best thing for you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

You really sound like a wonderful guy, but you need to do something for yourself. This relationship is about mending her and to what respect, you make her life better while she mindlessly tries to destroy it?

You can respect what she wants to do, you can let her be young, but that doesn't mean this ends up the way you want it to. It can allow for more frustration forcing you to have to move on or it could help you continue to lose a little bit more of yourself esteem trying to fix something that is not broken.

I am not a drinker there are alot of activities that are fun and don't involve the bar scene, you may find a new group of friends. This is a hard process, I don't envy your situation but I think you need to start at the very least stepping out, finding your own nitch, starting a process of letting go. When you are ready you will end it. I think it's the best thing for you.

---

I had to spread the rep but I totally agree

You may need to cut your losses if your not happy. Every time you breakdown and give in to her wants... you give a little more of yourself away to her. You may start changing in to someone your not when you spend time and energy trying to change/father her... which will NOT happen.

You may end up losing yourself in this relationship, becoming someone your not, and being miserable until you either stand up for yourself and what you believe, not give a crap about what she is doing (which is super hard), or cutting your losses and finding someone more suited to you.

Don't do what I did and just suffer through a relationship hoping for a change. It won't happen, at least at this point in her life. I ended up turning in to someone completely different than what I was when we first met. This ultimately lead to a change in her feelings and her dumping me.

BTW... Dr. Phil is evil. I can't stand his voice.:)

It's very hard for me to stand firm. I get constantly dumped on when I don't do stuff for her and get nothing when I do something exclusively for her. No hug, kiss or thank you.

Any suggestions on what to do when I say no to something and she throws a fit in public? That's one of her ways she gets me to say yes by trying to cause a scene in public. The other is to get so mad she just wants to go home, no matter where we are.

She is very good at getting her way. And I'm even better at giving in to her way. Sometimes I just feel like a pathetic loser because I think I am becoming someone I didn't want to be. I used to be independent and had no worries in the world. Now, I am under a lot of stress just to keep my head afloat.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by omega_red_08

So, her growing up on her own time means to just let her do as she pleases and I just not worry about it. Kinda go with the flow? When she is out I worry about her but not too the point that I go mad or am up all night. I usually spend my personal time to study for a computer certification class I'm taking. Every once in a while, I'll hang out with my friends if they are doing anything or go catch an action flick at the movies. I tried drinking with them but I just felt out of place. I felt like the older guys that used to hang out with my friends when I drank. I told her how I felt and she said she understood but I don't think she does.

I'm sorry that I keep talking about this but I just need someone to talk to. I know that getting other people involved isn't a good idea but I love hearing other people's views. Am I reading too much into this? Is this a common thing for new couples? I guess we are way past the honeymoon stage of the relationship.

I honestly think she has Adult ADD and that that is what makes her act like she does. She's impulsive, forgetful, doesn't pay attention and is "always on the go." I also think alcohol is what she relies on to relieve stress. 80% of the time she has these symptoms. 20% of the time she is the calm rational person that I know she is.

I'm happy just concerned. She says she still in love with me.

---

Well no, I am not saying go with the flow, if you have come to this site to seek answers this tells me this bothers you a great deal. You have a right to feel the way you do and I honestly can see why, if I was in your shoes…I would leave. You are not just staying up all night because you’re concerned, you are staying up all night because you’re not sure what she is up to and you’re angry at her for being so irresponsible and your left out too. Drinking is the most common in these stages of our lives…when she turns around 24 she will be ready to start thinking about the future of her life…since 25 is the next step…hard number to face. I see you try to keep yourself busy and that’s great but ignoring it isn’t going to make it go away; you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about the relationship. She gets that you don’t like to hang around them when they drink and that you feel out of place so it is hard for her to accommodate you that way but if she can maybe cut her drinking down to once or twice a month and meet you half way that would help. Evidently at 22 she is going to do what she wants…this doesn’t mean she has ADD, to you it may seem so because of the maturity difference…I was pretty high strung myself…always doing something and very active.

This is a relevantly new relationship and I guess you have to decide what it is your looking for in a relationship and see if this is something you still want to pursue. Love is a powerful word…I don’t think I used it until after my husband and I where dating for a year. What is it you’re looking for in a relationship? Is she someone you want to continue the relationship with considering the drinking/friends? If she doesn’t meet you half way then what?