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Im almost 30 years old.
I want my father removed as my paternal father from any documentation that exists about me, forever. Including my birth certificate.
Ive kind of searched a few avenues online, and have come up with nothing.
Anything, even point in the right direction would be so awesome.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambourrie
You basically cannot. What is your purpose in doing this? People have tried to remove convicted murderers from their birth certificates and records and have been unable to do so.
(There is no such thing as a paternal father. I assume you mean your father.)
What do you expect to accomplish by doing so? You may be able to get what you want a different way if you explain why you want to do this.
But its highly unlikely a court would grant this.
I found out a few years back that my dad who I grew up with, is NOT my biological father.
Since we found this out - he has totally stopped contact with me. Blaming me for ALL of it.
I want nothing to do with him. If I present proof that this man is NOT my biological father, would that not be sufficient?
(For the record - I chose to go ahead with a DNA test, when I found out the tentative information because I have disabilities and medical health conditions, which could not before that, be explained. I really REALLY felt it was my right to learn the information. I did not intend to take the information to either remove him from my life, or make a slight at him, or find a new dad... I had real, legitimate reasons for wanting to find out the info... but because I did - I am paying for it).
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambourrie
Quite frankly I don't know why you would spend the time and money removing his name - he has no contact with you now, you have no contact with him, I see no advantage to removing him from your life. He is already pretty much removed. Arrange your legal affairs so that he has no possibility of having a say, although it appears that he doesn't want any say.
I'm a little confused about the DNA/medical conditions because diabetes, for example, isn't necessarily genetic and many other serious diseases skip generations. Was there more to that than you have posted?
I have seen this posted once before and in that case it was a case of an older man who wanted to adopt a woman - and she wanted to be adopted for purposes of inheritance, although that doesn't really make sense because a Will distributes your estate in accordance with your wishes. You say you want to find a new Dad. Is this what you are talking about?
Don't intend to answer your one question with one thousand more but it's hard to grasp what you are seeking to do.
It is doubtful you can, since he is not legally the bio father, it may be possible but it would be very costly and you could still lose.
Just to recap a second - I stated that I was NOT trying to find a new dad. I will go and make sure that is what I said, and correct it if not.
I guess the issue here is that I am so incredibly resentful about this person and just the mere thought of him sends me into anxiety (for which I have sought help, but have not brought this up yet at a session - but plan to in the future) and anger and all of those things.
I feel like it is based on that. I have so many metabolic conditions and issues with my body that it is retarded - when I was presented with getting a DNA test by the man (biological father) in question - I really did base my decision to learn about who the biological father was because I have been almost desperate for years and years to know why I was the only person in my entire family, of generations, suffering from things that doctors and specialists have been shocked to know have not run in my family - it seems (to them anyhow, and myself) now that the new DNA information has come to light and I have met some extended family - that there is a huge link. I don't regret that.
Im going to wait and talk to a counsellor I guess about all of the feelings and the things that they are leading to thinking of doing (like running to the registry to delete the man's name from anything... ) - and I agree, you are right Judy - there really is no good reason, because the deletion has occurred.
He did it himself.
I guess I just wish sometimes that I could do something to really take a stab - but it would, in the grand scheme of things - be meaningless to him, based on his actions.
I am still curious if it can be done though. I guess and for what resons they would find acceptable.
What I felt I was seeking to do - was find a legal way to erase the man from anything to do with me and my life.
And to summarise the reasons - passion, anger... sadness...
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambourrie
I can read your pain and anger and frustration - and sadness. But legally I don't think there is anything you can do.
Have you consulted with an Attorney? After reading what you've written - and I admire your honestly - I'm not sure that trying to erase him from your life won't cause you to have to deal with him again. Do you know what I mean?
I don't know healthy that would be for you right now.
OK, First your father is not the person
Who contributed his sperm, but the person who raised you.
I can certainly understand your wanting to confirm paternity because of medical and genetic reasons. I wonder, however, what went on that caused him to sever relations with you. Maybe he felt hurt that, after raising you, you seemed to have betrayed that. I certainly believe there is more to this story then what you are telling us.
