Ask Me Help Desk - Mental competency

My father is in his 60's and is an alcoholic. He has been trying to continue running his business that has been failing for years and keeps thinking that his "ship will come in."This past summer he landed a contract for several machines. He failed to fulfill the contract by the due date because he used all his money on beer, fishing trips, steaks, seafood and other luxury items.
His parents had Alzheimer, and his sister has paranoid schizophrenia. I'm thinking that he may be developing Alzheimer, or dementia. He refuses to go to a doctor to be tested for anything. Are there any actions I can take to have his mental competency checked and if he were to be found incompetent how would I go about taking over power of attorney?

Hi, blmtsi!

Have you ever sat down with your father and confronted him about what he does to himself and how the choices that he makes for himself affects him, his family and also his overall affairs as well as his business?

If not, then I'm sure that there are those of us here who can come up with some strategies to work with you on that. If you have already confronted him, then we would appreciate it if you would share more as to what you've already done to cope with the situation so that we can advise you the best.

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by blmtsi

My father is in his 60's and is an alcoholic. He has been trying to continue running his business that has been failing for years and keeps thinking that his "ship will come in."This past summer he landed a contract for several machines. He failed to fulfill the contract by the due date because he used all his money on beer, fishing trips, steaks, seafood and other luxury items.
His parents had Alzheimer, and his sister has paranoid schizophrenia. I'm thinking that he may be developing Alzheimer, or dementia. He refuses to go to a doctor to be tested for anything. Are there any actions I can take to have his mental competency checked and if he were to be found incompetent how would I go about taking over power of attorney?

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Many of us live beyond our means, but it does not mean that we have a psychiatric disorder.

I don't believe this has anything to do with Alzheimers or Schizophrenia, but rather "champagne tastes on a beer budget."

If he refuses to go to the doctor, there is nothing you can do at this point.

Alcoholism Test

Ask him to look at this test and see if he reacts.

As stated above,you are powerless to changing him,but you can change yourself,seek Al-Anon to learn boundries and for a way to constructively deal with an active alcoholic.

You can hire a local attorney to bring it to court. But basically being a drunk and wasting your money and even cheaping people in business is done by sane people every day.

Does he always know what day it is ( expect when really drunk) can he function in life, dress hisself, drive a car and find his way to places.

If he is aware of his actions and does them anyway, that is just poor judgement.

In reply to Clough:
Yes, I have confronted him before, but when I do sit down with him he starts yelling and screaming that he doesn't have any problems and he doesn't need to go see a doctor. I'm not really sure what else I can do, or how else to approach this subject with him. I don't yell back at him, but instead I stay clam and once I have no more patience I just walk away so I don't make the situation worse. Do you have any other ideas?

Unless he is a danger to himself (very difficult to prove by law) or others I do not think you have any legal recourse.
He sounds like a rather sad man who is trying to lose himself in pastimes that will mask his pain.Maybe the best approach is one of loving support and a willingness to walk a mile in his shoes.Don't give up on him but be willing to try new approaches to the problem.Maybe you could join him on a fishing trip and have a nice long *non-accusatory * chat and see what happens.
Best of luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by blmtsi

In reply to Clough:
Yes, I have confronted him before, but when I do sit down with him he starts yelling and screaming that he doesn't have any problems and he doesn't need to go see a doctor. I'm not really sure what else I can do, or how else to approach this subject with him. I don't yell back at him, but instead I stay calm and once I have no more patience I just walk away so I don't make the situation worse. Do you have any other ideas?

Thanks, blmtsi!

I do have one more idea for you in addition to the advice that you've already been given, and that would be to not just walk away, but walk away with an attitude that might make him "see the light" as to why you're walking away and hopefully make him realize that he might risk losing you if he continues in his present behavior.

I would go so far as to calmly, but firmly tell him, that if he doesn't "shape up", that you're going to "ship out".

Just as he must come to grips with what he's done in so many ways by his actions, and perhaps hit rock bottom, as so many do, you also have your sanity to protect as well as to live your life free of someone who seems to care only about himself and not others who love him. If a person truly loves others, they make the plans and take the time to give love and also receive love due to it being nurtured in an appropriate, unselfish way.

I know that you hurt because of the situation. The more that a person cares, the more that they hurt. However, it really doesn't look like he's hurting because of caring - yet. Maybe he'll hurt more when he truly sees what he's lost because of not caring.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry so much about making a situation worse, but to be more mindful and concerned that you've done what you can and move on if you need to. I wouldn't doubt that that there's been some enabling behavior by others toward him as well as co-dependency issues going on here.

As such, I'm not so sure that we have the full story as to really why you're needing to ask your original question. It would help to have the full story here.

One further thought that I'd like to leave you with is this, a person can only be responsible for that which they can be responsible. Just something to think about...

Do you have any siblings who are also his children by blood, please?

Thanks!