But from a legal standpoint there is really nothing you can do. The person on your birth certificate is your legal father and DNA won't change that.
I know what you mean Judy.
No, I haven't contacted an Attorney... I figured researching and asking online for some info might be a good place to start (and free for now). I don't think it would be a great idea to go and spend tons of time or money on it either - I guess it would just prolong the whole... thinking process of it. Figuring out (through counselling and self reflection) a way to deal with the hurt etc, as has been pointed out to me, seems the way to go first.
I honestly cannot say that there is more to this. I have tried several methods over the years of trying to appeal for contact, so that I can at least learn what the heck is going on in my dad's head. I have NO idea. He hasn't shared anything with my mom, nor my brother - and seems to make a point of avoiding my calls, not reading letters (or reading them, but not acknowledging them) - and made a point of NEVER being at his home when I was in town a few times!
Maybe it's because we weren't "talk-every-day" close... (his reasoning... to be frank, I never really harboured resentment because of this, because it was ok)... or... I just don't know!!
If he is hurt... well... I have explained until I was blue in the face to answering machines and paper etc, and explained to him my reasoning.
I feel, that because of his total lack of contact or response that I have done something horribly wrong to ruin his entire life or something - because that is all I can think of that would make his daughter not worth even 5 seconds of his time.
Yet, because of the knowledge and empowerment I have felt since knowing that like, 3/4 of my medical conditions run in a family... I feel kind of justified for my own personal reasons... which I guess, to him, I must not be valid in having.
I'm going to sit on it for now (the whole birth certificate thing) - because I need to deal with all of the crap that is bubbling and toiling and making me feel like doing things like that (which is kind of an aggressive thing, when I think about it... ) -
Seriously though - when you say there must be something more Im not sharing.. I don't know to what you are referring... I feel like Ive spilled it all pretty much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambourrie
Sometimes there's old, painful history and, yes, you've pretty much spilled it all!
Let us know if you decide to take some action how it works out -
I will do - and a heartfelt thanks to all who replied with advice, I do appreciate it a lot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jambourrie
And you know it's all meant from the heart advice, don't you? We all come from different places, different perspectives, and try to do our best.
And don't be a stranger - come back and share experiences, not necessarily this experience, with other people.
And - sincerely - take care of yourself.
You're not alone in your feelings. I had the same experience 8 yrs ago when my mom died. I was 58 at the time. Found out Dad wasn't Dad at all. I just happened to be conceived by another man, who I cannot locate. Only have a first name of Harold who worked at the American Stove Co in Cleveland, Oh 1944. The man who raised me was a Romeo all his life. I even found out my cousin (my mother's sister had a child by him) is my step sister. My brother is a financial predator so he nicely manuevered things to get me out of the pix for the money. Man who raised me is now 91, broke because of my bro, and lonely. I am lucky to not have any genetic medical issues. It is very hard to get this out of your soul and mind. I hadn't spoken to him or bro in 8 yrs. However, just last month he called me... lonely, scared and broke cause bro has cleaned him out, he doesn't even own his home anymore. Dumb me, I went to Cleveland (I live in NC) to try to help him out, even offered to bring him to NC. Bro moved so fast when I was in Cleveland that "dad" just thinks I am "up to my old tricks", whatever that means. Told me to get lost again. And, he called me!! I inherit nothing, I own nothing of his, bro has all... Has always taken money for decades from my parents. So what on earth old tricks could I be up to... I was a threat to exposing my brother and he couldn't have that. He's a VP of Wells Fargo!
Before I left Cleveland, I did report my bro's financial exploitation to the APS, but in all probability they will do usual lousy government work and not do anything. A lot of public record and financial record supports my findings, but I don't expect much to come from it. I promise myself this year to try and get it out of my heart and mind. So, I do know your pain and frustration. Especially if you were like me... the good girl growing up and never causing a bit of problem. Good luck.:)
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